Heart of Ice

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Song: She's in the Rain- The Rose

"Come on, Alaska. Wake up!"

I suck in a harsh breath, my body shooting straight up, every inch of me shaking violently. My eyes frantically glance around the room as I hyperventilate, unable to register my surroundings or catch my breath. Someone shakes me violently, but it doesn't touch the rattling pulsing through all my limbs. As my vision finally comes back into focus, I realize I'm in my room-- untouched and alive-- and Hunter is on his knees in front of me, his hands clasping my shoulders as his scared eyes scan over every part of my face.

Despite knowing I'm okay and safe, I still can't breathe. It's one of the worst panic attacks I've ever experienced after a nightmare. My heart pounds in my ears and I can see Hunter's mouth moving, telling me to breathe, but I can't focus enough to follow what he's trying to guide me to do. In my ears, I can still hear Demetrius' sinister chuckle and the crackle of the fire. I can still feel the intense pain of the fire as it grazes my skin and burns me alive. I can still remember the deep ache in my heart of seeing Hunter with Blair, of watching the picture of us disappear into a pile of ashes.

I press my hands hard against my ears, wailing. Hunter grabs my chin with his thumb and index finger, forcing me to look directly at him. His mouth repeats over and over, "Breathe, angel", and then he breathes in and out, watching me closely, and as I come back to reality, the images of the nightmare slowly fading away, I follow his breathing, albeit through ragged, raspy breaths. Once I'm calmed down enough to where my breaths are just a wheezing rattle in my lungs as I follow his deep breaths, his tight hold on me loosens, and he gently wraps his arms around my body, holding me close in a warm, safe embrace. He presses my head against his shoulder and I close my eyes, focusing on the sound of his frantic heartbeat as I breathe more easily, although my body still shakes as hard as it did when I broke out of the nightmare.

"You're okay," He whispers, holding me tighter. "I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner."

I still can't speak, but I slowly nod, gripping his shirt in my hands. He holds me for a few more minutes before pulling away slightly, his eyes running over my face once again as he frowns. "Let's get you to the shower. You're covered in sweat."

Hunter hooks his arms under my back and legs before lifting me up and carrying me into the bathroom. He sits me on the edge of the bathtub, helping me to lift my shirt over my head and then guides my legs out of my shorts, leaving me in just my bra and underwear. He runs some warm water and adds lavender soap before lifting me into the tub. Hunter sits on the edge behind me, softly pulling the hair tie out of my hair until it cascades down my back, and then he grabs a cup and pours water over my head, careful not to get it in my eyes. He lathers his hands in shampoo, massaging my head gently. I lean into his touch, closing my eyes as I focus on the sound of his hands as he washes my hair. Out of every moment with him in my life, I can't recall a more gentle, purely intimate moment than how he's taking care of me now. My heart fills in a way I can't describe, and I try my best not to pinpoint the feeling bubbling up that I've known all too well when it comes to him.

So, instead, I divert from that feeling and put up the front that I know will keep me from more heartbreak. "You should be satisfied, you know," I croak out, my throat sore from the panic attack. "The backstabbing bitch is being tormented again, except it's tenfold this time."

"I would never wish these nightmares on you, Alaska. You don't deserve them."

I turn my head enough to look him in the eye, tears flooding my own as pain pierces my heart yet again. "But I deserve your distrust in me?"

Before he can say anything, I break down crying, quiet sobs rattling my body as I pull my knees to my chest and bury my head in them. Hunter removes his hands from my hair and I think he left, but then he slides into the tub behind me, cradling me against his chest as I cry more. I bury my head in his shoulder, unable to stop the sobs that escape my mouth. "I don't want to go through this anymore. It's exhausting."