𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫, 𝐂.𝐋

𝘵𝘸𝘰

1st ツ

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my first day back wasn't so bad, but you'd think it was the way i rushed out of my last class, pushing past mostly everyone.

it was a comforting sight to see my dad's car out front already there for me, it was the car i'd always get picked up in and the fact that this hadn't changed like everything else did comforted me.

i returned to school on a friday, i was supposed to go monday, then tuesday, and so on until today - when my dad finally actually made me.

i'm glad he did. because after this first day back i got a two day break, where i'd do not really anything of course but that was alright, it was better than school.

dinner that night was the same, i liked that too. we sat at the table, and my mom was quiet while my dad and i held a conversation.

when my brother first passed i turned to my mom, and expected her to just magically pull it together and comfort me, at that time i believed that's what moms were obliged to do in that situation.

don't worry, i'm not like that anymore. i feel bad for my mom, she hasn't spoken many words since that day we found my brother, and i don't think she plans on doing so.

i watched her quietly today, though. she stuck her fork aggressively, yet slowly into the overcooked food on our plate, and i waited for any chance to initiate a conversation with her.

but i didn't. i glanced over at my dad then back to her to be greeted once again with her red eyes that stared down at the table as she ate, sighing every now and then.

"i hear tonight's the first football game back." my dad spoke up, and almost immediately my mom
stopped chewing, finally looking up as he spoke to me.

i did the same, only for a few seconds before i swallowed my food, nodding. "i think so."

"what do you say i let you take my car?" i sat up straight when my dad asked this, because i didn't expect him to even touch further on the subject.

his eyes glanced down to his food, then back to me as he offered a small smile and i gulped, setting my fork down and shifting in my seat.

"i think i'm okay."

"mm." he looked back down to his food, and i prayed for him to drop it but he didn't.

at the same time, i loved him for this. for trying to get me back in my normal routine of attending these with my friends, and cheering on my brother, but he wasn't there anymore.

"what about ollie's?" i'd always taken an interest in my brothers car, it was dark green and i always begged that my parents would let me drive it too.

nevertheless, i shook my head once again, and my dad shrugged. "i think it's healthy you go and try." he offered, setting his fork down like i did earlier.

i wondered why we turned the tv on at dinner if we weren't even going to pay any attention to it.

"you went for your brother, you still can." he said this as if he was lecturing me, but i knew he wasn't. my mom sharply inhaled quietly and her eyes widened a little as she looked over to me.

i could tell she wanted me there, and as much as i hated football games alone, and the thought of my first one without oliver, i took a deep breath and i sat up. "you can just drop me off. how about we leave in 20 minutes?"