The Seventh Avenger: Memories Never Die// Bucky Barnes

TWENTY-ONE: DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

ARC 2

'How could you let them turn you into a monster?'

          Keeping track of my time and days had never been a problem for me before I was captured. With numerous SHIELD missions keeping me on my toes, each one more different than the last and unique in their own way, and other social curriculums – family time, dinner and drinks with friends, heading to the gym on a daily basis – every day of my recently discovered adult life was exciting. Memorable. Different. The days blurred in a sense with how fast-paced everything was, but my routine changed enough that it was easy for me to keep track of the days that passed.

          But it is the exact same routine that greets me whenever I wake up to the sound of guards slamming heavy fists on my door every morning here in the HYDRA facility.

          Wake up.

          Walk to the infirmary where Doctor S'Yan would inject me with the serum.

          Stale breakfast in the cafeteria.

          Shower.

          Training.

          Experiments.

          Extra training with The Winter Soldier (assuming that my experiments didn't send me back to S'Yan in the infirmary after their completion).

           Dinner.

          Locked in my cell.

          Sleep.

          Nightmares.

          Sleep.

          Screams bouncing on the walls.

          Sleep.

          Wake up.

          Again. Start over. Repeat. There was barely any change, and because of this, I easily lose track of the days. The weeks. The first two months of captivity.

          The experiments are easily the worst of my torturous routine. From the moment that I wake up, I dread them and the variety of pain that they bring me, often leaving my body in a frail and shaken state. Fire burns my skin. Water chokes my lungs. Dirt clouds my senses. Ice freezes my skin. Electricity scorches my nerves. Three hours, every day I am subjected to experiments that have no real outcome other than excruciating pain. I try to put them behind me whenever I am dragged from that little square room, but this proves to be impossible. I can't escape the memory of them, even in my nightmares each night. They haunt me in my sleep, and they come to me every morning when I wake up.

          Jasper hadn't been kidding. What these people are putting me through truly is one of the worst things imaginable. But he had been wrong in one aspect, at least; I was able to walk away from them alive. Barely. But still alive.

           Sometimes, there are days when the experiments become too much for me. Sometimes, my frail, shaken body needs to stay overnight in the infirmary for observation, S'Yan keeping a close eye on me to make sure that I don't succumb to my injuries. Handcuffed to the bed, eyes drooping but not giving into oblivion completely, I talk to the sad Doctor. He tells me stories of his home country, Wakanda. A beautiful place with the most breathtaking sunsets in the world. I can tell from the longing in his tone and the gentle way that he speaks that he misses it, and his family as well. It only further adds fuel to my burning hatred for HYDRA. I want nothing more than to burn them and this facility to the ground.