Trust

Chapter Twelve

Shakyra Smalls

It was becoming a headache to keep track of Wendell's schedule. I had learned that he popped up generally two days a week for a language class. What language he was taking up I didn't know and honestly didn't care. I just knew I was tired of seeing him and had learned not to take certain paths on Wednesdays and Fridays. It was pretty stressful because I had built up a similar system in high school during our senior year. I took certain routes to classes when I knew Wendell had to pass by me to get to certain classes. I'd almost made a career out dodging him.

It broke my heart to think about because at one point this was a person, I was slowly planning to have a future with. I had desired marriage and children all at the appropriate time. I had loved him but the way he blatantly tossed me aside not once but twice undid me every time I thought about it. Getting over DeMarcus had been bad enough. With Wendell, I was getting tossed aside at every turn without a reason. I could only start to heal from DeMarcus when we spoke on why things ended as they had. I hadn't gotten the same respect from Wendell except his warning that I shouldn't be running back to him if things fall apart.

I never claimed innocence. I knew to an extent that Wendell had been my band-aid. When I came to grips with that truth, I did all I could to let things go so that I could move forward. Wendell had been the kind of man that I could see myself with down the line. We'd get married and have our children and live happily...at least that was the thought process until we'd broken up. That was until Trevante and I started hanging out for real. That was before I realized...that in the long run I would have been settling with Wendell. Yes, I would've lived comfortably but I wouldn't have been happy.

I'd been walking through the campus, remembering when Ketara had been weary of me seeking closure from DeMarcus. I remembered her telling me there was a chance that I might never ever get it from him. I was turning the issue around in my mind, however. Wendell was still angry with me even after a whole year had gone by and I was still evading him like all of this happened yesterday. It was way too long for these childish behaviors.

We both needed closure.

I was thinking about those things when I had seen him walking through again. Without giving myself the chance to take it all back, I called out to him.

He stopped, turned to me and I walked up to him. Looking into his eyes I shuddered but offered a tentative smile.

"Hey, what's up?" I questioned, "Long time, no speak."

Wendell smirked and I almost saw the boy I'd once been in love with. That was until he opened his mouth and said,

"What are you talking to me for? I thought I made myself clear the last time I said anything to you?"

I swallowed, "But this...this is the problem. We don't have to be bosom buddies. Matter of fact, that's not what this is about. You're still angry at me like this was all yesterday and I don't understand."

"No, what you don't understand Shakyra, is that I loved you and you played me. How would you feel if someone used you for a security blanket more than one occasion? You weren't over one nigga and then out of nowhere you fall for the next one and still tried to stay with me. How do I look, forgiving that shit like it was okay?"

"I'm not asking you to forgive me, because I didn't even do anything wrong. You're not looking at how you did me on not one but two occasions yourself. I kept it a hundred with you both times, but you were scared. You!"