Certainty in the Uncertain

Chapter 3

Rain knew he was fucked. He ran down the hallway as quickly as he could while safely protecting his latest model. He pushed the door open only to be met with the disapproving stare of his professor. The classroom was empty as class had ended 15 minutes ago. Rain placed the model down on the professor's desk and bowed, saying, "My sincerest apologies for being late for class. I was..."

The professor interrupted, "I am not really interested in hearing your excuses. Once again, you have missed the deadline. Be it 15 minutes or days, it doesn't matter. You have obviously worked hard on your model but I can't accept it." His professor patted him on the shoulder, finished packing his bag, and left the classroom.

Rain dropped to the floor, knees up, face buried in his hands. How could he have done this again? He had set an alarm. More than one. But had left his phone in his bag, carelessly tossed on the sofa of Phayu's garage office. So, while he had the safety net of numerous alarms, he had not heard any of them.

While filling the time until his class started, he had decided to help out with paperwork at the garage. He was good at it and often got deeply absorbed in the process. It probably wasn't a great choice for how to distract him from his anxiety that always spiked when a larger assignment was due.

What was he going to do? How could he tell Phayu? His friends? He would definitely not be at the top of his class like he'd boasted to Phayu about. Now he'd probably just squeak through to graduation. He'd probably be known as the stupid, irresponsible kid when their frat met. Who would want to hire him after graduation? Certainly his professors wouldn't want to give him good references.

Still wrestling with his thoughts, Rain rose and picked up his model. Keep it? Throw it away? He'd worked so hard on it but it was pretty much useless now. He sat the model down on the ground next to the trash can and moved to the door. As he turned the handle, he looked back at the model sadly. Could he really leave it there to be tossed out when the building closed? All his effort in the garbage.

Rain sighed, going back to pick up the model. He knew that Phayu would ask to see it even if he'd missed the deadline. He didn't want to go back empty-handed on top of having to tell Phayu he'd be getting no credit for all his work. Work that had taken time away from Phayu. Time spent working at Sky's condo and in the design room at school. Evenings that were often limited to texting or a quick phone call with Phayu. He always missed Phayu when they were apart because of Rain's school work. But, he was trying so hard to be responsible. To prove he was worthy of standing beside Phayu.

All of it for nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not the pride of a job well done. Pride in a project uniquely and well-designed. The feeling of telling Phayu he had done well and his professors had praised him. Instead, he'd be heading home to show Phayu his project and explain what a failure it had been. What a failure he was. Again.

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Rain sat at the dining table, model in front of him, waiting for Phayu to return from work. Hearing the door open, Rain looked up to see Phayu come in and set his bag down.

"Rain! How'd it go? Is this your model? Can I look it over?" Phayu said excitedly, sitting across the table from Rain. Here it comes. Rain felt sick to his stomach. Hands trembling but clenched in his lap. Any minute now he'd have to tell Phayu. Admit his mistake. See Phayu's face drop with disappointment.

Rain nodded and pushed the model closer to Phayu. Phayu immediately began scanning it with a careful eye, commenting on the parts he thought were particularly well done or creative. "This is amazing. I can tell you put a lot of work into it. I'm so proud of my smart boy," Phayu said, reaching across the table to ruffle Rain's hair.