In the Wake of the War

Chapter-6

As Kunti found herself face to face with her eldest daughter in law, she had to look away. She could not bring herself to meet Vrushali's intense, accusing eyes.

Uttara's eyes flitted in between the two of them.

"What were you saying, Uttara?" Vrushali asked Uttara, still not taking her eyes off Kunti. 

"Ah, Mata Draupadi and Mata Subhadra would like to meet you if you don't mind."

There was an elongated pause as Vrushali seemed to ponder the question.

"Very well." she finally said. "Since I do not yet know which are their chambers, I will meet them in my usual chambers in this castle in a while then." She said, her tone brokering no argument about the place of meet. "I'm sure the servants can tell them where I used to stay with Karna."

The servants could have also very easily told her where Draupadi's chambers were. It had been very much done to send a message. It might have been familiar territory, but it definitely would not be home territory for Vrushali since this whole palace was now the territory of Draupadi and Subhadra. However, if Vrushali was going to be meeting them, she was clearly planning to show that she was not someone who could be forced to do anything she did not desire.

"Now run along dear, inform your mother in laws. I will see them in a while."

Uttara quickly left, giving Kunti a small smile which she barely managed to return.

Now it was just her and Vrushali.

"Hello Queen Mother. Or should I say Mother?" The "Mother" was said in a tone one would speak an insult.

"Whichever you wish, my dear." Kunti said mildly, finally forcing herself to look Vrushali in the eyes.

Kunti looked at her carefully. She had seen her before in the palace of course, even spoken to her a few times, but of course not as a mother in law to her daughter in law. She did not think they would be speaking like that even now.

In the few occasions Kunti had met her before, never before had she seen scorn in Vrushali's eyes. In the privacy of her mind, she would admit, it was well deserved.

The ensuing silence between the two women was uncomfortable. Disturbing even.

It wasn't easy to face those who were in mourning. The Queen Mother had seen enough incriminations in the eyes of those widows, young and old, mothers to children who were now fatherless, mothers to soldiers who had rendered their wombs bare.

And Vrushali was both of those things.

"How did it feel, Mother? When he fell?"

"Like it was I who had been pierced by the arrow instead." Kunti answered, her voice trembling.

"You camouflage your grief well then," Vrushali said, disbelief evident in her voice.

"I grieve for him. As do my sons. There is nothing to camouflage."

Vrushali's smile silenced her in more ways than one.

"Am I supposed to be grateful?"

Kunti closed her eyes for a moment, not knowing what to say.

"What would you have done?" Kunti asked her finally.

"I would not have abandoned my newborn child." Came the prompt and expected reply.

Kunti lowered her eyes.

"But I was not born and raised Royalty. And I did not have a reputation to maintain, neither mine nor my Father and Kingdom's."

Kunti blinked. Were her ears deceiving her or...

"I can forgive you for abandoning my husband as an infant. In the end, so did Karna. You were a teenager after all and you were scared. And teenagers are known for making rash decisions. It does not make what you did right, but it is understandable."

Kunti waited for the incrimination to finally come. And it did.

"But what is unforgivable, is that even when you saw him as a man, even after you recognised him, you didn't say a word." The pitch of her voice did not increase, but her tone could freeze the oceans.

"You watched him get insulted and scorned, by society, by his own brothers and you stayed silent. You watched the cousins' enmity increase, and you must have had an inkling of the fact that upon revealing the truth, you could have prevented the escalation, that Karna could have prevented it, but you still remained silent."

"Why? Why?" Vrushali asked, showing frustration for the first time.

Kunti could only remain silent now as well. 

"Answer me, Queen Mother. Today you must answer me."

"I was afraid. I'm not quite sure of what. Of my sons' rejection perhaps. And now of their reputation."

Vrushali stared at her, hard. "And are your sons any better off now? Your eldest is dead. And I don't think the rest are happy. They might have been, if you had chosen to reveal the truth."

Kunti could not deny her words.

"And were you truly worried that having an elder brother who was a supreme warrior and the blessing of the Sun God would have been a tarnish on their reputation? And if it was the matter of it being a child born out of wedlock and being raised by the Suta clan.....I have no words for you."

"No," Kunti said desperately. "Not that, never that." 

She shook her head. "I don't know," she said, her eyes welling up. "It was insensible fear. But it overpowered everything else. I was a coward. I know that. And I know I cannot be forgiven."

Vrushali shook her head in despair. 

"Only time will tell that, Queen Mother."

She turned away with a swish of her sari, and walked towards her chambers.

Kunti's tears finally fell.