To my rescue

Chapter 33

I swear I am not a sulker or someone who hold everything at heart for long time, it is what is it, that is the person I know myself being for a long period of time but these days it feels like I lose that part of me and right now I am dreading for it.

Yesterday was some sort of sweetest-agony the person that made me happy made me feel terrible and here I am sitting across the kitchen counter with a throbbing head sipping my third cup of coffee because I hardly slept yesterday night.

The level of anger and anxiety is on another level, I prayed tahajjud as usual and read some verses from the Quran and that was when I got to sleep for an hour and half, that is the only sleep I had for the rest I was just beating myself up with thoughts.

It's Imran and I am not understanding him at all, I know he is sort of traumatize but see no reason for the accusations he lay off on me yesterday night, I remember my first statement when I agreed to help him with his trashed faith, I said I won't rush him into anything, actually I am really trying, I know I am because I know myself better, sometimes he do alot of things in a wrong way but I will choose to address it is cool way even if I am annoyed just like yesterday, he tattoo my name on his wrist without my permission, I feel bad about it because this is something we should agree on together because it's my real name had it been it's a nickname or sort it will never bother me but I hold my tongue from scolding him because I choose to see it from his point of view, that's the way he think and it's fine.

Since after he told me his story I am not the person I was to him before because I see him differently and understanding in a way only Jake and his family could, I am being easy on him, taking to him without a solid reason just help him through. I think I am trying my possible best, I might make a mistake, it's normal, I am not justifying but holding up to my identity as human, I am not perfect I ought to make mistakes too, we are all struggling with our faith at some point but not in the way he does.

I almost call him again yesterday after the fight but I thoughtfully stopped myself from the that because he mentioned something that really confuse and makes me feel we have all been doing this for nothing. He said he is trying to be a better person for me, Me? Why me, where am I meant to be included in this situation, isn't he the one that said he need peace in his life? So where did I come into this? Isn't because I am happy when he said something believably? Well I am happy for him and at a point I am happy for me too because Allah promise Jannah for anyone who convince an astray person on to the right path, nothing more nothing less.

I am really disappointed for hearing that statement from his mouth, who knows what he is even doing right now, maybe he went back to his Vodka and liquors probably he passed out, this is terrible, I really don't want to regret getting myself into this and by the way he speaks to me yesterday he ended everything, he said I should remind him not giving a glance to the place I ever visit, fine let him not visit that his choice but I am not stopping myself from going to anywhere because of him. Let him stay away from me as long as he wants.

God knows, I didn't push any of this so let him be, one thing I believe and get to read it from my mom is you can never change a person who is not ready to make a change in their selves and that includes some one like Imran and me in the situation, of course there is some resemblance because here I am with my head throbbing like shit.

A part of me is trying to convince me that, this is it and another is telling me that he will come around and at a point I will like to believe the first part of me because I don't want any diluted relationship between between me and Imran, I want everything to hang on to it place, I am helping with religion so let it be about that, anything more than that will definitely be curse on both of us and that is what I have been avoiding since day one.

I think it's highly time to stop beating myself up for this shit, I should go and dress up and go to my first class, my misery doesn't matter with me or without the world will continue happening, so it's up to me to let go of it or not.

I get up and head upstairs and take a quick hot shower, I dress up in a green jumpsuit from Moja majka and a light brown french coat with a scarf matching my coat and heel boots of my usual inches from Alexander McQueen and apply some light makeup to hide the bags under eyes making a bit bold with Rosy red lips stick and my jhumkis earrings.

I grabbed my bag and rush out of the house without eating anything, I am not even hungry at all. I head straight to school and rush to my class because it's almost time and I don't wants to be center attention when getting into the class, not today at least.

When I get to sit on my usual chair I found something in the small locker, it's an envelope similar to the ones I found in the flower yesterday, I tore and open it, it's still a threat note from the unknown, it says "Don't be stubborn Alia, you don't want it that way." seriously? What do I not want? And which way? What does this letters means and who is sending it me? I thought it's Sophia but I doubt of Sophia will do this because she understands violence much better.

But really whoever it is should have it their way because I am worked up enough to be worried about some hanky panky or hide and seek notes, just let it be. By the time I pulled into cafeteria parking lot my vision begin to blur because of hunger, I don't remember eating lunch or dinner yesterday, I just had some juice and few pieces of cake during the party and this morning I teemed my self with coffee, very unhealthy. For the third time my phone buzzed in my bag and I don't care to pick it whoever it is should wait, I have myself to handle right now. I ordered for a pasta and garlic chicken wings with orange Juice. I am amid of eating when my phone buzz again, it Kehlani, why is she calling me one after another, I call her back and wait for her to pick.

"Hey Lily what's up? She answered.

"Hey, what's it Kee, you have been calling 5 times at a time." I said waiting for her say something, I just hope it's not Imran doing something stupid at my home.

"No, I just call once Lily, maybe you have a missed call notification." She said and I remove the phone from my ear and something caught my eyes on top of the phone a message, maybe one or two I can't guess.

"Are you still there Lily? Kee's voice startled me, I almost forget that I am on phone with her.

"Yeah I am, I was just checking."

"Oh I just call to check on you, you left before I wake up, I thought you will like to have some breakfast before leaving." Of course that is what I will do had it been yesterday night went as well as it start.

"I am sorry Kee, it escape my mind." Well I am apologizing for no reason, I am not even thinking straight.

"Why are you apologizing is not like we some of appointment on doing that, so chill, where are you? She asked.

"I am at cafeteria helping my rumbling tummy."

"Well, that's great, when will you be at shop?

"When I am done with my classes, maybe by 1 in the afternoon."

"Okay bye, I will see you then." I tell goodbye and she hang up.

Immediately rush into my inbox, the messages are from Unknown, it says;

It was nice of you to start a fight
with him yesterday, it's for your
own good.

No doubt this messenger is talking about yesterday night incident but I didn't tell anyone maybe Sophia heard him yelling at me on phone yesterday, why not? They live together. The other message says.

Don't be stubborn Alia
we both know he will run back
to you, be wise enough to reject him!

Since when? Who is this person? Where is this sense of entitlement from? At this point I don't even know if Imran will come back with his head in one place but seeing this warning that looks like an order will serve as nothing to me in my decision making.