In the Wake of the War

Chapter-20

Nowadays most of the times the Pandavas would sit in silence whenever they were alone together. It was a stark difference from how things used to be before. Before.

Arjun hated it. But. What would they even talk about? They had never had a lack of topics before. But now. Laughing, making light of things seemed highly inappropriate. Besides it was hardly easy to smile when you had lost all your children.

But they needed to talk. And not just to each other. He thought back to Madhav's words. It was not necessary to make make Vrishaketu the first person to accept an apology. It was impossible in fact.

There were others who they owed their apologies just as much.

Mata Gandhari and Taatshree. And at some point that Arjun really didn't want to think about, Radha and Adhirat Sushen.

"He-ey." Arjun croaked out to catch everyone's attention. Never had he thought that his voice would crack talking to his own brothers.

They turned to look at him.

"Don't you lot think that we should go talk to Mata Gandhari and Taatshree? We have hardly spoken to them since we got here. It's rather rude of us."

They all stared at him.

"Bhrata Arjun," Nakul said, "I think that they would understandably prefer if it we never showed them our faces again."

The rest of his brothers seemed to silently agree, even Jyesht.

Arjun huffed. "But we must! We can't just sit here and let them resent us forever! Our family was so huge. Now its so much smaller by comparision and we must keep all our remaining family close. And we must start with apologising to our Badi Mata and Pita."

"You mean I must apologise." Bhrata Bheem said.

Arjun frowned at him. "Yes you must, but so must we all since--"

But he was cut of by Jyesht who addressed Bhrata Bheem. 

"Why do you sound reluctant Bheem? Do you not want to apologise? Do you not regret everything that has happened?"

They all stared at the enormous man as he looked down at his hands folded in his lap as if they were the most fascinating things to ever exist.

"Bhrata Bheem?" Sahadev prompted when the silence extended.

"I don't regret killing Duryodhan and Dushashan." Bhrata Bheem said quietly before he suddenly looked up with fiery eyes and his voice grew louder. 

"And why should I? After the way they insulted Panchali, after Duryodhan asked her to sit on his lap, after Dushashan dragged her through these very halls and attempted to disrobe her, why should I regret killing them? Why should I regret killing them when they sent us and our mother to burn in Varanavrat? When they even attempted to mock us during our exile they tricked us into?"

Bheem addressed Sahadev, "You don't regret killing Mama Shakuni do you? Why should I regret killing them then? And I don't want to apologise for something that I don't regret doing. It would be dishonest."

Sahadev looked away and they all fell into a thoughtful silence.

Arjun's mind was in a whirl.

He could understand what Bhrata Bheem meant. But here was the thing. Every incident that he had mentioned... Angaraj Karna had been involved in them in some form or the other.

He had insulted Draupadi by calling her a harlot and an impure woman for marrying five men, he had known about the Varanavrat plot and hadn't stopped it, he was even present there during the Ghoshayatra. And yet. Yet Arjun regretted killing him. He was drowning in so much regret that his sleep was plagued with nightmares of the man and his waking hours filled with immense guilt.

Was it only because they had found out he was their brother? Would he have felt any of this regret if he hadn't been their brother? The fact that he might not have suddenly made him feel horrible. But then Duryodhan and Dushasan had also been their brothers. Cousins yes, but brothers nonetheless. And ones they had grown up with.

Arjun remembered Vrishaketu's accusing face and barely held back a shudder. Was it only because he could see how much the Angarani and Vrishaketu were suffering, that he felt guilty?

Did their cousins' death not hit so hard because there were no sons left to accuse them(because they had killed them all as well) and because their wives seemed to be too afraid of them to even face them?

Arjun could not understand anything anymore.

Just then Yudhishtir spoke up, "Arjun is right. We will apologise. We must. And not just to our elder aunt and uncle but to all our sisters in law. That we haven't already done so is highly irresponsible of us.

"But Jyesht-" Bhrata Bheem started but he too was cut off by Jyesht. 

"I understand that you don't regret killing the two of them. But you do regret killing the others, don't you? Like Vikarna?"

Bhrata Bheem again fell silent but then he nodded.

"And you do regret causing your elder aunt and uncle pain and widowing all your sisters in law?" 

Bhrata Bheem nodded again.

"Then apologise to them for that. But we will apologise to them all."

His brothers nodded.

"And then," Arjun spoke up. "Then we must apologise to Radha and Adhirat."

They fell silent again, all of them looking somewhat disturbed. Jyesht especially, suddenly looked even more haggard that usual.

"Yes." he said, hoarsely. "Yes, we must apologise to them too."

"And then," Arjun continued, "We must apologise to--"

"The Angarani and Vrishaketu." Nakul and Sahadev finished in tandem.

"I don't think Vrishaketu particularly wants anything to do with any of us." Sahadev said.

"Yes, but we must still apologise."

"Unlike the others," Nakul said, "he won't even try to have a conversation with us. Understandably." he added. "He will blow us off. Immediately." 

Arjun winced. He was right after all.

 "So Bhrata Arjun," Sahadev finished, "I think that since you're the closest to him, you should first get to know him properly and then introduce him to us and then we will all apologise to him."

Arjun spluttered incredulously. "Closest to him?! You mean the one he hates the most?"

"He means the one the boy has had most interactions with and is most familiar with." Bhrata Bheem said.

"'Interactions'?! Don't you mean fights?" Arjun asked, still unable to believe his brothers' frankly ridiculous logic.

"Still. At least he does fight with you instead of turning and immediately walking away the moment he sees you like he did with the rest of us, remember?" Jyesht told him gently.

Well, when he put it that way....

Enjoy the chapter! Don't forget to vote if you liked it and tell me what you think in the comments!