Certainty in the Uncertain

Chapter 5

Rain pointed his finger at Phayu, then curled it in a silent "you better follow me," before turning away to head up the stairs.

Behind him he could hear Saifah, "Best of luck brother."

When Phayu entered the room, Rain was already sitting on the sofa, legs curled under him. Noticing Phayu's hesitation, Rain nodded his head towards the seat next to him, prompting Phayu to sit down facing Rain.

Rain waited, hoping Phayu would start their conversation. But he was met with silence and Phayu alternating between looking at Rain and various spots around the room, almost afraid to make eye contact with Rain for too long.

Rain had known since that day that something was slightly off with Phayu. The amount and frequency he was told "I love you" was becoming a bit suffocating. Not that he didn't enjoy being told that, but when it was said out of desperation and not from a moment of love, it didn't quite feel the same. He knew Phayu must be feeling insecure since his meltdown but thought that Phayu would eventually talk to him about it. Ask questions. But he never did. He just started running around telling Rain and anyone else around them how much he loved Rain. Even his friends were starting to roll their eyes whenever Phayu started going on about how fabulous Rain was. Recently, when Phayu walked away from the gang, the pestering began.

"I loooooove you Rain." "Who's my good boy?" "Isn't Rain so smart?" "Look how adorable my baby is."

This was bordering on ridiculous and he had thought he could just wait it out. Let Phayu get it out of his system and they could just move on. His strategy clearly hadn't worked. If anything his silence on the matter had probably made it worse considering the conversation he had just overhead.

But Rain also knew that he was partly responsible for this mess. He had left Phayu without any real guidance from him on what to do. On what Rain needed from him and what he didn't need. He should've sat them down the next day to talk through what had happened but Rain had kind of wanted to just move on, pretend it didn't happen. In reality, he was embarrassed. So very embarrassed. Of being late again. Of messing up again. Of thinking about hiding it from Phayu. Of crying about it like a baby. Of thinking that Phayu would leave him.

The more he had thought about it, the more he knew he owed Phayu an apology for doubting him. Listening to Phayu talk with Saifah, he knew that Phayu probably wanted to apologize to him too but clearly didn't know how to start or what to say. As much as Phayu had made mistakes, so had he.

"So, first let me say, I'm not mad that you talked to Saifah, if that's what you're worried about. I don't really care that Saifah knows. I mean, after he walked in on us that one time, well, that was really way more embarrassing than this," Rain groaned while Phayu laughed.

Rain smacked Phayu in the arm and groaned, "Phi don't laugh. It wasn't funny."

"Yes it was. It totally was," Phayu returned, still laughing and earning another smack on the arm.

"Stop laughing! Ugh you're awful," Rain said, glaring at Phayu until he stopped laughing.

"Anyway, he's your brother and best friend and you obviously needed someone to talk to. Which is fine. I just kinda wish it had been me you talked to first," Rain said, reaching out to hold one of Phayu's hands.

"I know and I'm sorry," Phayu began before Rain could continue.

"Phi, please let me talk first," Rain whined, receiving a nod from Phayu.

"So, I guess first, I want to say sorry for that day," Rain squeezed Phayu's hand when he noticed Phayu open his mouth to interrupt. "Nope, me first," Phayu grimaced but nodded.