Mafia Princess

chapter 15

We are on our way back home and Jim has been silent all the way. It's scares me to see him like this, to have him not grinning wildly and cracking jokes all the time, to not see his smile for more than one hour.

Why would someone do this to him, he doesn't deserve this, this is how much my little brother is affected by the explosion. I want my silly, crazy brother back.

The driver takes the last turn to get into the gate and Jim has been quiet all the way like he has stroke or something.

I know what he needs, he need a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen, someone he loves. Someone to cheer him up.

He needs Ella.

Taking my phone that has been lying on my lap I tap the search bar typing Ella's name and I quickly draft a message to her.

He needs you please come.

And I press send before jumping off the black Lamborghini after the driver holds the door open for me.

Jim is already on his way inside and I follow him feeling so useless, I can't even help my brother feel okay.

Am such a bad sister.

I walk into the living room and am surprised to find Bred seating adjucent to Barry. Looks like I interrupted something, I glance at Jim at the landing just disappearing into his room.

He's so broken.

Seeing Bred here makes everything so awkward, I've been avoiding him all this time. With how Arnold keeps invading my dreams and I weirdly can't keep him off my head, my feelings became complicated and I don't know how to take things with Bred.
So avoiding him made things easier for me until now.

without a word I turn to head to the stairs just as he falls into step with me making hope he wasn't that fast.
“Can we talk? ” he asks holding my arm at the elbow refraining me from going on upstairs.

“There is really nothing to talk about.” I say trying to get off his grip that is tighter and at a point getting painful. “You're hurting me. ”

With that he let's go so first like he is scared of hurting me. “sorry, I didn't mean to. ” he apologizes “can we at least talk? ”

“come with me. ” before I take another step Ella walks in and she walks directly to me.
Without a word I put my hands around her shoulders pulling her in for a tight hug. “thank you for coming, he's in his room. ”

“it's fine, it's the least I can do I'll show myself there. ” she says pulling back.“Hey.” she briefly greets Bred before going ahead.

I glance at Bred before taking the last few steps on the stairs aware of his quick footsteps after me.

“did I do something wrong? ” is the first question he asks as soon as we are in my room.

“no you did not.” I say quietly avoiding his eyes, as a matter of fact I feel guilty for being involved and allowing Arnold to complicate it all.

“why have you been avoiding me then? ”
Am avoiding his eyes at all cost, I can't help but feel like I wronged him. I can't watch his eyes full of emotions and sadness and fear in one bundle. He reaches to hold my hands lying uselessly on my laps and I let him. I feel a pit in my stomach create. I made him this sad, I've been too focused on my own problems including avoiding this conversation and finally the time to face my fears has come.

I was avoiding him because I love him and I cheated on him, it was my weakest moment and I used that to get distracted.

I know that is a lame excuse to give and it's exactly why I feel guilty. He has never given me a reason to feel like he never loved me. He has always put me first even when his dad threatened to kill me, he stood his ground yet a one mistake he made was enough to test my loyalty.

He gently squeezes my hand, “Rob? ” he calls snapping me back. “are you okay? You are turning pale. ”

“No it's nothing Bred. I should be the one to apologize to you. ”

His expression gets serious at that, “why?”
“because I've been avoiding you all this time yet you did nothing wrong, I am the one who needed to talk to you and let you know what is going on yet I made you feel like you wronged me. ”

He reaches to wipe a lone drop of tear on my right cheek reminding me that I'm crying, “hey it's okay. We can always make things work. ”

“That is the problem Bred. ” I sniffle “I don't know what am feeling anymore. I don't know what I want. Plus a lot is happening in my life complicating everything.”

His voice breaks and I feel my brain go numb, this is becoming too much for me to bare. “what are you saying. ” his voice comes as a whisper.

I say a word I didn't expect to say, “we need to press pause. ” his grip in my hand loosens and my heart breaks. “ until am able to figure out what my heart wants, I need to let you go. ” I finish.

“you're breaking up with me!? ” his voice breaks again breaking my heart all over again.

“am sorry but I love you too much to let us have a toxic relationship when I can just let you go and let you be happy. ”

“why can't you see that my happiness lies with you Rob? ” he goes quiet for a second before continuing. “It's Arnold, right? ”

That gets my attention, “how did you find that out? ”

He pulls his hands away from mine standing up. “you could have told me that you developed feelings for him and now you can't shake him off.” he is so hurt that I practically feel his pain and see it in his eyes. “my phone beside me on the bed rings and Arnold's name flashes in huge laters on the screen.

Bred glances at the phone before turning to me, he's more angry than disappointed, “I guess this is my cue.” he says taking a few steps backwards towards the door and I can't help but let the tears burning me at the back of my eyes roll down profusely. “goodbye Robin.” and he walks out.

He has never been this angry let alone disappointed in me. I keep staring blankly at the door, my hands are numb I can't even turn the phone to stop it from blasting my eardrums but the loud ringing of my phone is really the least of my problems right now.

I thought this was going to be easier but it just shutterd my heart in pieces. I just couldn't watch him keep hoping for our relationship to be stable and happy again knowing that my brain has been filled with Arnold's memories in them.

I miss my past life when everything was okay. When my dad was happy, when Bred and I were okay, when Jim's business had not been reduced to ashes.

Everything is just upside down.

I wish I could fix things.