The Dare to Destroy ~Cashby~

Chapter 12

Austin's POV

A day, a whole day Alan had been in hospital now and showed no signs of waking up. I didn't know what was really wrong, they wouldn't tell me much, just that he was stable, but not awake yet. Alan's grandparents where in too much of a state, which I couldn't blame them. Their grandson was laying in a hospital bed unconcious after trying to take his own life. They weren't even aware of his self harming and kept blaming themselves for not noticing. But it wasn't their fault, it was mine. He was trying, and he was doing to well to stop...but I pushed him over the edge. Because of me, they could loose their grandson, after already loosing their son and daugher-in-law last year. Because of me, their heart's where braking all over again, standing to loose the only piece of their son they had left. It should be me, laying in that bed, fighting for my life, not Alan. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve this life, he was too good. I should've just walked away when I felt myself falling for him, I should've called the whole thing off and took the beatings from Ronnie. I should've been a man and stepped up, but I didn't, and now I could loose Alan for other.

Word's cannot discribe the pain and guilt I felt, as I sat by his bedside, watching his pale, motionless body. All I could do was cry, I couldn't breath, I felt like I was sinking, drowing in a pool of water with no escape. But, I only had myself to blame, if I'd just left him alone, if I hadn't agreed to that stupid dare. If I had been a man and walked away, or if I'd just been honest with him, we wouldn't be here right now.

"I'm so sorry." I choked on tears, my head resting on his upper arm as my hands held his. "I'm s-so sorry Alan. I-I never wanted this to happen. I-I was trying to hard to find a way...b-but I failed you. I'm s-sorry, I'm so, so sorry, p-please wake up Alan. You can hate me forever...I-I deserve it, I-I deserve whatever punishment you feel is appropiate. I-I d-deserve karma to come and get me in the worst way. But you're f-family, you're g-grandparents, Sh-Shayley...they d-don't deserve to loose you because I-I was so stupid. T-This is the b-biggest mistake of my life. N-Nothing could ever make up f-for the things I have done. B-but please Alan wake the hell up, you m-may never want to see or s-speak to me again...but I-I need to know you're alive. I-I need you alive, b-because if you're gone, I-I may as well be too...I-I'm nothing without you. Y-You may not believe me, a-and I can't blame you, but I-I really do love you. I-I love you with everything I have. Everything I-I ever told you, ever said...it was all true, I-I never once lied a-about my feelings for you. Please Alan."

**Two days later**

I was giving up hope of Alan waking up, the doctors where giving him until this evening to wake up before moving him into a new ward. They'd already declared him comatosed...my love was in a coma, because of me, but they where giving him one more day before moving him.

"YOU DID THIS!" A voice screamed, making me jump out of the chair next to Alan's bed side. "This is your fault."

"Sh-Shayley please..." I begged, tears forming in my eyes again.

"NO! Don't you dare! I know everything, Vic told me everything. They told me how it was all just a sick set up to ruin 'the new kid', to 'teach the new kid' his place. They told me how you took a dare to make him fall for you, to make him trust you and you did! And well done Austin, you succeeding because look at him! You ruined him! You ruined him in ways Ronnie, Vic and Danny never could! You KNOW what the hell he's been through, he told you everything, he confided in you, he was so in love with you it was frankly vomit worthy! He was ready to give up his dream of going back home to Boston just to stay here with you! You made him believe that he could be okay, that things could be okay again...and you ripped it right out from underneath him. He's there, fighting for his life...because of YOU! How can you even stand to look at him?! How can you live with yourself and be in this room? You deserve to be the one fighting for your life...not Alan! You make me sick! I knew you where a lowlife scum bag, but hell, you even had me believing you changed. But no...you're still that scum bag who destory's peoples lives too fufil your sick, twisted needs! He could die because of you! How-"