(!!UNDER UPDATES!!) Fire and Ice - (Bucky Barnes x OC) 18+

Chapter 14

BUCKY

Opening his eyes slowly, Bucky's sight beheld the wall in front of him. The super soldier blinked sleep away and inhaled a deep breath as he rolled onto his back. He glanced at the space beside him that was empty and a sigh fell from his lips. He didn't know why he thought she would be there, maybe some part of him hoped he would wake up to her lying next to him.

His eyes focused on the crack of light streaming through the half closed blinds like a laser beam above him, he raised his right arm and slowly wiggled his fingers in it. 

The fact there was sunlight was enough to put him at ease, almost. Despite the slight warmth he felt from that ray of light, his heart still felt the chill that went bone deep. His mind was still a mess and he had no idea if it would ever settle. 

Somehow he began thinking that last night was a dream even tho he was dressed in casual clothes, smelled of lavender, and her scent of sugar blossoms still lingered in the space beside him.

Laying there, Bucky thought of Alexandra and how she helped him, the way she took care of him with such tender care and how much she's changed since he first met her. He couldn't quite grasp the reality that she wasn't truly from his era—but that she was from a different universe altogether.

The way she looked at him with such softness hurt him to know that he was part of the pain she suffered—a pain he never wanted to inflict on her, ever.

When he closed his eyes, flashbacks rushed across his frontal cortex of the things that happened between them in Hydra, everything they had made him as Winter do to her, it made a sickening feeling crawl up his spine. Bucky didn't think he was worthy of her or would ever be again. 

Alex deserved everything good, she deserved so much happiness and light...not a killer...not a monster. He found himself wishing he could erase everything and start over, change time and the outcome.

A series of questions had plagued his mind and he thought it beyond ridiculous but the emotions began warring within. There was annoyance that she'd lied to him from the beginning, but he could also see the reason behind the lies. He remembered all the moments she was forced to use her gifts, her powers on him so brutally and fierce...

Shooting upright, Bucky gasped and leaned his back against the headboard, no matter what he did the memories kept playing till they stopped strongly on one where he stood on a dock, waiting to ship out with his comrades.

He remembered the way Alex had shoved everyone aside just to get to him, and the way she jumped into his arms and took him by surprise with a kiss. Now in hindsight, he began thinking it was a cruel joke, he'd wanted to kiss her months prior yet she did it the morning he had to leave...

The logical parts of him knew that she was afraid to open her heart, to fall in love, to let someone in...but he'd fallen so damn hard in love with her that it felt like his heart had broken in half. His soul cried that day and he swore he had felt it.

Bucky opened his eyes and lowered his gaze to the quilt that rested over his legs. He found himself lost in the possibilities of how it might've been had he stayed. 

To hell with the war, they could've run away together, and despite the risks attached and being hunted for the rest of his life by the government, he would've done it for her. Bucky would've changed his name and lived a life under the radar for her. He would've asked her to be his and she would've said yes. He knew she would've said yes because he could see the love in her eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Bucky realised that he slept—he actually managed to sleep without a single nightmare. He didn't even toss and turn.

From one thought to another the panic began to build and no matter how hard he worked to calm himself, nothing worked.

Bucky scrambled out of bed and made it to the bathroom floor before he dropped to his knees and pressed his back against the bath tub. He gripped his shirt above his heart and took shuddering breaths. Tears prickled the backs of his eyes as the walls felt like they were closing in on him. He couldn't breathe. 

A knock sounded at his door, and her voice followed it but he couldn't speak. It was as if his jaw had decided to lock and remain frozen shut in place as the tension filled the entire room. Bucky felt so scared when his heart began beating to an unsteady fast rhythm, and all his muscles tensed with the possibility that he might die.