Pain & Gain

Chapter 17

"Please try to understand." Marshall begs me, holding me by the shoulders in the mangled locker room.

"I don't understand Marshall." I shake my shoulders free, taking exactly one step back.

"You have to try!" He yells, his voice rumbling. "It would only be two or three fights to get the money to rebuild the gym. I wouldn't be alone, the others will fight also." He tries to come and pull me to him but I shove his hands away.

"You almost got killed last time." I remind him, feeling a sudden rush of tears threatening my eyes. "I will never understand why you would do that to me again."

"Rachel I'm not asking you to understand the fighting, I'm asking you to understand that I owe this to him." Marshall takes my hand which I instantly tug back by my side. "He's a brother to me and he would do the same, I need to do this."

"He didn't ask you to, you volunteered." I remind him of his actions once again. "I get that you owe it to him Marshall I really do, but you have to think about me, about your child."

The tears start to come now. I'm not sad, just angry. My insides are boiling with fury. Not towards him, but towards the situation. I can't be mad at Rule, he didn't ask. I'm mad I have no one to blame.

"I mean what happens when you get seriously hurt in there?" I ask-yell at him. "I can't raise this kid alone, I won't do it. You can't just die on me Marshall. You promised me no more fighting!"

In a second he's grabbing me waist, easily overpowering me as always. He holds me against his chest and kisses my forehead. For a minute I'm relieved, and then I remember what he's telling me. My body fires up again and I push away.

"Come here." He demands, clearly frustrated that I won't let him touch me.

"No." I deny him, and he looks a little bit hurt. "I don't want you to touch me and try to change my mind."

"What do you want Rachel?" Marshall takes a step towards me and I don't move at all.

"What do I want?" I ask in disbelief. I march up to him and pull him down by his shirt collar to my eye level. He's taken aback by my action of authority. "I want you to look me in the eyes and promise me you're done."

Marshall raises a brow and meets my stern tone. "Or what?" He challenges.

I look at him for a couple seconds, threatened momentarily. The rage in my belly turns into hurt. There shouldn't have to be an "or what?". He already promised me once he wouldn't fight outside of training. My hand releases his t shirt and I flatten my palm against his chest and slowly push him back. He extends to his normal height and I'm intimidated by him. He looks down at me with a hard expression. I step back again, before making my way around him.

"Rachel wait." Marshall says, and turns around. "Don't leave."

"Are you gonna stop? For real." I cross my arms over my chest and await an answer that doesn't come.

The look we exchange is a complicated one. I can't tell if he's confused or hurt or worse. For the first time, I'm staring into his eyes and I think he's intimidated by mine. I believe I have the power in this moment. He looks at me with that pained expression, he's torn. We stare for a good two minutes and then I see his eyes beginning to water.

"I'm sorry." He says. "But I can't." Marshall shakes his head in a way that suggests he's disappointed in himself. "Please try and understand. You have to stand by me."

"You're breaking your promise." I tell him. "I have to be able to trust you."

"You can baby, and you do." He shakes his head and inhales deeply. "We love each other we'll work this out."