The Spanish Spotlight (LSD, #4)

11. Vertigo

Vertigo

My Pep Guardiola-talk, to prepare Chelsea for the cats on the catwalk, was the key to the success of our Miss-mission. Now, my intuition tells me to trust the success formula and prepare Chelsea again for the upcoming scene with some well-chosen words. Intuition is usually not based on facts. Intuition cannot be trusted. Pep-talk is just talk. This time, it's «Show, Don't Tell». We need to act. Chelsea will act. She's going to play a key role in the ending scene of a blockbuster film. There's nothing to worry about. If everything goes wrong, we can always shoot the scene again. Nobody burns down two studios on the same day.

Chelsea is eager to find out about our upcoming adventure: "Where are we going now?"

"Can you handle criticism?"

"Are you from Boston? Why do you answer every question with another question?"

I take a deep breath. Patience. Count to ten. This is nothing personal. This is just business. I'm just playing a key role in the ending scene of a real-life save-the-world event. Everything I say or do makes a life-or-death difference for millions of innocent people who live in the line of fire of a political game between powerful leaders. There's nothing to worry about. If everything goes wrong, we can never shoot the same people again. We just take a new war, or a new world, and start again.

"I'm sorry. I should have explained it better. We're going to the studio of 21st Century Sox, where director Antonio Banderas and his crew are shooting the ending scene of their upcoming blockbuster film. You have a key role in that key scene, but... you have to learn to handle criticism."

Chelsea stops studying her imPhone, throws me a deadly look, steam coming out of her ears, and bites back: "Do you mean I can't handle criticism? What makes you think I can't? Of course, I can handle criticism. I handle criticism all the time. My father tells me I'm wrong, my teachers tell me I'm wrong, my friends tell me I'm wrong, and it's fine with me, you know, I can handle all that bullshit because... duh... they don't know me. They are wrong. I don't care what they say, as long as they like me on my Facebook account. I expected you'd have a higher opinion of me, Arse. You are my friend. You should treat me with respect, instead of criticising me and telling me what to do."

Intuition is a terrible adviser. I should have known better and kept my big mouth shut. Chelsea's opinion is not based on knowledge, experience, or skills, but she defends the dogma of her personality like it's the Holy Bible itself. Her Superior Being believes that all the others are wrong. Criticism won't make her change her mind. Criticism only makes her feel awful.

I can't change other people. I should learn from my mistakes instead of insisting on proving the impossible. Let Mister Banderas tell Chelsea she's a terrible actor, so Chelsea can argue with him instead of with me. My mission is not to teach her, or to educate her, or to make her a better person; my mission is to give her the best-day-ever. I was doing fine; she was in a good mood, but now, I criticised her, knowing she can't handle criticism, and I spoilt everything. But... if Chelsea and Mister Banderas start a fight, Chelsea will never have her best-day-ever, and my mission will flop too. This is a lose-lose situation. If I can't twist this into something positive right now, I'm shot, killed, and buried.

Compliments...

"I'm your friend. I'm not telling you what to do. You know I trust you, I admire you as a person, and I see you as a mentor. I'm the one who's learning here. You're the one who's teaching. I was just thinking ahead, preparing the scene you're going to play.

» You have a natural talent for acting. When you entered that dressing room, everybody thought you were Melissa McCarthy. But I hope you agree with me: you don't have thirty years of experience. In a moment, we'll meet Mister Banderas. He has over thirty years of experience, as an actor and as a director of films.