falling - the sequel

when you are young, you just run...

"Where are you?"

"Arcade"

"I'm on my way"

"Wohoo 👏👏"

Throughout dinner I couldn't fully concentrate on what was being said. My mind was in a whole other sphere. I wasn't prepared to tell Chloe either because then I would have to tell her about last time he was in the city and what happened and I didn't want to do that. The fewer people knew the better. So I was on my phone as fast as we said our goodbye texting Gemma, needing friends and alcohol. 

I can't believe he wouldn't tell me he was in the city. I mean why would he do that. Its not like he owns me anything. Its just normal common sense to tell your friend... who you kind of have a some-some with, who you just months ago said ILY to, and now you are sneaking around the city hoping she wount notice. 

At the club 20 minutes later I am welcomed with hugs and a shot. I dont want to talk or think about it, I just want to dance and forget. 

"Jo, its Hero" - Gemma says looking at my phone placed on the bar. I stand with my back to her as I am talking to a guy I met on the dance floor. He has now bought me my second drink and I am enjoying his company or his gestures to buy me drinks. Whichever. I dont understand what she is talking about right away, but when I do my mood turns sour

J: I dont want to talk to him - I tell her not bothering turning away for her or look at my phone still placed on the bar

G: Come on maybe he wants to explain

J: I dont want his explanation. I am sure if I didn't see him he wouldn't even bother calling now, so no thanks

An hour later

An hour later he suddenly walks into the bar, and I freeze in the spot. The slight alcohol in my system helps but, I am mostly puzzled. How did he?? I look at Gemma who is giving me an apologetic face. 

"I am gonna kill you later" - I whisper to her

"Fine. But talk to him first" - she says

I dont understand her sudden interest into solving my love life. Or I would understand if she was playing matchmaker with someone new, but why is she pushing Hero towards me. We have talked about him, but she didn't express any particular notion that I should start seeing him again.

"Why are you here?" - I ask as I come to stand in front of him

"I want to talk to you" - he looks down at me, with pleading eyes and a stern posture telling me he aint leaving this bar until he has talked to me

J: I dont want to talk to you!

H: You dont have to talk, you just need to listen

I roll my eyes "I need a drink" - I say as I turn away from him, to start walking towards the bar. He grabs my wrist and I flinch by the touch causing me to pull my hand to my chest. He looks at me confused.  

H: No. First listen then have as many drinks as you want - he says like its a demand but, his calm and sincere stance makes it more like begging

And for the first time it looks like he is nervous and unsure too. I really dont understand him. A month ago we were all caught up in each other and it wasn't just me, he was on the notes even more so. He even sounded offended when I joked that I blamed the wine for being caught up with him again. We shared a wonderful night and morning and when he left back to Bcn we kept in touch, not daily or anything serious but a text here and there, a meme, a song, a recommendation of some sort, but we kept in touch. Kept each other close. And then suddenly he is here, in LONDON. Without telling me about it!!

Despite me being angry and annoyed, I am mostly hurt, but I also can't seem to say no. I let out a loud sigh, to show him with my whole body language just how annoyed I am by him, but, I also give up - "Fine"

H: Come - he takes my wrist again, this time I let him. My skin burns by his touch, but I'll keep my cool

J: Where are we going?

H: Somewhere quiet to talk - he guides me through the long bar, and through several rooms until we reach the furthest one in the back. There are six booths in here and the music is playing very quietly, two of the booths are occupied by other couples, so we sit in one in the left corner. We sit on opposite sides, the table between us. I sit back and fidgeted with my fingers in my lap, looking down at them trying to calm my breathing. After a while with nothing happening I look up to catch him watching me. A gentle smile on his lips, his eyes warm, and his hands folded in front of him on the table.

J: So talk?

He breathed heavily: "Okay... well you know that Theo and Dela broke up? Theo told you today... it happened about two weeks ago, she was the one who asked for the break. He was... or...  IS bummed. He wouldn't say so of course but, I sensed it on him. So I decided to come this weekend to be with him, check on him

J: Thats fine. But why hide it from me?

H: I didnt hide it from you

J: Why not tell me then?

H: I dont know... why would I need to tell you?

I am surprised by his words...

J: I guess you wouldn't - I say mostly to myself, as I am surprised and a little bit of afraid where this conversation is heading

He shrugges his shoulders: "We aren't dating Joss... - shakes his head as he remembers he can't use his pet name for me anymore - Jo... I dont have to tell you my whereabouts"

J: I know... I just thought... A month ago, you were here... we were all over each other... and then we have been texting this month... 

H: You were eye fucking your ex boyfriend in front of me in Oslo Jo I am not gonna forget that that easily

He kicks the breath out of me for a second. Okay. Yes I did do that. Yes I was a shitty person to him back in May. But this is not May. This is now... five months later -  "But, a month ago... we had so much fun. You spent the night. I mean you didn't want to leave in the morning...

H: Yes, we had fun in bed. We always do... hell I would sleep with you now in a heartbeat. But I am not ready to be in a relationship with you again... if ever

This is not adding up. He is being an asshole, and a coward. No, way in hell all that cuddling and nuzzling, those tender kisses, the stroke of nose to my chin, the kisses on my forehead, the spooning while kissing my ear and hair that night and morning in Brandon and Chloes apartment was all lust. But, I'll let him have it. If this is what he wants to believe, fine. I am done.

"Thats such bull Hero, and you know it! But then again you've always been a coward" - I calm down a little - "So you came all the way to this bar. After bombing my phone and my roommates phone to find out where I am just to come and tell me you dont want to be with me, but would fuck me again anytime - I snicker in disgust and shake my head - "Well fuck you! I am not that girl anymore!" - I stand up and leave the booth. This time he doesn't follow me which I am glad because I am sure I could continue to spit my rant at him.