𝐢𝐟 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐦, sodapop curtis

11 | almost dead

I DIDN'T SEE LAKE FOR awhile after that, but i know he didn't get expelled or suspended from school. has he finally lost it? has he gone mad?

i'm already three steps ahead of you, buddy. what did he mean by that? thinking up all the possibilities made my brain ache.

when i stepped into math later in the afternoon, lake wasn't there and neither was sodapop. i sighed sadly, wishing soda could've been there to sit next to me. i think i'm going to drop out. why did i say then who am i going to go to prom with? now he's not coming back and i could've went to prom with him either way.

i rest my head against my desk, already waiting patiently for the bell to ring. one more class, i can do it.

turns out, i cannot. i'm running down the sidewalk, down the road and down the grassy hill until i'm at sodapop's front door. i hurry inside and don't bother saying anything to keith, who claims he wants to be called two bit. i learned a few of his other friend's names, steve, who is his best buddy ever. and dally, the criminal.

soda's door is wide open, but so is the window. soda isn't anywhere in sight but ponyboy is. i hurry out the window and sit next to ponyboy on the roof. the roof is chalky and rough, but ponyboy is crying.

his cheeks are stained with tears and his brows are knitted together. i want to ask what's wrong, but i feel i already know.

"i don't know..." ponyboy chokes on a sob, "he just got up and left."

i knew it was going to happen, and it's all my fault.

"he didn't say anything to us, he just walked out and we let him." pony says, "we thought he'd be back soon."

soda could be dead, it's my fault.

"let it all out." i rub ponyboy's shoulder, not letting myself break down in front of him. the tears never come.

pony buries his face in my shoulder, his breathing is heavy and his chest is heaving. i've never seen a boy cry so much, it's almost relieving, but it hurts.

ponyboy doesn't deserve this, his brother left because of me, i just know it.

"i will find him." i say, this makes ponyboy perk up.

"you will?" ponyboy asks me, he rubs at his eyes.

"of course." i reply to him.

"i don't want to lose him like we did mom and dad." ponyboy sniffles.

i'm silent for a moment, wishing i could do something to change these boys'lives. no one deserves this kind of pain, no one deserves to know how it feels to be disconnected from humanity, how it feels to lose someone they care more about than they care about the world.

"you won't." i say, ruffling his hair, "and i'll make sure of it."

and i'd bring that promise to the grave if i had to.

...

it's seven at night, but i'm shouting soda's name everywhere i go. i promised ponyboy i would find him, i basically promised everyone else in that house as well. they need each other, and soda needs them.

it's not long before strong hands grab me by my waist. i scream but then i realize who it is.

"soda..." i sigh in relief.

"this isn't soda." a light voice responds, i turn quickly and see soda standing right next to someone with their hands on my shoulders.

"soda..." i gasp in fear, what is he doing? what's going on? "what's going on?"