𝐼 𝐶𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐴𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 [𝑬𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈]

chapter three

Not even five minutes into crying there's a knock on the door and I know by the pattern it's Alejandro. I hated when he ever saw me crying, it felt like a weak moment for me and I only wanted him to see me as his strong girlfriend.

"Baby?" He speaks softly and even his tone I could sense his concern, he knew when I was always upset his tone says it all.

"Yeah?" I tried to speak but my voice cracks and I find myself crying harder, holding a hand over my mouth to stop from choking on my own tears. The door slowly opens and he peeks his head in, seeing me in tears his eyes soften as he takes a breath. He hated seeing me cry, told me it broke his heart when he knew someone hurt me in anyway possible.

He steps in and closes the door behind him, turning to me and pulling me to my feet, wrapping me in a tight hug. I melt into his embrace, trying to be as calm and collective as possible but him holding me felt so intense I cried harder.

"Baby..." He muttered and pressed a kiss on my head, running a hand up and down my back. He didn't push me to talk, he simply waited until I was done and I did eventually calmed down, taking deep breaths as I wiped my eyes on his shirt. He didn't mind and I'm glad he didn't.

"Wanna talk?" He spoke softly, peering down at me.

I step back and sit on the seat again, wiping my eyes.

"I hate when you see me cry, makes me feel like a baby" I chuckled and he kneels down, cupping my face in his hands

"Don't ever apologize for showing emotions. Okay? Don't. Your allowed to it's how you feel so when your with me always express how you feel with me alright?" He tells me, and I nod, his words melting into my heart, etched there forever.

"It's...her. I swear I can never prove how good I am to her...I don't know...I know she isn't right but..what if-"

He stops me from speaking, his eyes serious.

"Do you want to stay here? Really..tell me".

I think hard, thoughts going to my dad.

"Yes and no...I love my dad so much but I also love you and want to live with you and be my own person. I don't want to be here to prove anything to her you know? I'm my own person " I speak and as those words leave my mouth he nods.

"Now... stand up, wipe those beautiful eyes of yours and look in the mirror and say it again" he tells me and I nod, standing up and facing myself in the mirror.

"You are your own person...don't let anyone control your actions " I tell myself and feel some sort of confidence fill my body, wiping my nose and taking a deep breath.

"Do you believe those words?" He asks me, his hands coming around my waist as he stares into my eyes through the mirror.

"..I do...it's a slow process but I do" I tell him and he nods, kissing my cheek softly.

I did feel better, letting little things like that shouldn't even have an affect on me but I guess I shouldn't expect much positivity from her, she wasn't exactly my mom... nobody could be her.

"Baby...look at me" he speaks and I turn to him, finding his eyes glazed with passion.

"You are wonderful, such a beautiful woman okay? You've come a long way and i will always be here by your side no matter what okay?".

I nod and feel a smile coming on so I lean forward and kiss him softly, feeling him smile against my lips as well.

Later that night I couldn't sleep so I find myself walking Into my dad's study. He's got his own study, and he's always up late at night looking up recipes for his book. I knock on his closed door and he motions for me to come in and I open the door and step inside quietly, careful of the creaking floor beneath me.

"Hey pumpkin, can't sleep?" He always called me pumpkin when he was troubled, and by the look on his face, the eyebags heavily drawn under his eyes I could tell.

"No, I wanted to check in with you dad. Are you alright?" I take a seat by his desk, leaning back to study my father. he looked worn out, and not in a good way.

"It's...work. and..well you and Helen" he rubs his eyes, setting his glasses down.

"What's going on?".

He leans back and looks at me and for the first time in forever it seemed as if my father didn't have the answer.

"Work is great of course...stressful yes but it's definitely worth it if it's helping others. You know I love helping others...but..Helen...I don't know honey"..he trails off and his eyes find their way towards an envelope on the desk.

"What is it dad?".

He's quiet before he speaks "nobody will ever replace your mother you know that right?".

I nod.

"..I did love Helen I swear. But..I can't be with someone who speaks in such a disrespectful way towards you I cant. Your my everything Anna and I won't be with a woman who doesn't treat you like everything. "

I blink in surprise, I hadn't known he had this thought.

"Why didn't you tell me dad? I'm always here for you" I tell him, standing up and making my way towards him. I grab his hand and hold mine over his.

"I know I do. I just...if we divorce I want you to know I'll be okay...it will be awhile but I know I will. Me and Helen have already talked last night so.. everything will be figured out tomorrow ".

I nod and take a deep breath, trying to figure out if he's really telling the truth. My dad is stronger than any guy I know but he's also good at hiding sometimes.

"Dad...I know it hurts. You don't have to hide anything from me, I know you'll be in pain. And if you think it's best than I want the best for you..for us. Okay?".

He nods and his eyes fill with tears, suddenly choking back a sob he breaks down into tears and I pull him into a tight hug, hating seeing him cry.

"I..I miss her so much. I don't know why I'm trying to fill her spot in... nobody can ever replace you're mom... nobody " he speaks andi nod, holding him tighter.

He was right, my mom was one of a kind..and we both knew it.