Slining Doors

Sad Truth

Colin was nervous and Penelope almost seemed to enjoy keeping him on edge.  In the meantime, she observed her, she was a pleasure for her eyes, she adored the way she tormented her lower lip with her teeth, she remembered that she had used them several times on him making him excite sudden.  Maybe she wasn't in the moment to think about these things... But she was stronger than him He loved her with all her being, he didn't understand why she was experiencing this situation but he hoped to fully understand Penelope's choices in life that she had lived.
"I remember the last time we danced together, your words that you cared about me and would always protect me made me the happiest woman alive. I almost couldn't believe that you, Colin Bridgerton, had finally noticed of me"
“I've been aware of you ever since you knocked me off my horse,” Colin said softly
"You were very good at hiding your interest, and you did it when you told your friends, going back on your word, that you weren't interested in me, that you weren't courting me. That you wanted to think about you, your travels and your passion as a writer. You certainly didn't have time for a little girl like me. There I understood what a person you were. An egocentric and snooty boy. From that moment on, I had decided to think of myself"
"I talked like an idiot to those people because I didn't want them to know my business, I didn't want that snake Lady Whistledown shooting the winds the next day that a Bridgerton had been lassoed and yes, I had plans for my future , but you were also in that project. I had to become a man worthy of you"
"I saw a man...that is, the back of a man who set off on exotic journeys, without even a word for me, not even when my father died"
Colin knew he'd been obnoxious.  And he swallowed the bitter words.
"Think what a surprise when after more than a year without hearing from you, you arrived with your arrogance to tell me that you wanted to woo me... you didn't even ask me, you thought you'd find the girl in love waiting for you while I continued my life . What did you expect but a no."
"Think that in my mind, they had quarreled over what I told you, I asked your forgiveness and you said yes..."
"Well definitely very comfortable for you to think so. Anyway I accepted the courtship of Lord Freser who is a distant cousin of the Queen he was very nice to me at first, and you almost killed him, but that was my fault You beat him because he tried to take advantage of me, you saved me but almost killed him! I had to intercede for you before the queen."
Colin listened with his mouth open in her astonishment, it wasn't her life that she had lived.
"Why didn't you tell the queen anything about what she had done to you..."
"The queen was furious she would never believe my words and she promised me that she would not lock you up in prison if you made well thought out choices in my life"
"What choices?"
"It's my life, it's none of your business."
"What choices!"  Colin yelled
Penelope wasn't afraid of him, she knew she wouldn't do anything to him, she was afraid that if she really told Colin everything she would understand how she still felt about him.
"You must be satisfied with what I tell you"
"I'm telling you this one last time Penelope, tell me everything or I assure you I'll make sure everyone knows I've been here, that we were alone and that I've taken liberties with you, and then you'll have to marry me whether you want or not"
"You would never!"
Colin got up from her and walked towards him pinning her with his arms on the arms of her chair.
"Are you quite sure, Pen?"  he said as he approached her legs and tried to insinuate himself between them with her body.
Penelope's eyes widened and she shivered with excitement at her in spite of her.
“Okay…” she said in a thin voice.  Colin felt like a worm but sat down across from her.
"The Queen asked me 2 things. The first was that I had to let you go, forget you because for me you were a constant source of distraction and pain, and in fact she was right. The second thing was that I had to stop writing, because I Colin am that <snake Lady Whistledown >, the queen is proud of me for my work as a woman but she didn't want me to stir up London gossip anymore, but I could write about anything else, because for the queen, a woman who writes is a woman who has power."
"You gave up your life...for me," Colin said. "You stopped writing."
"You say nothing about Lady Whistledown?"
"You've single-handedly built a literary empire, 10+ years of chronicles, what can I say except I'm impressed"
"But you called me a snake...do you want to take that back too?"
"You can't say you don't have a sweet forked tongue" by throwing one of her six usual deadly glares from her.
Only a fool like Penelope, still hopelessly in love, could think that <sweet forked tongue> could sound so erotic from Colin's lips.
A smile escaped him, but she recovered.
"And the story with Charlie?"
"After the chapter closed with lord Freser, the queen introduced me to Charlie is the deputy editor of a famous newspaper, he advises me on my books that I should start writing and the only way to have him by my side without causing scandals, is to accept his alleged courtship. It's a marriage of convenience. He has to hide a certain....ehmm propensity for the male universe...and I'll be financially protected and I'm free to live my life without problems"
"It's loveless..."
"It wouldn't change much, I had no love before and I don't have it now....maybe love is overrated"
"You could have me...I still want to marry you"
"But did you listen to what I told you???"  she said as she stood up to walk away from him.  She felt her steadfastness waver, Colin still wanted to marry her..
"Could you tell me looking into my eyes that you don't want me, that you don't love me?"
Penelope stood stiff without turning, she couldn't.
"How can I trust a selfish drunk like you," Penelope said angrily hoping to be believable.
“I told you to look me in the eye,” Colin whispered in his ear.
He gently made her turn towards him Penelope.  But she Penelope began to sob.
"Please leave me alone....haven't you hurt me enough already?"  Colin pulled away from her and it felt as if her heart had been ripped from her heart.
He went out without being seen while Penelope was crying bitterly.