falling - the sequel

endearing as ever

J: You come here often?

H: No. First time

I lift an eyebrow even though his back is turned to me as he rummages around to try to find a fitting sunbed. I don't believe him. When I don't say anything, he turns around to look at me, I think he sees my discomfort

H: Have you?

He finds one he likes and starts removing the blankets thrown at the foot of the sunbed, not looking at me

J: No – I say annoyed now

H: What? You could have brought a handsome football player here last night for all I know – he chuckles as he clearly teases me. 

He takes a step back after throwing the blankets on a sunbed nearby. My eyes follow him around. I look at him in disbelief and I am about to walk away in hurt and anger. He looks up at me again when I don't say anything and grins when he sees my face

H: I am kidding. Relax – he touches my shoulder, trying to relax me I guess. It works, but I am still not completely at ease with why I am here. Or maybe I am okay that I am here with him. But not the way it has come to this. It feels staged. Rehearsed. Played out too many times, but with different characters. Whitney Houston's song "Same script, different cast" comes to mind. I love that song, but don't want to live out the story necessary.

J: Why are we here?

His expression changes, and his eyes go from ease and jokes to questionable and confused. But I am glad that he is quick to catch on what is going on in my head

H: I wanted to spend time with you. I thought it would be easier to talk here without the music and the interruption of other people all the time, but that you still have your friends close by if you want to go back downstairs.

Now I feel like a shit! He keeps looking at me with a confused and serious face, trying to read me, and my next move. My facial expression softens, and I pout my lips trying to hide my smile and raise my eyebrows to say a subtle Sorry.

He visibly relaxes and gives me a small, careful smile then lays down on the sunbed, all 6-foot-6 of him, puts his hands behind his head and looks at me, eyes dancing.

I wet my lips just to have a distraction and sit down on the sunbed. I wish I didn't wear a dress so I could sit and cross my legs in front of me and put another barrier between us. I don't like to be uncomfortable in an uncomfortable situation. I dont understand myself. I wanted to come here, then I didnt, now I want to be here but, dont want to. 

I put one leg over the other and pull on my dress. Then to buy time I hug my arms over them and cross my fingers by the knees and finally look up at him again. He is still staring at me. If I didn't know any better, I would say with amusement.

H: I went downstairs to use the restroom. I met Mike, one of my colleagues, on the way back. He saw us at the bar and asked about you. I told him I wish we could get a little privacy but without taking you away from here. Just to talk without interruptions... knowing our time is limited. He suggested this rooftop. Whenever his girlfriend from out of town comes they come up here at least once. It's very private and not many people know about it which makes it perfect for dates or spend time with pretty Norwegian girls. His words.

I smile widely at this. Now I feel myself getting embarrassed, and disappointed that I doubted him.

J: Tell me about Japan? How long were you there?

He smiles wider and sits up, putting his knees up and crossing his ankles in front of him, his elbows resting on his knees and his hand holding the other by the wrist and hanging loosely.