Didn't See That Coming | The Walking Dead(1)

Part 97 (A Grief Like No Other)

Grief is a crushing emotion CJ had felt consume her many times in her life, both before and after the world she knew ended before her very eyes. Her brother was taken by this new existence before he really got the chance to see it for what it was. Since then, she had lost acquaintances, friends, family. More people than she would ever imagine even knowing in her old life, never mind loving.

But none of those losses, no matter how dramatic or peaceful, were anything compared to the numb feeling in her heart on this morning.

Back in the days when she worked with young children who would run to their mother's arms at the end of the day with smiles on their faces as they were embraced by love, CJ would often watch them with a sad smile.

She was constantly surrounded by reminders that Clara-Jane Jefferson would never be a mother. She would never be able to grow her own child and give birth. She would never be able to build a home filled with her own little family and bake cakes on Saturdays or have Sunday family dinners every week. She would never have any of that. But that didn't mean she wasn't a mother.

It was a grief like no other. The best was to describe it was like she was drowning in the sea. The water was cold and made her shiver. She was surrounded by darkness and silence, the uneasy feeling growing in the pit of her stomach as she was powerless to fight back. Not that she wanted to. She had never let grief consume her to the point she was ready to join those she'd lost, until right now.

Yet, she couldn't do that. As much as she wanted to, the end of her life would mean she was going against her child's wishes. He saw her as someone who helped everyone. As someone who could survive on her own. Even though all she wanted to do was pull the gun out of her holster and blow a hole through her brain, she would honour her son by continuing on.

So, that's what she was doing now.

The sun had risen, and the group had made it a couple miles away from Alexandria. The Saviors were crawling all over the area trying to find them, so they had to make a lot of stops to hide. Dwight was still with them, and nobody was really bothered about him apart from Tara, who had been glaring at the former Savior the whole time.

Daryl was taking charge of the journey, and he kept looking over his shoulder to make sure that CJ was still following the group. He was worried about her, knowing all she wanted to do was stop, but he wouldn't let that happen. He couldn't bring her back right away, but he would watch over her, be there for her in any way he could be, whilst also trying to protect everyone else. It was a stressful journey, especially with his own mind drifting with the shock of what happened to Carl. But the people around him were the priority. The woman he loved was his priority, and he would keep them all safe no matter what.

After hearing the Savior scouts drive away from the bridge, the group emerged from the large bush they were hiding in as they discussed their next move.

Daryl went first, checking the area before signalling for the rest to come out. "Best to stay off the roads," he said quietly. "Head into the woods right there. C'mon."

Tobin held Judith in his arms and the rest of the group following him through the treeline to the path in the woods. CJ walked near the front of the group, and Daryl tried to catch her eye as she walked past him, but she said nothing.

Rosita hung back with Daryl before the two of them followed the rest through the woods. Daryl could see the way CJ was walking, like she was exhausted. Like she was barely keeping herself standing. His eyes were locked on the back of her head as he walked, having no clue how to help her.

A walker suddenly emerged from the shrubbery beside Tara and growled as it lunged at her. Everyone stopped walking to keep an eye out for others.

"I got it," Tara called out as she grabbed its shoulders.