Bullshit

Seat stealer

Lora haas been coming to the cafe and like nothin bout the lussy or anything like I don't hate my job she just makes it like so much better oh my god is that an 18+ sundrop fanfiction wait

oAUUgh okay back anyways as i was saying she really do be new here and shes in like NONE of my classes :( merrr. But ill just try to find her at high tea (brit slang for lunch you wouldn't understand,) I think Squidward, Joe mmmammmmmmmm mmm mmmmmm mmmaaa, neptune, and yenndo (That's Nathan's nickname, why is unknown because that's not even like a silly anagram for Nathan. Though it does make for a funny joke like haha what do you call that one dude Bernie and I'm like yenndo and then the other person is like yenndeez nuts and then I do not want to continue on this grassy threshold) 

Anyways I really hope I get to see her, I'd like to show off my palpable girlie with a mean jean set of surly parents rizz.

Lora has weezer blue hair. Not really I just wanted to make that joke but she does have blue hair. When I went to find her she stuck out like my enormous eyeballs in a field of tiny peepers. The blessings of being partially related to princess Anna. I found her because she wasn't really doing anything honestly and invited her over to my table. That was of course after we scrimmaged for even a line of this crack covered, purely vitamin, Child Nutrition Reauthorization, block of mac and cheese. 

"HAAIIIIIII" Fredward said holding his arms out and stomping towards me like one of them tall dudes from aot.

"NO NO NOOOOOO NOO NOOOO" I screamed and tried to run away like a cat when they see whotah (british slang for water, you wouldn't get it) but i was tew slow and he wrapped his arms tightly around me. So tight I believe I heard a crunch

"Who is that" Marley said as blank and non judgemental as possible, still managing to make Lora 👉👈 and hide behind me sh shh shhhyly even though she is taller than me. Man up pussy. I like to imagine you could tell Marley that you just planted a stained glass managerie of movies that disney made and wont admit in an elementary school boiler room and they'd be like okay. 

"This is lorelei. I am madly in love with her. If anything happens to her i will kill everyone in this room and then myself. Okay? okay." I say moving out the way to show her who smiled a little and shyly waved. 

Freddie Dread was just about to say something when Jo smacked her hands down on the table giving Lorelei a verrrryyyy devious stare...reminds me of the pookie dude on tit tok. 

"Ehhh!! omo" Lora shrunk back shyly

"YOU. YOU FRANCE YOU YOU OUI OUI" Jo spat out some words in france man I dont know I just go to war with them occasionally

"Oh yeah your in my france class bongeorge" Lora got less shy

"Oh fr I was just trying to initiate war" Damnit I knew it

Talking went on for a wee when suddenly the speakers in the lunch room crackled to life.

"b-b-b-but d-d-dea-r-r the wikipedia says that coconuts are fruits! N-n-n-not mammals.." The principal, SCOTT CAWTHON 🤯, whimpered. what. speak. spit it the fuck out. he wasnt wrong though

"GRRR YOU'RE A GOOD FOR NOTHING FRUIT MIK I MEAN SCOTT YOU ARE NOT RIGHT BECAUSE I SAID SO!!! AND IM A SLOW STUBBORN STRAGGOT!!" his wife shouts

A click played to the oddly familiar argument and shut off. Fredward, Jo, and some other kids combusted into laughter. Marley was in the corner staring at their feet disappointedly. 

Lora stood shaking her head, an odd horn going off, "Thank you straight jesus. He may be a little twinkie but he a twinkie wit some sense" 

Jo kicked me out my seat and I was starting to wonder who let this carrot top frisbee eye mf out his house without an ankle monitor. Lora let me sit somewhere else but for the reat of lunch fredward and jo tried to murder each other, what else is new

"LETMeIN PLEAISEE" Jo said in a mutilated voice, i flipped her off she flipped me off with both hands i flipped him off with both hands but i soon realized this wasnt enough

"HAUGH HAUGH HAUGH HAUGH" Mickeal came running up the stairs to help, offering two more sets of middle fingers

Jo stood in horror as they melted into the ground, letting out a NOOOOOOOOOO. I smiled watching them DIE and hoped that would be the end of it. I yawn turning around only to see that same mf standing right there like :)

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEEAAHHH"

Jo grined and kicked me onto the couch with their rainbow black tinted punk goth platform boots buckle straps black zipper gothic boots rivets metal decoration long boots knee high tall boots combat boots (britesh for platformers you wouldnt understand)

"I wanna throw this like big party for mars please help me please olesse plweasee pelse pelvis" Jo begged 

"AH no yeah you remember chuck e cheese incident?" the chuck e cheese incident was a birthday party i tried to help fredward with for benjamin. Turns out the pizza and the cake was actually reused, they just smudged off the last kids name and rewrote benjamins in frosting. We only noticed though maybe cus all the slices were different flavors of cake and some had worms in them

"Please"

I guess the only con of this I could think of was I could completely ruin Marleys 17th birthday, their life, and our friendship. Since its a birthday party too and birthday parties were created in possibly the late 1800s and in the late 1800s there was an industrial evolution that began a lot of the worlds problems today such as air pollution, health problems, and slums i could possibly start the next great depression by trying to do this but really whats the worst that can happen

"sure lol"

"eeYAAAAAAAAAAAAA" They screampt and proceeded to crunch me worse than fredward ever has, which was shocking cus hes a midget. She then hopped off the couch and climbed up the ceiling into the kitchen, then extracting a long tongue to eat the dinner my father had prepared for us rainbow flags. god im so terrified.