always forever ☆ sunny suljic.

all night long

you sat in silence for a couple of minutes, which gave ryder the signal that he should leave the two of you alone for a while. he felt a little sad that he couldn't get to actually kiss you, but he told himself it's worth the wait.

- - - - - - - - - back to your pov we go.

'what are you doing here?' i asked, a little annoyed. he probably noticed it in my voice because his eyebrows arched up, a little shocked and confused. he exhaled sharply, then asked 'would you mind sharing one of your cigars with me?'. his deep voice rung into my head like a chant. he had this way of hypnotizing me ; with ryder i felt seen, but with sunny i felt like i didn't have to be seen to be happy. i started mentally shouting at myself for already having such mixed emotions on two boys i met a day ago as i pulled out the pack of cigarettes again and gave him one. he lit it up by pressing it onto whatever was left of mine, which made us have to pull dangerously close to each other. my breath hitched as he looked into my eyes.

i burst out in laughter, shocking my own self on the way. i'm not touching alcohol ever again. 'it's funny how you're s-so close now but you rejected me back on the dancefloor' he didn't mind me laughing, he actually blushed a little and i really wanted to tease him but he started speaking, 'i'm just shocked someone like you would ever wanna kiss someone like me' he said it as if being him was a crime or something. i rolled my eyes in an obvious manner, 'oh cut the i'M mYsTeRiOuS aNd tOo mUcH tO hAnDLe crap, sun boy' i mocked his voice, making him laugh. 'you're hot and you know it, you bastard' i punched him in the shoulder jokingly. he was a tiny bit shocked at my blunt comment, but he took a moment to stare into my eyes with what looked like a sincere smile on his face. 'truth is, i don't want you to kiss ryder' he said, avoiding eye contact by darting his glance down at his shoes. you can probably already tell that i was beyond startled by what he said. what is that supposed to mean? isn't he a thing with estee? is he some possessive freak? i'm getting a lot of mixed signals, i thought to myself. 'and i don't want estee dancing on you like i did' i served him one back, making his head jolt up to look at me.

'do you wanna maybe-'
'kiss me, idiot'

he didn't hesitate. he placed both of his hands on the sides of my face, pulling me closer to him. in a span of seconds, his lips crashed onto mine. it was as if our mouths were waltzing together, moving in sync, slowly yet full of tension. kissing him was like listening to my favorite song - it made my mind go blank and heart go crazy. his lips were soft and i could taste the same alcohol i drank earlier, stained on them, mixed with the lingering smoke of the long forgotten cigarette. i didn't want to pull away, nor did he, but we had to.

i didn't think this through. the moment i lost contact with his lips, i felt a knot form in my stomach. did i just waste my first kiss? i don't even know if i like this dude and i just kissed him!

as if knowing about my internal crisis, olan appeared and saved my ass yet again tonight. 'we have to take you home kiddo' he pulled me up by my hand and then looked at sunny like they were telepathically communicating. 'fuck, i can't go home. if my parents know i drank tonight, i might not see the light of day ever again' i blurted, obviously panicking. i really messed up, and i shouldn't have come here.

'we'll take you to mine then' sunny finally spoke up and olan agreed. he took us both back inside and told us to wait next to the kitchen island. he insisted we 'didn't move'. sunny didn't take his eyes off of me as i jumped and sat down on the island. i got easily bored, i don't know if genuinely or because i was half-drunk, but luckily the song that was playing caught my attention. i hummed along the lyrics of all night long by mary j blige, i knew them by heart.

sunny was amused by my little concert, i could tell by the way he smiled. in the meanwhile, olan gathered the boys and brought them to us, signaling we're all leaving together. they were accompanied by estee, who, after olan suggested it, will call my mom and tell her i'm staying over at hers to study. this all happened pretty quickly, or at least it seemed so to me because i was fully invested in singing my heart out to sunny about how i know he loves me and he should just admit it. i was interrupted by estee's talking short after, 'where are you taking her though?', olan hesitated in giving the answer. i knew it, i shouldn't have hit on sunny because there was something already going on. i'm a bitch.

i stopped sunny in his tracks when he wanted to answer, then looked at ryder. he already knew what was about to happen. 'i'm going to ryder's' i replied to her, making sure to drag out the words so it seems im more drunk than i actually am. oh, what a lying bitch i am.  estee gave me the benefit of the doubt, 'ok well uhh, take care y/n' she hugged me and we bid our goodbyes.

as soon as we were off estee's property, the boys turned around and all looked at me. ugh, i hate myself. 'she saved your ass back there' gio said towards sunny, then laughed after. i was feeling a little lightheaded, it was like suddenly my gravity was gone, so i held onto gio, hence he was the closest to me. 'are you okay?' he asked, somewhat worried. i didn't reply, instead i turned around on my heels and threw up on the sidewalk. 'pretty fucking great if you ask me'

the whole way back i felt worse and worse, stumbling and holding onto whoever was around me. they tried to lighten up the mood by joking, which made me feel warm inside - they cared, they cared enough to keep me safe. we stopped at a convenience store next to sunny's, where olan and na-kel went inside to buy water and some medicine, and the rest of us waited outside. i was resting against the wall when i looked over to sunny and a deep feeling of anger settled in my heart. 'you're a dick!' i shouted, breaking the silence and causing the 3 boys in front of me to stare me down, confused. i started crying short after. crying is an understatement - i was sobbing, pushing my head onto my knees as i slid down against the window wall. i was so angry at myself to kissing someone who was half taken, and i was even angrier that he allowed it to happen. estee is so kind and amazing, and i'm a lying, man-stealing girl who doesn't know how to control herself. gio tried calming me down while ryder and sunny sat down on the sides next to me, patting my back and telling me that everything is okay.

nothing is okay.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

we eventually managed to get to sunny's house. as soon as we entered his living room, i tried calming down from my outburst earlier, wiping away dried tears and thinking everything through. sunny didn't say anything, and the pressure the silence put on me was unbearable. 'please don't tell me you'll be like this from now on' i groaned, a sharp headache threatening to attack me any moment. he helped me sit down on the couch, still silent. 'just say something for fucks sake' i eventually gave into my anger.

'i don't regret kissing you. i don't know what to say. i just' he looked at me, and i could tell he was going through the same crisis as i was this whole night. 'it's okay,' i hugged him suddenly, 'sorry for taking it out on you'. i rested my head against his shoulder and felt something weird.

i think i might have a crush.