Pain & Gain

Chapter 13

Once in the apartment Marshall looks at me expectantly. He stands with his arms just hanging by his sides, and his eyes wait for me to speak. I can't handle him standing there looking hurt so I run up to him and pull him close. His arms wrap around me too, his hands clutching me and not letting go. I kiss him long and hard, twisting his hair and lacing my hand with his.

"What happened to us Rach..." He whispers and the words almost break my heart. "I feel like you never want me anymore, like you don't trust me."

"I do trust you." I mumble against his lips letting my hands slide down his chest. "I want you now..."

Marshall moans lightly and pulls my hips against his. His fingertips sink into my backside and his hips slowly grind into mine.

"I want you too." He tells me. "I want you all the time, you have to tell me what's going on."

He plants kisses on my neck, and I pull his hands off. He grabs my hands, unwilling to let go even for a moment. His eyes search all over my body and I can't stop my smile.

"What is it?" He smiles too, waiting.

"When I fainted and went to the doctor, they checked me out and took some blood." I start, still unable to hide my smile. "Well I had been feeling nauseous and they found something when my test results came back."

"Are you sick?" Marshall's voice sounds urgent now. "You can't be sick."

He's always been one to instantly assume the worst. He always lets his worry take over. He's very protective in that sense.

"No I'm not." I laugh once, squeezing his hands.

"What's wrong then?" He asks.

"Well..." I take both of his hands and slowly guide them over to my stomach, pressing his palms against the fabric of my shirt. "One test did come back positive."

Marshall's eyes flicker up to meet mine. His lips part slightly as if he's asking me to confirm it. I nod once to him and he lets his eyes fall back down to my stomach. Marshall's stares at his hands on me, letting the information process.

"You're..." He quickly removes his hands, keeping them extended but not touching me.

"Marshall." I say, and he lets his hands fall to his sides.

"I need to sit down." He tells me, taking in deep breaths and backing up to the couch.

"Are you okay?" I stand beside him and he puts his face in his hands.

He doesn't answer me, just rubs his temples. I thought he'd be...happier. I wish he'd just say something. Anything would be better than 'I need to sit down'. I sit next to him and pull one of his hands down to expose his face. He looks at me with concerned eyes. Beautiful, aqua eyes that I hope our kid will have.

"I don't know how to be a dad." He whispers under his breath. "I'm not ready. I don't know what to do."

"Marshall..." I lace our fingers and kiss his temple.

"I don't know the first thing on how to be a parent." He tells me. "Let alone a good one."

"Hey." I force him to turn his head and look at me. "Don't worry, we can figure it out."

"You can Rachel." He says, taking both of my hands. "You're the one who is good at figuring things out, you always know the right thing to do. That's you babe that's not me." He shakes his head. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"Marshall-"

"The only reason I'm not dead is because you asked me not to fight anymore." He explains. "That was the right thing to do. The reason I'm not depressed anymore is because you let me love you. That was the right thing to do." Marshall hesitantly places one of his hands over my stomach. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but you do."