always forever ☆ sunny suljic.

girls in bikinis

'why are you making me do this?' i asked julie, annoyed, staring at my reflection in the mirror. 'because you're my hot bestie and i want you to be confident?' she answered, checking her own self out in the mirror. she had a very pretty, deep red, one piece on her.

i sighed and turned around, putting on a big, white t-shirt and shorts over the black two-piece julie made me wear. all i wanted to do was cover up. somehow revealing clothes didn't bother me, but swimsuits did. 'you look really nice' i told her, hoping to get away with my cover up. 'thanks, you do too, really'

- - - - - - - - - -

we eventually finished getting ready, and waited outside julie's house for ryder. i smoked a cigarette in the meantime, while julie told her mom where we were going. i hoped, in that moment, that my parents weren't gonna be home when i got back. i was also thinking about what to say to sunny when i see him, and what his reaction to my attire would be.

i was happy to see ryder in his usual t-shirt and jeans combo - it meant i wasn't going to be the only one actually dressed there. i got up from the sidewalk and greeted him. 

we arrived at gio's house a little later. we stopped at the front door abruptly and looked at each other. none of us were 100% sure we actually wanted to go, but there was no point in backing away now. yet, i couldn't help but feel uneasy when we went to the backyard. the music was so loud, i had trouble hearing my own thoughts. all the almost-naked teenagers were roaming around, drinking and dancing and doing things i don't wanna think of. i would lie if i said i didn't get distracted by you know, everything going on. call me boring or whatever, but i haven't been to a proper pool party before. it was definitely not my thing, and the fact that everyone around me was so good-looking only made me wanna leave more.

i took a seat on one of the pool chairs. julie rushed next to me and proceeded to eye-fuck gio from a distance. i was looking around anxiously for sunny and well, estee. i don't even know if i wanted them to be there or not, but i know i was hella scared either way. and then, i saw him.

he was talking to ryder, across from where we were sitting. he had a soda can in one of his hands and i couldn't help but stare at him. i wish i would've gone to him, i really do, because before i could even think of it, estee appeared right next to him. if only i would've acted faster...

fuck, they do look good together. apparently i've never felt jealous in my life before, because if i did, i would've remembered it. this, this awful feeling -  it was like a black whole opening underneath my feet and swallowing me. seeing her made me want to disappear even more, if you haven't already figured. i guess i was pretty angry. yeah, yeah i was. and for once in my life, i felt like i deserved to feel this way.

he wrapped his arm around her waist. and not to be completely sour over it, but she looked really good. like, the type of girl you walk past on the street and think of for weeks good. i was waiting for the feeling of jealousy to die down, but it only got worse.

'so what, they're back together now?' i asked julie, trying really hard to mask the anger in my voice. i wanted her to tell me they weren't, to assure me i wasn't being a complete idiot and falling for a taken guy, but she... she didn't. 'didn't you see?' i turned around to face her, confused. she pulled out her phone and opened instagram. she quickly searched for estee's account and showed me her latest post.

'oh my fucking god' i exhaled, not knowing if i was angry or sad anymore. it felt like i was overreacting, but how could i not, over a damn picture of her sitting on his lap like it's nothing ? I KISSED THAT FUCKER A FEW HOURS AGO. 'they never said they were back together again though...' julie added.