Anshi: The Lost Eagle of the Steppes

Afterflood

There were no guards around. Han had dismissed them all from hearing range after he knew they would be talking. He burst through the door and saw the man lying in a heap on the floor and he ran to him.

"High Minister, are you all right?" He reached out and grasped the shoulders and the man fought him, struggling to escape. Anshi saw tears flowing, steaking his face, no longer dour or cold, but wracked with pain and sorrow,

"Go away," he muttered. "Go away."

"No. You are not well. I saw you fall."

"Nothing you can do. Leave me with some dignity tonight. Just go away. Or is this what you need? Will this begin to make it up to you? Do you need more?"

"I...I...just need to understand why? It makes no sense to me. Why go to all these lengths to save a pathetic orphan like me? You should have saved yourself a lot of trouble and let me die in the beginning."

Exhausted, worn out, and unable to bear any more, Han looked into those green eyes and whispered,

"I will tell you if you just leave me alone."

Anshi nodded in agreement.

"I loved you. I began to love you as a child myself. I continued to love you as we grew up. I loved you as they ripped you from me. I loved you when you returned for your revenge. I love you now. I have loved you all this time and could not show you. How? And see your disgust and revulsion? I, a eunuch, and a sub-human, in love with someone so perfect and untouchable?

So please, go. Go and give me a night to recover. You can interrogate me tomorrow if you like. But please, leave in peace tonight, and let me find some for myself if I can."

He walked into his study and Anshi heard a lock fall into place and there was nothing but silence around him. The Chieftain walked back to his suite and sleep did not come that night.

All that time, he had been loved. All that while, thinking he had been alone, yet a silent companion had been hidden in the shadows of his fear and pain. He had been unable to see a fellow human, suffering in the same hell as himself. He felt sick. He felt, what? A sudden burst of compassion? Shame?

Towards dawn, he washed and donned simpler clothes. He sent a message back to Ge Ban and reassured them that he was safe and would visit the caravan in several days. And he returned quietly to the Minister's quarters. The door was still unlocked to the main room, and it was eerily silent.

He recognized the atmosphere of a broken heart when he felt it.

He sat on the floor next to the locked study door. And he began to hum, voice pitched for the ears of the man on the other side. He heard a soft weeping begin and he pressed on.

His was a voice that offered peace between them; offered the beginnings of understanding. It held the promise of a new start at getting to know one another. It asked for forgiveness and a chance to become friends. A chance to defeat the Old King and the Crown Prince's ugly imprint and a chance to begin to discover the truth together. It offered the path to finding brotherhood.

It stroked a similar haggard soul.

Anshi held his breath as he heard a click and the door slowly opened to reveal a disheveled and drawn Han standing there, eyes swollen and cautious. The man stood as if on shaky ground, hesitant and afraid. Anshi waited. He had seen horses like this, finally broken and terrified, seeking a new sense of stability. Had he done that to this invincible man? He suddenly felt a pang of guilt and he reached out a hand. He waited and Han finally took it, allowing Anshi to pull him down to sit beside him.

"I should not have pushed you. I should have waited until you could share your feelings under less pressure. I was cruel, and I am sorry."

"You are not disgusted?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"At an unexpected confession? No. Why should I be? I do not understand my own feelings about love but I do know that it is something that should be valued whenever it comes your way. I don't know how I feel. I only know that I now understand you better and I want to accept your friendship at this point. Is that enough for you?"

Han nodded. "Yes. It is more than I deserve."

"No. You deserve more than I can give. I am at such an unexpected crux at this moment, Han. All I thought I knew lies at my feet in shambles and I have to use that rubble and rebuild my past. Do you understand what I am trying to say?"

Han nodded and gave a huge sigh of relief. They sat together in a strange companionship, surreal and hard to believe. Eventually, Han's head began to droop and it fell to the side as exhaustion overwhelmed him. It fell to Anshi's shoulder and the younger man let him sleep. He eventually nodded off as well, feeling strangely safe and at peace.

When the sun reached midmorning, they both woke, still sitting in front of the study door, hands still interlocked. Two grown men, yet two small, damaged boys hidden within, trying to heal.

The first to wake was Han, who remained very still, afraid to break this moment. He wanted it to last before the emerald, green eyes opened and blazed again with righteous anger. Or worse; loathing. He looked closely at the handsome profile. Here was his ideal. His hidden love and every second of this unexpected and perhaps only time they would be this close, needed to be seared in his memory. Then, after Anshi and the Caravan returned to the Spice Road, he could try and move on, back to his dry existance and intolerable loneliness.

A sudden knock interrupted him and woke Anshi. Han let the warm hand slide away and he held fingers to his lips. "Yes?"

"High Minister? Her Majesty is inquiring if you and Chieftain Anshi need more time refining the treaty details she pointed out to you last evening. She said you may have until tomorrow evening. She will send food and will have the Chieftain's servant bring fresh clothing for him. You are both to stay quartered until you are sure peace is attained."

Anshi answered this time. "Tell her Majesty that we are already making progress. Her...input has been most invaluable. The negotiations have been surprisingly peaceful. Thank you." He took the Minister's hand again.

"We have much to talk about."