falling - the sequel

I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs

H: Thanks for hearing me out - he says as we sit down at Salam, my favorite Middle Eastern restaurant in West Village. He knows this very well as we have shared many memorable meals and conversations in here, which is why I think he has booked a table this time too

J: Yeah... Like I had a choice I think to myself

H: I have to say... This is so strange... never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be in a position to have to explain my daughter to you

He is clearly nervous, as I am, though I am not sure why I am... maybe for the unknown, for the what's to come... 

J: Why not?

H: Because I never thought we would ever see each other again, let alone be involved on such a level that I have to explain Madison to you.

He hasn't even began to talk about the reason we are here and I am already speechless

J: Madison? - I know of his dream about playing in Madison Square Garden

He smiles, I guess a proud father smile before responding slowly: "Yes. Maddie. Madison."

I try to read in between the lines, try to read his eyes, his smiles... but, I can't figure this out. How did I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?? I have sent both Aiden and Brandon screw you for not telling me texts, getting only lame ass it wasn't their place to tell texts back. 

J: I dont get it... I just... What's going on Hero? You have a daughter for Christ?

H: Yeah... while I was living in LA I... I dated Jeanie, you met her at the theatre, for a few months. She became pregnant. Totally unplanned and unexpected. And Maddie was born.

There is silence as I am processing, he is watching me as I am watching him. It feels like my head is going to explode from the pressure.

J: How old is she? – I felt his happiness while talking about her, even though I am still mad or disappointed, or both, in him. I am not sure why. But I am. Honestly I think I am mostly jealous. That he had his first child, and it wasn't with me.

H: She'll be 4 by the end of the year.

J: What happened with Jeanie? Why aren't you guys together?  – I ask more forcefully than I intend. Granted I know I have no business in knowing this, we are nothing, he doesn't own me anything, no explanation nothing. But I hope he tells me.

H: Like I said... it was just casual ... the dating but, when she found out she was pregnant she wanted to keep the baby. I of course wasn't that excited. I was still balling, traveling and I mean we barely knew each other, and I didn't see it as anything else than a fling. But she couldn't bear to not have the baby. Which I am of course glad for today. We eventually embraced the situation and decided we would try to make it work, for Maddie. I didn't know anything about babies. Heck I didn't know anything about anything besides basketball. You remember how I was. I screwed us up for the same reason.

This astounds me a little. That he addresses the past so casually. I guess we are having all the talks tonight, all cards on the table.

H: But, I tried. I bought a bigger house in LA and she moved in, Madison was born shortly after. And it was a perfect bubble... until it wasn't anymore.

J: What happened?

H: The long story short... I cheated on her.

J: Whoa!!

He nods, shame evident in his whole face: "There is no excuse or explanation for it really... It was just plain stupid ignorance and selfishness from my side.