always forever ☆ sunny suljic.

i thought you wanted to dance

'breathe, please' julie tried following my trail of thoughts but i was rambling to her about everything all at once. 'okay hmmm, lemme get this straight: she tells you to drop the party because they're dating?' her eyes dart back and forth as i pace around the room nervously. 'she used the g word on me, julie'

she tried to comfort me but i could sense the slight anger within her. it felt good to have someone to talk to though. eventually, i gave in, 'whatever, just... please don't tell anyone the reason im not going. i'll make up something and leave before he gets there'.

in all honesty, my mind has been blank ever since estee talked to me. i had no power left to ask any question that's been bugging me, i just feel awfully silent on the inside. i want to give sunny a leap of faith - i want to trust him blindly, but i'm scared i'll be let down. the way he looks at me, the way he holds my hand, the way he speaks to me - it can't all be fake, right? right. sunny told me not to jump to conclusions if i hear stuff, so maybe there is an explanation coming my way... one that's taking dreadfully long.

i went over to olan's to drop off the cake and the vinyl i bought. i would've given up on the gift, but it was too suspicious to do so. plus, i believe i should give it with an open heart, like the state i bought it in. i ended up telling olan i had one more surprise left and i am going to pick it up - knowing damn well i'm not going back. maybe sunny was right to not want me there. maybe him and estee were happy before i arrived. maybe i truly was the one over-stepping.

- - - - - - - - - - - - sunny pov.

i get a text from olan telling me he's got a new board he wants to show me back at his place. we settle to go to his after school.

during all periods, my mind was focused on y/n. i wish i could get her out of my mind, but there's absolutely no way to do so. i want to talk to her as soon as i can, i want to make things clear before she hears it from someone else. but truth is, i am so fucking scared. whenever i plan our conversation in my head, i can see her eyes fill with disappointment, and it hurts just to think of it. if it were to happen in real life, my heart would probably break in two. but it's not fair to keep this from her.

estee's been insisting quite a lot that we should be together. i usually brush her off and try to let her down slowly, but it's been getting on my nerves. yesterday she started crying and she accused me of horrible stuff in attempt to make me agree to her being my girlfriend. she told me she'll do nasty stuff to y/n, worse than the locker thing, if i don't agree. people might think it's just a dumb quarrel, but estee has a powerful family - important people that could get anyone to do anything for them. her parents spoil her to the point where they would probably even hire a hitman if she asked them to. okay, maybe i shouldn't take it that far- but they could totally fire y/n's parents from their jobs and do other shit like that. as much as i wish that was a stupid joke, a part of me firmly believes she would be capable of that. estee doesn't like when people interfere with what she considers to be hers, and i somehow fell under that category a long time ago. anyway, i need to tell y/n about this, i need to warn her, but my heart hurts so bad when i think of it. i want to keep her heart safe, her curious glare intact, her soul warm and i just want to give her the best of the world. i am, for the first time, scared of losing someone.

after school, me and olan meet up. he tells me we have to make a detour quite far from where he lives to pick something up for his parents. i'm dreading the idea of doing anything else so i accept going with him. i didn't think i'd be so troubled on my birthday, but here we are. and yet i feel at peace spending it with olan - he was always like an older brother to me. i don't usually celebrate my birthday in any grand way. i like it when it's quiet, sort of exclusive for close people. this year i thought of spending it with y/n, but there's a small issue named estee blocking that away from me. i always end up having to please everyone, and i always fail to do it.

by the time we actually reached olan's place it was getting dark. the street was quiet. we entered through the kitchen back door. it was pitch black inside the house, but it didn't feel empty. all of a sudden, the lights are turned on and my friends jump up shouting 'happy birthday!'. olan's kitchen is decorated in my favorite colors. my eyes search for y/n. i see julie, but she's with gio. i see ryder, the rest of the boys and... estee. my heart drops. y/n isn't here. i wonder who did this for me. i assume it was olan, or na-kel, although they've never done anything like this before.

people are hugging me and wishing me all sorts of things. my only wish is for y/n to be here. but she's not. estee approaches me. she hugs me and whispers to my ear, 'i hope you like the party. i made it all for you. to show you im worthy of being your girlfriend'. she kisses my cheek and i want to pull away, but my mind stopped a long while ago. she did all this for me?

- - - - - - - y/n pov

since i didn't know any place in the city to go to, and i was definitely not going back home, i decided to attempt getting into school. somehow, i managed to jump the gate and get to the rooftop. it was starting to get dark outside, so i sat back and looked at the streets light up, one by one. i couldn't help but feel my heart ache with regret that sunny wasn't there to share the view with me - but i knew that he was, at least, having fun with the people he loves.

i lit a cig and felt all the muscles in my body relax. for a moment i thought i blended into the shadows of the night, and it felt good. i wonder how the party's going. i wonder if estee is kissing sunny's soft lips right now. i wonder if there's any trail of me left anywhere on him or in him, i wonder if he thinks of that too.

- - - - - - - - - - sunny's pov.

(ryder and olan are looking for y/n. they're asking around if anyone has seen her, but no one did. she's not answering her phone either.)

estee has been talking for so long i wish i could just pull a van gogh right now. every time i blink an imagine of y/n pops up. why is she not here? the party is actually really cool, but the thought that estee made it for me not only doesn't feel right, but it hurts like hell.

the party kinda ended at around 12am. people started going home and i somehow got rid of estee and was left alone with the boys.

'how come you spent all night with estee?' olan asked me, confused. 'well, after she planned all this for me it would've been rude of me not to', i answered plainly. his face twitched, even more confused. 'bro you're joking, right?' gio asked, half laughing half concerned. 'dude, y/n has been stressing about this dumb party for 3 days now. estee didn't do shit' olan butted in. 'yeah and she was supposed to be here but she's not answering any of us. and i think it's on you man' ryder added as well, visibly upset about it.

i felt like i had just been electrocuted. my heart felt full, my mind finally at peace - well not entirely. an electrifying spark jolted through my head all the way to my legs. i got up and ran out. i kept running, as if my feet knew where to take me before my mind did.

after 15 minutes i got there. i felt like i was in a fever dream. i approached the place although i could barely see.

'who the fuck's there?'

i hear her voice, guiding me. the moment i felt close enough, i pulled her by her waist and kissed her with all the power left within me.

'i want you, y/n' i blurted out, all the adrenaline filling my words. it was then and there my heart was sure i was the right person, it was the right time and she was all i wanted from life all along.

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a/n :  happy holidays to everyone that celebrates them!!! hope u enjoy the chapter and thank u for ur patience <3