𝔅𝔞𝔟𝔶, 𝔬𝔫𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔢 𝔱𝔦𝔪𝔢 || 𝔨. 𝔥𝔞𝔪𝔪𝔢𝔱𝔱

.24.

I had stopped thinking about how long we had actually been on the road. It was a constant back and forth and admittedly it was sometimes exhausting with these idiots. Still, I was grateful for the time I was able to spend with them. It was fun to watch them play or disagree on who gets to sit where and when.

I've never had such a good time.

In the last few days I have thought a lot about my feelings. I didn't want to complicate anything between us, but I just wanted more at some point. I don't know how to tell him either. Which was the only reason I've left it until now.

James still didn't know anything. But he wasn't the only one, because Lars certainly didn't know. If he knew, I was sure Kirk would find out that same day. And I want to spare myself more than just this drama.

We were back on the bus, on our way to our next stop. Or rather their next stop, I was just here to cheer. Los Angeles. I was kinda looking forward to it as I've always wanted to go there. Mom had always been against a vacation, and Dad never got his way.  Even Noah, who was known to be the sweetheart, couldn't convince Mom.

Maybe I can take my mind off that for a bit. Not that it was Kirk, my feelings were just confusing me. I mean it was never meant to be anything serious and we probably never would have seen each other again if I didn't know James but now? Now everything has become even more complicated. I just have no idea how to deal with it.

"Guys! Please listen now.", Bob interrupted any of our conversations or thoughts.

We looked at him.
I don't know why, but somehow I had a bad feeling, like he was about to announce something bad. But he looked relatively relaxed. Or I was just worrying way too much again. It wouldn't be the first time. And with this bunch of daredevils, there's always something to worry about.

"I just wanted to let you all know that the room layout in Los Angeles will be different. Olivia gets her own room and you share one. The extra room was kind of a gift from the hotel and since she's a woman... you know.", he said looking at me.

I was a bit embarrassed, but what can I do about it if I get my period now? I just nodded my thanks to the manager and then went back to my book. I didn't want to look at all the puzzled faces of the boys. They probably didn't understand what he meant.

"So you're bleeding again? Kirk, you'll have to wait a week with your plans. It's a shame, considering you've done it before without protection.", James said as if it was the most normal topic in the world.

Actually it was, but I felt uncomfortable talking to guys about it. I always talked to Stacy about it. She didn't live far away and when I got my first period I was at her house. I was 15 at the time and a real latecomer considering most people got theirs when they were 12 or 13.

I simply faded out the last sentences that James had said. Not because I was embarrassed, but because I didn't want to know. I don't care what kind of plans he had. Or?

"What do you mean by 'it's a shame'?", Kirk asked James with an uncertain look.

"By that I mean that I want to be a godfather before I'm 30. So hurry up.", Said the blond haired and grinned at me and Kirk.

I dropped the book, I was so shocked by this comment. Children? He wants to be godfather? I'm selling my soul voluntarily. And even if it were, it would most likely be Cliff, since he's the most reasonable.

Lars, Cliff, James and even Bob couldn't help but laugh at my and Kirk's look. It must have looked cunning, yes, but we weren't even together. So wasn't it too early to talk about children?

I picked up my book again and placed the bookmark between the pages. Then I looked at James with the most serious look I could muster at the moment. I ignored the abdominal pain. I should have taken a pill. But that wasn't the point.

"Let's get this straight, blondie. I'd rather sell my soul than make you a godfather. If I ever have children. And even if it was, it would be Cliff. Apart from that, Kirk and I are not together so therefore no mini versions of me or him.", I said to him.

"Not yet."

"Exactly, not-", I interrupted myself.

Did Kirk seriously say "not yet" to everyone? I felt my face getting hotter and I knew I was blushing really hard. I hated my period. I used to get so emotional.

"Every blind person sees the sparks between you. From there you can get as far apart as you want. It doesn't change anything. You love-"

"I dare you finish that sentence, danish bitch. I dare you.", I interrupted Lars and gave him one of my death looks.

Not another word left his mouth. Better for him. I wasn't angry with him, I just didn't want to hear it from Lars. From the day we met in the studio there was a certain tension between us. A tension that I could not describe. And I was sure that he felt them just as clearly as I did.

I wanted to hear it from Kirk and no one else.

Another hour in which I read and finished my book has passed. Except for Kirk, me and the driver, everyone was sleeping peacefully. Although Lars' elbow didn't look very comfortable in James' face. They were just chaotic. As far as I could tell, Kirk had grabbed my walkman and was listening to music. The constant movement of his right hand made me think he was writing something. Since I didn't want to disturb him, I closed my eyes as well. A little sleep can't hurt before I'm confronted with the band's bullshit again.

Like I said, they're messy. But the biggest cuddlers in the world. It was cute to see Cliff clinging to his blue pillow. So cute that I snapped a picture while we were on our way to Dallas, Texas.

Metallica were cuddlers.
At that thought, I couldn't help but smile.