Amnesia

Louis

International superstar and Grammy award winner Harry Styles has been in an accident. Our sources say he is in critical condition and the prognosis is not good. He has been taken to an undisclosed hospital in London.

"Louis?" I hear my name being called by several people but I am barely hearing it. My eyes are glued to the television where the reporter has just delivered news that hit me straight in the gut and heart.

I feel arms around me but I'm numb. I don't know who the arms belong to and they're trying to comfort me but I want them off me. So I push away and stand. I look around the room and all my family's eyes are on me. I run out the front door, fishing out my keys as I run. I get in my car and drive out of my driveway like I just stole the damn thing.

Where am I going? No clue. I just need time alone to think. Harry is always so cautious. He doesn't speed, he doesn't disobey traffic signs, if it says the limit is 45 Harry is going to drive 45. It's Halloween, maybe some idiot hit him, is the only thing I can think of.

"Harry!" I hear myself yell into the empty car as I speed down the highway. "He's gotta be ok," I try to calm myself. Not my Harry. My sweet Harry, who's not even my Harry but that doesn't matter. In some way he'll always be my Harry even when he isn't.

I end up at the hospital. I figure this is the undisclosed hospital. It's the only one I know that is discreet enough for any of us to go to. I'm sitting in the car park but I can't bring myself to go in. I can't go in because I'm certain he doesn't want to see me. But damnit if my urge to go in isn't the strongest thing I've ever felt.

I just need to know he's ok. That's all I want.

I dig my phone from my pocket and dial his mum.

"What do you want?" The female's voice comes on the phone, only it's not Anne.

"Gemma?" I ask and realize I'm crying like a lunatic and can barely finish.  "Please don't hang up. Is he... is he gonna be ok? Please just tell me that. Please."

"We don't know, Louis," she says my name louder than necessary so I know she was alerting someone else that I'm the one on the phone. "He's critical and they've had to sedate him heavily."

"Thank... thank you, love," I choke out. "Look, I know you don't want to keep me updated but if anything changes..." she disconnects before I can finish.

I hold the phone and sob.

Gemma isn't a mean person by nature but she's angry with me and she has been for quite some time. I get it. I understand her anger at me. But I'm thankful she's told me as much as she did and didn't just hang up on me immediately. I would have deserved that. Our last conversation had been her yelling at me in person while she pointed her finger in my chest. I deserved that also.

Is this karma? Is what I've done coming back to haunt me through Harry? Innocent and loving Harry.

My phone rings in my hand and I look down to see it's my sister calling again. I reject the call so she'll know I'm seeing her call I just don't want to talk right now.

You rejected my call. Thank you. Lottie sends right after the call was rejected.

Give me time. I text back. I'm fine.

Love you Lou. Lottie

Love you. Me

I sit outside the hospital until it's dark outside. I don't move, I don't open my phone again even though it's going off in my hand relentlessly. I just sit and cry knowing Harry is inside the hospital injured and I can't do anything to help him. I can't even go in.