When It's Cold I'd Like To Die

0:58

Justin sat down on the leather seating, elbows leaning against the marble table as he took a sip from the McDonald's cup. Light music played from the speakers as it was basically empty in the fast food restaurant that late night, lights still bright and machines still beeping in the kitchen as little to no customers were present at this hour. 

He looked down at the drug he had been clenching in his fist up until now. Justin glanced at the bathroom doors. This was his chance. He could get that relief, perhaps he'd forget about the fact that he was dying. Not possible. Justin knew it. Nothing could get rid of the fact that he was going to be gone. 

He liked to think that he didn't care. That dying was what he was heading for longer than Death-Call would know. Three years of the same thing, the same old cycle of drugs, alcohol and having sex with older guys just for a few bucks. His goal was to die. Deep down he knew that. No matter how much heroin he'd force into his system, he'd still wake up in a pool of vomit. It pissed him off that his own attempts of fading the life out of him would fail, yet one phone call managed to assure him death more than he could. 

His phone was still clutched in his hand as he got up from his seat, hoping maybe they'd call back and say it was a mistake. Or that perhaps they wouldn't and Justin wouldn't have to worry anymore about what he was going to get his next dose tomorrow, or where he was going to sleep it off, if he'd eat, drink. He wasn't going to have to do that anymore, yet the idea of his life being cut off short with the curiosity if he'd ever make it back to a normal life was disappointing. He always thought he'd have the chance to see that day come to life. 

Sitting down on the curb outside the building, beside the drive-thru, Justin watched his phone screen light up. He had stolen the device from some asshole at the homeless shelter, along with his charger after going months wihtout his own, which he had given some older guy in exchange of cash. 

How was he going to spend his last day alive?

 Justin had no idea. He didn't have anyone to hang out with, besides it was nothing he didn't expect. Being homeless, it wasn't like a normal teenager who would hang out with his mates until dark, living like he was, it was just him and the streets. The only people he hung out with were dealers and some skaters. 

Opening up the search bar, Justin typed in an app he had heard of before, years ago, when he didn't believe in people being able to tell when someone would die. 

Last Friend. 

Clicking the install button, Justin contemplated upon his choice. He had been alone for years, well, his whole life. He didn't even want to think about the only friend he ever had, which was Bryce. Despite having him in his life since he was eight, Justin was always alone despite the few people who'd appear in his life, like Jessica. He didn't have much hope in the app, he didn't really expect anyone to give a shit about him dying. 

Create profile. 

Justin clicked on it as he then tapped onto the first field. 

Username. 

Justin thought. He wasn't really good at usernames, he always used the basics. His name. 

Justin_Foley

Justin scrolled to the next field. Date of Birth. 

February 1st 2001 

Justin stopped at the last field. Despite how simple creating the profile on this app was, clearly not making anyone waste their time on info, creating a description still seemed like something Justin would waste so much time on.

Justin started typing, not much in mind about what he would usually write as a description of himself. 

19 

Live in California

Dying today 

Justin shrugged it off, he had no inspiration whatsoever. He was homeless, thinking of a perfect description is the least of his problems, dying or not. Taking a quick picture with the least amount of care put into it, he set it as his profile picture. 

Justin clicked on the create button, watching as his profile popped up on his screen. Wasting not even a second, Justin clcked onto the home page, looking at all the options he had, trying to wrap his head around the functions of this app. There were a lot of interesting people from what he was seeing from the home page, looking at the picutres of teenagers hanging out together, skating or watching movies, or watching fireworks. 

A pang of jealousy. Justin began to wish that he had that chance of spending his last day like others could, with smiles on their faces, spending time with loved ones or friends, even strangers that were destined to spend time with them until death would do them part. Justin knew deep down that he would just be stuck here in Oakland, wandering alleys until he'd probably be brutally murdered to his predicted death. 

Newest users

Justin clicked on the option. 

It's when he scrolled down and caught sight of one profile that he wished he never opened the app. Justin stared at for a moment, clicking onto it as he tried to make sure what he was seeing was real. 

ClayJensen1 

Justin looked at the description and realized real quick that it was indeed Clay Jensen. Clay Jensen himself. ''Shit.'' Justin didn't really care much, at least he forced himself not to care. He didn't want to give a shit that Clay Jensen was dying. Yet he was still on the profile, staring at it with his brow furrowed. 

He could not believe it. 

Clay was dying. So was he. 

They both were.

 Justn hesitated, he didn't want to just ignore the profile, it was luring him, it was tempting him. He hadn't seen anyone from Evergreen in two and a half years, some time like that, Justin had lost count. Seeing someone familiar was not only making his need to go back, but it was pushing his mood downwards. 

Justin forced himself to get a grip. It was Clay Jensen. The same guy who tried to sabotage everyone, who tried to get justice but take everyone down in the process. Justin stopped to think. He couldn't even think rationally. Ever since he waked away from Bryce and found himself here, it had given him so much time to think about himself, or about everything. 

The reality that it was him who created a source for all the rumours about Hannah, he just watched as everyone laughed at that picture and called her a slut. That he had let Bryce step into that room and rape Jessica, that he just sat there and did nothing, then blatantly lied to her that it never happened. 

It was all his fault. 

Justin had tried to live with that. Only to learn that he couldn't live with it.  

Justin stared at the profile, holding back the urge to just throw the phone across the pavement, to see the screen shatter over the familiar boy's account. He couldn't bring himself to do it despite the overflowing rage that possessed him, sourced by the lack of relief coming from the drugs that were still in his pocket, the hurtful memories or the guilt that still surged inside him like a roaring fire. 

Without thinking, Justin clicked onto one of the options as a chat popped up on his screen. For a second, he regretted it, yet he wasn't the type of person to think about what he as doing. Tapping at the keyboard. He began to type.

Hi 

Justin stared at the simple greeting. 

He clicked send.