Heathen Chronicles - Changed

Chapter 12 - Emails and Nightmares

Raven's POV

This level of training had been intense!

So intense that most of us—actually, all of us—struggled to even walk back to our beds. Each of us had to sit on the floor or, if we were lucky enough to make it that far, collapse onto our cots to recover from the day's heat and pain-filled training. My body ached in places I never knew could ache. One by one, after a five-minute recovery period, we sent our emails. Some were long, others were short, but all were being sent before the deadline.

Kyle sent two: one very short email to Lu's friends and one very long one to his own. Afterward, he turned and limped to his bed, bumping mine as he passed. I would have said something since he didn't apologize, but at that moment, I was too sore and exhausted to care. I knew he was feeling the same pain we all were.

It was my turn. I sluggishly approached the laptop and sat staring at the blank screen, unsure of what to say or where to begin. Instead, I just started normally, filling my friends in on the past day's events. I had to take breaks to soothe my aching limbs, but I managed to get it done. I read through it to make sure nothing was left out.

Hey guys. I'm sorry for not emailing sooner, but we aren't allowed our phones and have now lost the privilege to send emails for a while. I know; it's complicated and it sucks ass! Will fill you in as soon as I can. Anyways, I'm doing fine and getting the hang of it.

We spend all our energy on the exercises, which was running, jogging, lunges—basically a whole lot of leg exercises. But this time they were brutal! Seriously, how do people do this for fun?! The only reason it was so brutal was because of these stupid people, Dylann and Irina. Guess what they were caught doing at night... Yep, now we are all punished as a team. Great, right!?

This afternoon was arms and chest and that was way more brutal than anyone expected! Especially me! They increased our levels a shitload more after Lu couldn't keep her mouth shut this morning. She was right, but she still should have stayed quiet. Basically, I'm screwed if these people don't learn to behave. Yay for me!

The Captain is VERY creepy! He watched me take a swim—I didn't even know he was there—and then commented on my underwear. (We aren't allowed swimwear, just uniforms.) He also said I should be careful because the soldiers hadn't had any "prey" for a while and wouldn't hesitate to take what they needed. Like, what the actual fuck? He used the word prey. It's insane, right? He also told me I look good in black and that he wouldn't give me the chance to change it even if I wanted to!!!

And KYLE! Oh, my God! He insists on standing next to me 24/7 and gives me these odd stares. When we confronted the others, he made sure I couldn't move away. I am legit scared right now. They all think I am shy and quiet, but they don't know how I can be if pushed. Yesterday I told them all off! The looks on their faces were the best. You would have been so proud of me.

Anyhoo, I miss you all very much. I need your advice and can't wait to hear your voices again. Hope to see you soon. Love, Raven. P.S. Don't reply!!! We aren't allowed to read them. Save the reply for when I get the chance. Fill me in on everything. Damn FOMO. LOL! MWAH!

There was one thing I left out purposefully: the reason why I had been acting the way I was before I left. I couldn't tell them yet, certainly not over email. That would bring forth a different kind of chaos.

I hesitated at first, not sure why, but I didn't really want to send it. I shook that thought away before I finally pressed ENTER. I moved back with a lot of effort and limped slowly back to my cot. Pain flooded my head and every limb on my body.

The next week was going to be extremely difficult, but I would get through it. Going back was not an option; there were too many painful memories that threatened to pull me down the "Rabbit Hole." I knew I should have spoken to my friends about what happened during my holidays. I knew I should have said something about the ra—incident.

No! I couldn't.

So, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but instead... I dreamed.

Sweat rolled down my forehead, cementing me to my bed. I tossed and turned, but the nightmares refused to go away. They followed me everywhere, clinging to my every move. I hated them!

I could hear them now! I heard the screams—the voices. I felt all that pain again. Tears rolled down my face, entrapping me in the arms of nightmares trying to force me back. I was terrified of what I saw, what I remembered, what I felt...

I ran. Ran in and out of my room, frantic. What should I do? Where is my phone? Why wasn't he here to protect me?! If I had my phone, I could call my friends. They would help me. I knew they would, but I couldn't FIND it.

It flew away. Why didn't it take me with it? Why didn't HE take me with him? Why didn't he STAY? I was alone now. No one wanted to help me. Why had I stayed? Why hadn't I left? Why must I be the one to explain!? Why didn't he understand? Why did he blame me? Was it my fault? Was I to blame?

Maybe I was. I could have done something... but what? WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE? WHY?

All those memories and feelings came rushing back, flooding my mind. I was falling—no, I was drowning. It WAS my fault! It had found me!

"MINE!" it called to me.

My eyes flew open.

The sun had risen earlier than it should have. It was a new day. I wasn't the only one waking up. Everyone moved into a painful sitting position and stared—not at me, but at the "Shit-Hand" who waited patiently for us to get up.

She stared at us like she was hunting and this was her game.

"Round three, losers. Let's go!"

Fuck!!! Here we go again...