Forever Loved

Chapter 11: Reassurance

Bad things always seem to happen whenever something positive in life occurs. For you, it was almost unbelievably crazy.
The first thing topping the list, obviously, was the fact that you were having to come to terms with being an actual vessel. You knew it hadn't just gone away all hunky-dory as an out of sight out of mind thing, but you were hoping it had. You had been avoiding bringing it up because of your worry for Loki's recovery. He had literally done a taboo spell to keep you alive, that wasn't something anyone just did. However, whenever your mood changes, so do things around you.
Lights flickered or shut off completely if you were in a bad mood, but stayed normal if you were calm. Thankfully you hadn't gone the path of levitating things when you were 'in the mood' with your soon to be husband, but it was still a lot to take in. The only theoretical explanation you and Loki both agreed on was because of his own high level of full on sorcery. The shape shifting, telekinesis, mind control, and everything else in-between. He was very, very strong with magic. So of course, Shield ended up tagging you as a stronger threat now that this was manifesting due to the highly possible link from Loki.

The second thing was the attention you were beginning to receive. Hate mail from people who loved the Avengers, and love letters from would be occultism that were starting to name you things like 'The Grim Reaper', 'Goddess of Despair', and 'Dream Weaver'. You didn't know how to take it, but you remember hearing someone joke about Loki becoming the model citizen because you were a monster now. It hurt, but you just wanted to be left alone.

The third thing, was Loki himself. You couldn't have him taking on this burden, your burden. He was as stubborn as you, if not more when it came down to who should be protecting who. And feeling the pressure of your marriage building, you began to second guess again on how he'd be happy with you.
"Loki, I want you to teach me self defense." "No, Y/N." "But why not? I'd be a lot better help if you showed me how to take care of myself in a fight." "You don't need to, because I'll be the one protecting you." ".. okay, but... But what if you have to fight me, instead?" "Then I strongly say no to teaching you this time. And, if it came to it, I'd rather leave you than have you be hurt, or worse, by my own hands."

You huffed with annoyance into your pillow, feeling more like a child that had been scolded. Loki meant well, always for you, but you needed to show him you were reliable too. Glancing down at your hands, you ponder quietly. If he wasn't going to teach you, then surely you could do it yourself. You wanted to prove to him that as his future wife, you could have self control and know how to hold your own. Fight over flight if need be.
You sit up on your knees in bed, and close your eyes. What were you going to think about? Something to make you sad, or angry? Loki always had his hands doing something when he used his powers, so..

Twitching your fingers, you think of people who annoyed you. There was Stark because of his mouth, and Thor whenever he barged in unexpectedly. Or maybe those people from work? Especially Patty, you highly disliked her. You should have told her off before you were put on leave. To take her sassy ass attitude with that know it all demeanor of hers and get the hell out of your face.
Your hands felt prickly at that moment, and you opened your eyes to see wisps of black thick smoke pooling in your palms. "Ah..." You had expected a more wispy cloud like in the movies, but this proved you had gained magic abilities. You watched the smoke fade away slowly, but your hands felt gritty when you rubbed the center of your palms.

Feeling as though you should be doing this out of sight, you glanced towards your door. Loki was probably talking with Thor downstairs. You had forgotten he was over, talking about something along the lines of breaking up with a woman named Jane and just needing to hang out with his brother, so that meant Loki was distracted.
Carefully sliding out of bed, you tip toe into the bathroom and close the door gently, locking it. Turning the faucet on, you look at yourself in the mirror. "You can do this, Y/N. Trust yourself, and feel it." You whisper confidently, holding your palms upright and wiggling your fingers again before closing your eyes once more. Random people pushing you around, bullies from school, animal abusers, anything that would upset you.
The prickly feeling came back, a bit stronger than last time the more you upset yourself, until you began feeling lightheaded. Opening your eyes again, you looked around in shock at how large the pools of smoky liquid now were. In fact, they were overflowing off of your hands. "Ah, shit..!" You shook your hands wildly over the sink, hoping that it would disappear before Loki noticed.
Then you felt it hit you. A wave of nausea, just like from the nightmares. It was overwhelming for a few moments, and took its time fading away. You held your stomach and closed your eyes, breathing slowly until you felt better. You looked back at your hands, running them under the water until you couldn't feel the grittiness anymore. You could do this, but at the back of your mind you wanted Loki to support you
As you dried your hands off, you left the bathroom, and ran straight into Loki. A squeak escaped your lips. "O-Oh, I.. I'm done in the bathroom if you need it.." "Hmm.. what was it that you were up to, my dear?" Damn it, of course he was already onto you, but as long as you didn't think about it, you were safe, right? "I'm well... I was just.. thinking that.." You bit your lip as his eyes were staring into your own, his lips slightly parted. "That... We.. I.. need self control.. for.. for sex." "Self control, for sex?" "... Yes...." You had to keep it up now, you couldn't go back on it and risk him knowing the real reason why. Amusement danced through his eyes as he looked you up and down, teasing you with that look. "My succulent love, you can't possibly be serious." You look away from him. "I... I am.. I.. I can't have every touch from you turning me into a mess. And I'm not going t-to.. go down that easy.." "Is that so?" You look as he begins to approach you, closing the gap almost instantly in one step. "I never knew that with just the smallest brushing of my hands against your skin.." You shiver as he does what he talks about, as goosebumps appear wherever his hands go. "Could drive you mad in an instant. Or maybe it isn't just my touch that does this to you.." He leans his face down, whispering in your ear as his lips just barely brush against it. "I can see clearly that with just my voice barely audible to you, your body trembles with anticipation. There could be so much more I could do to you, just to make you crumple like the softest material in my without ever needing to touch you. It could simply be something you've grown used to me doing, or something unexpected."
You swallow nervously as he takes on your bluff with a much higher push back, a loud gasp escaping your lips as he is suddenly lifting you up by your bottom. "H-Hey, wait, this isnt-!" Fair. What you meant, whatever the case.
Finding yourself seated atop the bathroom counter by Loki, and having his hips pressed into yours made your body hot. "Y-you're not going to w-win this, you know." You could feel one of his hands on the center of your back, his other hand gliding softly up and down your thigh at a slow pace. "My dear, I can win every game against you, when you so confidently test me, and watch as you then fall over every single word coming out of this disobedient little mouth." A whimper echoes through your throat as you feel his hands tickle the lining of your panties, and you grip the edge of the counter. "L-Loki, y-you know we both have sex way too much, s..  S-So we sh.. should be c-careful.. A-And, plus, Thor is-" You're cut off as Loki kisses you ever so sweetly, mumbling about having sent his brother off to Stark as the kisses intensify, and hear him unbuckle his pants before his hands move to wrap your legs around his waist. You start pressing up against him, but hesitantly you give way to pull yourself together and stop him from continuing as you squeeze his arms.
He broke the kiss gently, caressing your bottom lip softly with his thumb as he looked into your eyes. "Why are you so bent on lying to me, my sweet? What am I doing wrong?" He asks quietly, and you avert your eyes to his chest as you struggle to say. But eventually, you decide to tell him. "Because I.. I can't lose you. I don't want to be the reason that something bad happens to you. How can I even consider marrying you if I'm the one causing you turmoil?"
You see shadows dancing along the corners of your eyes as the lights flicker, and you exhale slowly to calm yourself. "We always end back at this conversation, in the same way. I.. I know I'm not good enough, Loki, but please.. Please don't get yourself killed because of me. Please don't get hurt because I couldn't fight for myself.. Not.. not again.."
Loki pulled you into his embrace, hugging you close to himself gently and holding you tightly, his lips pressing against the top of your head before he let out an exasperated sigh. "Y/N.. I had to lose you, too many times already. I see you being so strong for me, caring for my needs but still never your own. You care so much, as you always have, but I just want you to rest and let me hold the torch for you. You cry at night in your sleep, afraid of becoming the same monster that had been terrorizing you because you fear that you'll hurt me, and you lose so much rest that you don't eat for days. And yet, you still smile for me. You tell me how much you love me, you find comfort in breaking your back for me. And I need you to stop. It angers me, so much that you think I've taken you for granted. I'm not like those ignorant fools you've had to deal with your entire life. I am your husband, not your master. I will destroy this wretched planet, if it means that you finally stop seeing yourself as a damned tool and see yourself as the woman I love."

You lift your head to look at him, choking back the tears you had developed as you heard Loki's words. They hit you, and stung with the sincerest worry he had for you. You end up looking back down as your chest trembles with a sob wanting to escape. "Y... You'll have to... To show me how to relax, then. The way y-your wife should." Rubbing your back gently, Loki held you until you calmed down to just small sniffles, and cleaned your face softly with a wash cloth. You clasp both of your hands around his gently, rubbing your thumb against the engagement ring. "Am I... Am I really doing too much for others?" "Yes, Y/N. This time, I'm going to take care of your stress and help you recover, the way a long cares for his queen. Starting with your most obvious tension."

You found yourself resting a while later, curled up on the couch with your head in Loki's lap as you both were in the den. He had given you much needed intimacy, letting you play with his fingers while you both listened to the radio offhandedly. Loki had given you a massage, and pampered you with the rest that you needed. You sighed in content, kissing his hand softly. "So, about that self control training, Y/N..." You hear him mumble, and you look up to him. "Yes?" "Was there any real reason behind it, or were you trying to distract me?" You hummed shyly. "W-well, we do have a lot of sex, and I don't want to lose to you if I need to restrain my urges during something important.." He chuckled softly, moving his hand to your hip and rubbing slowly. "That isn't a strong enough reason for me.. And you look rather ravishing right now. I'll have to make sure you're wearing the best Asgardian lingerie on our special night." You blink, chuckling shyly and sit up before you went to get off of the couch. "L-Loki, your pent up sex drive is definitely something. B-but I was serious. If we keep going-" You squeak with surprise as Loki grabs your hips, and pulls you onto his lap. "Don't worry, my darling. I simply want to cuddle with you tonight."
You relax as he holds you, and with a snap of his fingers the fireplace lights up. Gently, he places kisses on your neck as you rest against him, his hands squeezing your hips. "I love you, Y/N." You turn red and smile softly as he whispers sweetly to you, his hands moving back up to find yours and entwine your fingers together. "I love you too, Loki."