The sound of alleluia was slowly getting louder. It began with the non-stop singing of hymns. I was seated on a cold hard floor. There was no rug or carpet. I could not lean my back on a wall or support, which made me more uncomfortable. All around me were teenage boys or young adult men sitting very close to each other, all hunched up on the floor. At the back of the room were older men or those men with physical ailments sitting on chairs.
The alleluias kept getting shriller. The boys and men around me seemed very much at home. I felt like Santa Claus in a nudist colony. I didn't fit in but was too afraid to leave. The fear of missing out. What if I missed out on a blessing, or worse, God got angry with me for leaving? I was scared shit wondering how the heck I landed here and what the hell I was doing here?
Then came the talk of God's love. I cried. I did. I never could imagine that someone could love and accept me. From that moment, I fully participated. And I was rewarded. I had a mystical experience of God's love.
Immediately I renounced my sinful ways. I don't recall when exactly I became a "Holy Joe"; it possibly was when I started living a double life like Clark Kent and Superman. I mean, nobody knew how I wore my underwear in private. Oh, you thought the disguise was the spectacles. No, my friend, it is what we are within that matters.
Ah, the joys of hypocrisy! It's nice to have your halo and jello too!
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"The mystic flies from moment to moment. The fearful ascetic drags along month to month. But the length of a “day” to a Lover may be fifty thousand years!
You can’t understand this with your mind. You must burst open! Fear is nothing to a Lover, a tiny piece of thread.
Love is a Quality of God. Fear is an attribute of those who think they serve God but who are actually preoccupied with penis and vagina.
You have read in the text where They love Him blends with He loves them. Those joining Loves are both Qualities of God. Fear is not.
What characteristics do God and human beings have in common? What is the connection between what lives in time and what lives in eternity? If I kept talking about Love, a hundred new combinings would happen, and still, I would not say the Mystery.
The fearful ascetic runs on foot along the surface. Lovers move like lightning and wind. No contest.
Theologians mumble, rumble-dumble, necessity and free will while lover and Beloved pull themselves into each other."
