Red Dead Redemption

[001] the blink of an eye

[ ONE: the blink of an eye ]

REI OFTEN REMINISCED what could've been.

It wasn't that she enjoyed swathing herself in bandages of self-pity, trying to pacify the torn thing to left side of her chest; she was simply curious.

     She'd always been curious, analysing the mechanics of the mundane game of life that rolled on and on like a suck VHS tape. Curiosity killed the cat, her mother used to scald her, but Rei had a plentiful amount of lives. She used to sit tentatively at the kitchen table when she was younger, legs crossed and tucked against her warm chest as she listened. Her older sister and mother would usually be arguing about something trivial: boyfriend staying over, helix piercing, the forgotten spring onion on the shopping list ... and Rei's dark eyes would swing between the pair, an indecisive shooting star, trying to figure out the meaning of it all.

     These arguments would always end with a door slam, rattling the chinaware and spilling hot miso soup over the brim of her bowl. A string of profanities from her mother would follow, then an indifferent (and often patronising) comment from her father. Then, another argument would bloom - a blood red flower armed to the teeth with thorns.

     Anger. Rei had concluded blissfully. The meaning of life was how long one can suppress their anger, their savageness, before snapping. Each person was a nebula waiting to explode.

She, of course, was no exception. She'd feel the rage sometimes, a bitter taste in her mouth, poisoning her words as she trapped them between her lips. She could also feel it in her heart, her lungs and her brain. She learned how to suppress it: yen pressed into an open palm in exchange for a bag of something magic. It was by no means moral, but it worked, and that's all she cared about.

Rei often reminisced for a time where she didn't think about anger. She passed coffee shops and restaurants on the way to work, seeing young couples on dates blush and drown in each others souls. That would be me, she'd breathe, if life was fair. She would think the same on the train, sat opposite women and men in suits, shoes shined and ready to conquer the world. That would be me. Sisters sharing earphones on the bus, a rocket reaching the moon on the television, the protagonist of a novel overcoming the villain. That would be her.

     Presently, she chewed on her bubblegum, tasting the artificial strawberry as it fizzled and flattened on her tongue. She tapped the keys of her phone absently, unfocused thoughts swirling in their usual erratic dance at the front of her mind. She was trapped in her head again, somewhere distant but still within reaching distant if she could be bothered to try. Blowing air from her lips, she checked the time. 16:34. Her shift would end soon, and she could take a walk to sit by the park lake. Her feet were sore from standing behind the counter all day - the pain doubled from her six am run that morning.

She pocketed her phone and looked around.

A few customers shuffled around the small convenience store. A middle-aged woman was speaking on her phone loudly, arguing with (what Rei interpreted as) her husband. A man was shoving spices into a basket whist his son read the shopping list from his glowing screen. A teenage girl was lingering around the alcohol, twirling a finger around her blonde locks absently whilst her gaze transfixed on the rows of shiny bottles before her.

     Rei frowned from her position behind the counter, wanting to reach out to the girl and shake her senseless. That'd been her once upon a time, young and naive, well into the process of becoming a stranger to herself. Maybe she wasn't so different after all, everyone had some flame to extinguish nowadays.