Pain & Gain

Chapter 24

~Marshall's P.O.V.~
It does not seem real to me. I woke up this morning and she wasn't next to me. I made coffee for one person. There was no makeup in the bathroom I had to work around. There were no bras on the floor for me to step over. And about five minutes ago I was hit with the sickening realization that she is gone.
I'm sitting on the couch, staring at absolutely nothing. The CD she made me for Christmas plays on my stereo. It hurts, everything hurts. I sit there in my living room feeling pain and then numb and then pain again. She left me, she really left me.
I feel my eyes beginning to water and for the first time in my life I don't fight it. I let myself cry. I love her, and she left. Every time I think about it I get sick. I looked her in the eye and begged her to stay and she still left. She swore she wouldn't leave me, we were supposed to be together forever. She was it for me. She might find another but I won't.

"Fuck." I say out loud, clenching my eyes shut and crying harder.

How could she do this? What did I do wrong? God I'm fucking miserable. I told her over and over that I'm in love with her and she still walked out. Doesn't she love me? Of course she does. She wouldn't have stayed this long with me if she didn't. Fuck I miss her already. I told her I wouldn't be happy. I'll never get over her. I'll never find one like her. I don't want to. She's the only girl for me.
I put my face in my hands, leaning forward. Fucking hell, this hurts more than any fight I've ever been in. I can't stop remembering her face when she said goodbye to me. It looked like she didn't want to leave but she did anyway. It's killing me. My eyes burn with the sensation, and I inhale shaking breaths.
My phone buzzes beside me on the couch. It's been going off all day but I never answer. Its never who I want it to be. The buzzing ceases and then immediately starts up again. I glance down, its Rule. He's called seven times today.

"Fuck." I say out loud, and quickly try to compose my voice. "What?" I hiss into the phone.

"Where the fuck have you been all damn day?" He fires back, sounding more pissed than me.

"I'm not coming in today, I have a thing." I can't bring myself to tell him, I need to be alone.

"A thing?" Rule snarls. "What the hell kind of excuse is that? I know you're just gonna stay home with Rachel all day."

The words sting. I wish I was staying with her today, but she isn't here. I want to punch him in the nose for saying that, but I remind myself that he doesn't know any better.

"I'm not staying home with her today." I explain, the hostility never leaving my voice.

"Good, then you have ten fucking minutes to get here." He threatens.

"She left me." I blurt out, some tears racing down my cheeks.

"What?" He sounds confused, like he didn't hear me right.

"Rachel." I say again, my voice cracking and betraying me. "She left me last night."

"What?" He says again, definitely confused. "When's she coming back?"

"She's not fucking coming back." I shout at him. "She broke up with me, and she's not coming back so I'm not fucking coming in today!" I yell at him.

"Mars-"

I hang up before he can finish. I wait a couple minutes and realize that he won't call again. I clutch my phone in my hands and feel some tears come again. And I don't know why I do it, I shouldn't be doing it, it's stupid and wrong of me, but I dial her number. It's as I expected, I get her voicemail and it hurts to hear her voice.

"Hey, it's me again." I say into the phone, trying to hide the shaking in my voice. "I miss you. A lot. And I don't really understand how this happened, but I know that I love you and I want you to come back. I'd do anything to have you back-"