The Dare to Destroy ~Cashby~

Chapter 14

Alan's POV

Empty, to have nothing inside, to hold zero subtance and to lack purpose.

Numb, Deprived of the power to feel, to become emotionally unresponsive.

Two words that suited how I felt quite well right now, empty and numb. Empty, because I felt like my life held no purpose, what purpose could a guy like me have? Sure, my grades where of a reasonable standard, not amazing, but not bad either, good enough to secure me at least a semi decent job later on in life and a place at a reasonably good college, should I choose to go. But, what else? That's all I had going for me, semi decent grades, but who would hire someone as screwed up as me? Who want's an emotionally unstable student at their college, or in their work place? Who want's a scrawny ginger kid who's only talents where in art and guitar playing? Who want's someone like me, a miserable, broken, torn, poor orphaned boy around, bringing everyone else down? Who wants someone who only attracts those who want to hurt others, to destory them, to use them as a punching bag?

Numb, void of emotion, it's been a week since I got out of hospital and that's how I'd become. I didn't want to think, or feel, because when I did, I only thought of Austin. How he stood so tall, with his perfect brown hair to match his perfect brown eyes which crinkled at the sides whenever he smiled that perfect white smile he held. How safe and secure I felt in his arms, how they'd become like a second home to me, somewhere I felt like I belonged for once in my life. His soft, pink lips and how the felt, and tasted like god had put all the sweetest things in life into those one set of lips when they where on mine. How I felt like our lips where only made for each others, as they fit perfectly together, filling my stomach with tiny little butterflies. How just one smile could turn a dark, gloomy, day into the brightest, how his laugh sounded like the most beautiful song when it rang in the air.

That's how the thoughts would start anyway, and then they'd turn, remembering what he'd done to me. How every kiss, every smile, every laugh, every time he held me, every word was nothing but a lie, a trap made to fool me. How I fell for everything he did, everything he said, falling further and further into the lion's den, me a lost little helpless sheep until the lion was ready to devour me and I had no means of escape. And suddenly every smile, every laugh, every kiss would turn into one's of bitterness, darkness and betrayal. He had set out to ruin me, to take away the last pieces I had after life took away my parents and he succeeded. I'd thought he was the answer, I thought life had finally thrown me a lifeline, but I had never been more wrong.

Meowww. I turned over on my side to be faced with a tiny black creature with white paws and a small white patch on her chest. Mittens. She was the suprise my grandparents had for me, they thought that maybe she might help me feel better a little. Give me something to care for, look after, to stoke, cuddle and play with when I felt lonely. They where right, I guessed, it did help a little, I loved her with the little bit of love I had left, it help distract me at times. Meowww she chimed again, nudging her cold wet nose against mine, before proceeding to lick myself.

"Alright, alright, I'm up." I sighed, sitting myself upright and picking her up, craddling her in my arms. "You hungry? You want breakfast?" She simply answered me with another meow, which I took as a yes. I looked over at my clock, seven A.M and sighed. "Come on then, let's fed you, then I best get ready for school, got to go back sometimes haven't I?"

I hadn't been back to school yet, my grandparents decided to let me stay home for a little while, I was still pretty weak and tired from nearly loosing every drop of blood from my body. But, it was now Monday, and while I still felt tried and weak, it wasn't because of that anymore, it wasn't physical triedness, or weakness, no, it was emotional. I didn't want to go back, I wanted to stay home, hell I would've even settled for moving schools, but neither of those where an option, my only choice was to go back. Back to the place I would be pushed and shoved, be beaten just because, to have horrible names hurled at me around every corner, down every corridor, back to the place I had to see him. I could avoid him, for the most part, but sadly, we did share Art together, which oh lucky me had today, and we shared music too...which was tomorrow. Then, to make it just that much better, of course, he sat next to me in both classes. I didn't want to see him, I didn't want to face him, but I had no choice.