Wrapped around your finger - Post Malone

57

Austin.

I am sorry. I know you don't want to hear it, but I will say it a million times. I am sorry. I never had any intention of hurting you or Evelyn, when I came to Cottonwood. My intentions had only been good. Cathy had asked me to write the wrong she had done, to let Evelyn know that she had loved her even if she had done a bad job of showing it. I had intended to drive out and tell you both about Cathy and who I was, fulfill Cathy's request, and leave. But then I met you and it took seconds, seconds, to fall in love with both you and Evelyn. I kept my secret for selfish reasons -  I was a coward, I was afraid of losing you and the thought of it drove my lie and so I waited. I fooled myself, telling myself that I just needed to find the right time. But there would never have been a right time. I was so desperate to hold onto what you and Evelyn gave me so freely and the further we got the harder it became to tell you only because my love for you grew with each passing second, as did my fear of losing you. I had no right to keep this from you or Evelyn and I am sorry for it. But it wasn't all a lie. The way I feel about you, the things I said, the way I touched you - that was the truth. My feelings for Evelyn are not a lie. I love her as if she was my own, I know I don't have any right to, but I do. I would beg for your forgiveness, but I don't even forgive myself - how could I after the way you looked at me? Your beautiful blue eyes, once the color of the sky, are now cold and icy. I don't deserve your forgiveness or Evelyns so I will not ask for it, but I wanted to be sure you understood that it was not all a lie. I will love you till my dying day, Austin.

Hazel.

Austin's eyes scan the letter for at least the tenth time then he folds it and puts it back in his back pocket. Lightning stamps his hooves and shakes his head. "I didn't ask your opinion," he says down to his friend. Sometimes, Austin thinks, Lightning is more human than himself. He lifts his head when he hears a twig break on the trail. "Son," his father greets. "Pop," he greets back then looks out at his ranch below as the old man walks his horse closer then turns it to stand next to him and mirrors his son. He knows his father is here to talk, but he is done talking. "Your mother used to say that there was no better way to mend a broken heart than on the back of a horse," his father says. If that's the case then Austin would be riding for years. He is not foolish enough to pretend that he had not loved Hazel, as crazy as it sounds, loving a woman so fiercely after a week of knowing her...that was foolish. But she betrayed him. There was nothing more to be said or done. The past has come and gone, there is no use crying over it.

"Son-"

He is cut off when Austin pulls his reins, turning Lightning, and then walks further up the mountain. Austin can hear him following behind, the man is a stubborn old fool. "I ain't gonna stop followin' ya!" he shouts as they climb. Austin shakes his head and keeps climbing. His mother had always said his father was a mulish man. He likes to think he took after his mother but she was just as much of a pain in his ass, if not more. Once at the top, he walks Lightning close to the edge. The whole of Cottonwood is visible from up here and even though he is still technically on Cottonwood he can feel the pull to drive Lightning back down to its rolling fields and icy river.

"Son-"

"Leave well enough alone."

"I would. But nothing is well...or enough."

"There is nothing you can tell me that I don't already know."

"What about what I have to say?"

Austin drops his head at the sound of Evelyn's voice. He had not seen her as she sat behind her grandfather, Star still too young to ride. She hops off and walks over to him, looking up at him from his foot with a stern face. "This is my mountain so you will hear what I have to say...you stubborn old man," she demands. "I am twenty-eight," he counters. "Still old. Still stubborn," she counters back just as quick. Austin tries, but he can't stop the smile that forms on his lips. His father is no better as he chuckles and turns his horse around, walking off. Austin bends down and lifts Evelyn up, placing her in the saddle in front of him. "I love it up here. You can see everything," she says. "Is that? Is that Tina and Jack going into the forest?" she asks leaning forward in the saddle. Austin hums and moves Lightning to face away from the forest. Jack will get what's coming to him later. He is hypocritical in his ways, he does not care.

"Speak your mind, miss Evelyn, because once off this mountain I will hear no more of it," he says trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"I love her. You do too, don't think I haven't seen you read her letter a hundred times. Whether you admit it out loud or not the truth remains - she changed us...she changed this place. It will never be the same again. You always say that every living creature on this ranch has a purpose, well she is part of this ranch - like it or not. I know you are angry and I will give you your time, but I want to keep her. I want to hear her voice and feel her arms wrapped around me, I feel safe in them like I do yours. She made me happy and I know she made you happy too. I know she was wrong and maybe I should be angry or even...even hate her, but I don't. I don't feel any of those things but I do miss her and I know you miss her too."

"She lied, Evelyn."

"I lied before and you forgave me."

"It's not the same thing."

"You lied."

Well, that took the wind out of his sails. He can't move as he stares at the back of her ridiculous rhinestone Stetson. Evelyn slowly turns around and faces him, she looks so much like his mother that it scares him. She saw right through all his bullshit and Evelyn is no different. "Dad, you always told me you didn't need anything more in life other than Cottonwood or me. You always said that you are happiest when you ride these fields on the back of Lightning and even happier still when I ride beside you and while I know this is your home and that you are happy here...you lied. You are happiest with her, you need her. I know this place means the world to you and that you love me more than all the stars in the sky...but she is the sky. She is what ties us all together."

Austin stares at her. When did she get so smart? When did she grow up so much? "You done?" he asks, a smile playing on his lips. Evelyn smiles back at him. "Yes, I have said what I needed to say," she says and turns backg around, "now take us back down. We have done enough lallygagging for one day, we have a ranch to run," she commands. Austin has to stifle his chuckle, it won't do any good to let her get too brave with her commands. He guides Lightning carefully down the mountain and sees Ace in the first field they hit. "Go to the forest and tell Jack I want to see him in the barn. Make sure Tina is decent before you get to them," he growls then turns Lightning and sends him galloping back to the ranch house.