My famous dad

Rage

After my interviews since few days ago the media was okay with it

I've had nonstop work out days these past from days and Buddy haven't been that well recently

We took the vet expecting good news

We found lump on buddy leg it could nothing we want to a biopsy The vet said

I haven't been away from in years I said sitting on the floor

It'll take at least twenty four hours from the operation to observation The vet said

Okay I said handing the leash to her

We left the vet and I slowly went into anxiety crisis

The only thing I could is sit and wait. I sat underneath the stairs which shocking that where I chose to be normal that would be the worst

You can't sit here all day Ryan said

I will I said

Come on Ryan said

He pulled me out took to the gym

It was mind numbing thinking my mind was racing about what if Buddy dies and don't get to say goodbye

I sat on the bench and I couldn't do anything everything hurt to think about

Soon the phone ring

The vet ask to come in hasn't even been twenty four hours

It could be nothing Ryan said

Nothing really this is the dog that saved my life with him I will fall in an endless pain I said crying

We arrived at the vet and they took us back

I couldn't breathe

Sarah we did the biopsy and unfortunately Buddy does have cancer The vet said

My ear were ringing to block the bad news out

Your best course of action is putting him to sleep The vet said

What about surgery? I ask

He may not make it out The vet said

Okay I guess put him to sleep then I said

Is there another dog that could be your service dog? The vet said

No I said

I don't know what to say then The vet said

Fuck you I said

Hey Sarah Ryan said scolding me

Come on Buddy I said

I walked to the car

I'm sorry about her Ryan said

I got into the front and I screamed

What was that all about? Ryan said

I blasted the music I didn't care

Ryan turned it off

Why are you mad? Ryan said

The vet doesn't care I said

How old is Buddy? Ryan asked

13 I said

It time kiddo Ryan said

So when I have panic attacks are you come comfort me even if I'm in the shower I said

Yes Ryan said

You tell me that twice I said

We arrived home I went to my room and started destroying my room

Hey hey Ryan said

This can't be happening I cried

Ryan held me to his chest as I cried into his chest

It okay it gonna be alright Ryan said

It hurt I cried

I know but look at the bright side you can have new dog Ryan said

It not that easy I cried

We sat there for an hour

I got an idea Ryan said

Oh gosh when say I can't an idea it one mean one thing I said laughing

Let's go to the beach Ryan said

I'm fine I said

Ryan left the room and then I decided to run away

I pack and bag headed the front door

Where you going? Ryan said

On walk I said

With bag? Ryan questioning me

Fine I'm trying to run away from home I said shameful

I made stake for Buddy Ryan said

I watch as chomped it down

Here you stake Ryan said

Give to the dog I said depressed

You gotta eat something Ryan said

I'll just throw it up anyways I said

The vet called when need take buddy at 7am tomorrow Ryan said

I got on the floor and cried Buddy kisses me all over

Your the best dog a girl could ask for I cried

Let's watch movie Ryan said

Can buddy snuggle with me I asked

Sure Ryan said

We watched 101 Delenations

Buddy barked at the screen

I laughed really hard soon I was snuggled on body as we slept peacefully and I woke up

Buddy I said he didn't move

Buddy I called again

He gone Ryan said as the vet stood over me

What? I said grabbing the medicine

We euthanized him when you were asleep Ryan said patting on my back

No this can't be happening I cried

I dreamed about it at the beach during the sunrise I said

Ryan tried hugging me but I pushed him away. I tried running but he grabbed me as I cried harder

Shh Ryan said

His soothed heartbeat kept my mind afloat

It gonna be okay Ryan said

They removed Buddy from the house

The house was empty I was empty

I stayed up

It 1am you need some sleep Ryan said

Anxiety insomnia and No buddy I said

Ryan sat next me

Come here Ryan said

I rested my head on his shoulder as tears fell down my face

Soon I was asleep in my dads arms