Amnesia

Louis

"Get in cheater," Zayn chuckles when I open the car door.

"Fuck off," I tell him as I sit and buckle in.

"You're the worst boyfriend ever. We've been dating a week and you've already cheated on me," Zayn continues to tease me.

"He thinks you should have cared more that he kissed me." My attitude doesn't match his playful one.

"I didn't play that well did I?" Zayn asks. "I'm not much of an actor Louis," he stops and sees me staring at him. "I mean did you want me to punch him? I can't do that and you know it."

"I didn't, no," I tell him. "But maybe he wanted you to fight for me and you didn't. I think it really bothered him."

"This is why I date women Louis," Zayn says. "They say women are complicated but fuck if what you and Harry have isn't terribly complicated. And it's gonna continue to get complicated if you don't fess up."

"It never was in the past though," I say turning away and staring out the window. "And I know. If he doesn't get his memory soon I will have to tell him everything and fuck if that doesn't scare me shitless."

Harry and I have always made sense. It's never been complicated. Until recently. Until back in February when it all got complicated. That was when he got a girlfriend.

My bracelet goes off constantly but I don't push the button. Harry again grows impatient and calls. I do kind of expect it, Harry wasn't a patient boy and he's certainly not a patient man.

"Hey," I say into the phone.

"You're bracelet," he says. "Is it broken?"

"No," I say. "I'm sorry. I'm just confused right now."

"About me?" He asks. "I'm sorry if I confused you by kissing you. I hope you and Zayn are fine."

"I'm just so lost right now Harry," I tell him. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I have all these feelings. Zayn and I are fine."

"Can you come see me?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea," I tell him. "I mean... I, fuck Harry. It's hard being with you. I miss you so much even when I'm with you."

It's the truth. When we're in the same room I want him to be the Harry he once was. This new Harry is confusing. He's open and honest. He's also blank and confused.

"Oh," he says. "Tell me one good thing from our past."

I think for a moment and decide to explain the ski trip photo. "We went to France skiing. You and I had just started dating officially even though it was a secret. We went on that holiday with a couple of my mates. We spent the days skiing and having a great time. You and I had a great time. We could be us and we didn't have to hide. That holiday was the first time we slept together. It's always been your favorite memory. That's why you have the photo of us on your dresser. It was also the first time I told you I love you. So, it's my favorite memory too."

"Thank you," he says softly then goes silent.

"Still there love?" I ask.

"How long before we started toward the end?" He asks.

"Many years after that photo. Just in the last two years is when we began to fall apart," I tell him. "We fought a lot Harry. More than any couple should be allowed to. When you said 'fuck you Lou' it came out easily because you said that to me a lot."

"I'm sorry."

"I said it to you too," I tell him. "We never meant it until we did. We used to say goodbye by saying always you. At the end it was fuck you. So when I say you and me didn't part on good terms I'm being truthful. We didn't. We love each other very much Harry, of that I have no doubt. But we don't..." I pause. "Necessarily like each other."