(!!UNDER UPDATES!!) Fire and Ice - (Bucky Barnes x OC) 18+

Chapter 76

PARIS

Despite the way the previous night ended, Alex was still hopeful. Until she stood in her doorway at the same time Bucky stood at his the next morning. 

"Good morning..." She greeted softly, and he gave her a slow nod in return. Before she could get another word out, he cut in. 

"I'm going to check out the terrace,"

Alex's brows drew together for a moment. "You're not gonna have breakfast first?" She asked, and he averted his gaze down the hallway that led to the lower levels.

"I'm not feeling hungry. It's okay, you have something, i'll just eat later." And with that, he walked upstairs. To say it didn't hurt would've been a massive understatement. Alex stared at the empty space in which he'd been standing for a whole minute, before she blinked back the small tears welling in her eyes.

As she walked downstairs, her magic made all the fireplaces alight, easing the warmth back into the cold house. But despite that, she still felt cold. Alex opted to make a smoothie, and made one for him too, leaving it in the fridge front and centre so he'd see it.

She could understand not feeling hungry, putting it down to just a morning thing. An adjustment period. But when it happened again for lunch, then dinner, then day after day, she knew it wasn't just an adjustment period. 

Bucky was actively avoiding her now. Even so, he still consumed what she left him, and vice versa. There wasn't any conversations or time spent together. What hurt the most was being in the same room as him, and feeling like she didn't exist. They had fallen apart so deeply that it ached more than either of them wanted to admit.

Sat on the floor in the corner of the lounge room with a blanket, Alex leaned her shoulder against the wall, gazing out the nearby window, occasionally stealing glances at Bucky too. A sketchbook rested on her bent knees, open to a page she'd been scribbling in. They'd only been there for a week so far and she'd already used up half the book. 

Writing thoughts, sketching images, using it as a no communication journal considering when she did try to talk to him, all she got was one or two worded answers. A sentence at best with a cold undertone. There was no denying that he cared about her, but it was the fact he was hurting her without realising what he was doing that drove her insane. He had withdrawn inside himself, blocking her out completely.

Alex would often times find herself in the bathroom on most nights, curled up on her side in a child's pose silently crying into her palms. Little did she know, Bucky struggled the same way, his own torturous nightmares reoccurring of the flogging. Everything seemed to hit him even more now, and there was no escaping the mental turmoil from sinking its claws deep. In his eyes, keeping her at arms length was better, safer. 

Bucky felt her lingering gaze and glanced over, but she quickly lowered her eyes to her sketchbook. Putting pencil to paper, smudging lines with a fingertip. His gaze held a little too long as he took her in. The soft sunshine casted gentle rays across her face, regardless of all the darkness and pain, she was bathed in an ethereal glow. 

But unlike in Spain, where she radiated everything angelic. Here and now, there was no sight of a smile or twinkle in her eyes. There wasn't any sign of the girl he remembered.

Bucky didn't know about her inner struggles, the days where negative voices were so loud she spent hours under the covers of her bed just praying it would all stop. The darkness weaselled its way out from the lock that wouldn't stay locked. Voices would fill her mind, taunting and alluring.

Alex took comfort in her darkness. Which was new, if anything at all, she used it to converse with before sending it screeching back into it's cage. It was an unusual yet welcome feeling when there was another entity within the same body, one she'd known for a very—very long time.