My famous dad

Rant

Everything was false about the foster care I said

It not my fault Jessica said

You know how passionate I am with this I said

I know but I though this would help you Jessica said

I sat for several minutes not saying anything

You wanna be tell him Jessica said

No absolutely not I said

Then what are you gonna do I'm not gonna let your fire him Jessica said

I'm come clean I said

What do you mean? Jessica asked me sitting down

I pulled my diary and I handed it to her

Open it has everything about what I endure I said

This is gold Jessica said

I stood up Buddy notice my frantic movements

It not the simple I said

I grabbed glass of water and drink it

Your only 15 you shouldn't have to go through any of this alone Jessica said

I sat back down Buddy hopped on the couch laying his head on my lap calming me down

You know what kiddo we will get through this and then find you forever home I promise Jessica said

I shook my head blinking tears away

I know how difficult it is Jessica said

I'm sorry to be rude but do you when any kids from an orphan with baggage they fear everyone that turn on them or one think like I spill a glass I expect a slap on the face I said standing up once more

How have you cope for so long? Jessica said

Singing have gotten me through a lot I said

Maybe they can put an original song in the movie yeah that would be good Jessica said

I stood back up panicking even more

What going through your head? Jessica said

I'll make this be huge flop and I'll let Ryan down he already design with my OCD brain early today I said

Give me second Jessica said walking outside

I paced even faster and Buddy can tell how nervous I was

He jumped gave  me a hug

Jessica walked in

What I said

Ryan sitting out there doing nothing  you should go talk to him Jessica said

I'll jostle my words look like fool and he famous wanna talk to girl who off the street I said

Well he asked where my second lead at least acknowledge you as somewhat famous Jessica said

You really want me to talk to him I said

Yes Jessica said

Ugh fine I said

I put Buddy service dog vest on and we walked over there every step grew heavier as I moved forward it was like my feet stuck in concrete. I grabbed a thing of coffee and sat down in lawn chair and Buddy laid beneath my feet. He supposed calm me

Cute dog Ryan said breaking the ice

Thank he my service dog I said

What does he do? Ryan asked me

He make Im calm down I said

I know Im not aloud to pet a service dog but is he working now Ryan asked me

Buddy I said

He walked over to me

Buddy speak I said

Bark

Good boy I said

I was reading your bio about you your been in the foster care for fifteen years how is to be away from it? Ryan said

Agonizing painful right now. It hard because I've been safety nest people who understand my disorders or trigger they call them I said

Why did you land in the foster care system if you don't mind telling me? Ryan asked me

My dad was drug addict who married my mom who was also one. When they got pregnant with me she stopped the send she gave birth she smoked a blunt. My mom OD on my fourth birthday and died. My dad was caught selling drugs to minor.They gave my grandparents full custody of me and when they couldn't take care of me. They put me in the orphanage I said

Do you hold grudge on them? Ryan asked me

Nope they did it because they were old. I hold grudge to my parents I said

You like the movie so far Ryan said

I stood up

It false reputation of the foster care or not sunshine and fun place it hell I said

I begin to walk away

I think that awesome your so passionate I'll see you tomorrow Ryan said

I got into the camper

And Jessica said

He awesome and I'm lucky I said

I called the director and he wants to meet first thing tomorrow morning Jessica said

I told not tell him I said

He willing to work with you Jessica said

I'm exhausted I'm heading to bed I said

I laid in my bed Buddy snuggled into me because I have anxiety in bed too not when I have sex but in general