Not Like The Rest DrakenxfemOC

I'm Here

I'm not sure how I'm feeling after the way Draken and I left things off.

I know he told me not to worry, but that's all I can do now.

I sigh, flopping onto my bed and staring up to the blank ceiling. I close my eyes hoping my pesky thoughts will lose interest in bothering me, unfortunately the disappearance of thoughts only leads to a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. It weighs me down with anxiety, allowing room for new arising thoughts and questions.

I attempt to sink into my mattress, hoping it will swallow me whole along with all my stress. Feeling the urge to curl up into a little ball and cry or scream, whatever works to release this relentless distress from within.

My insides twist together, constricting tightly around my respiratory organs making it difficult to breath steadily.

I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fists in frustration, gritting my teeth to keep back the pathetic tears.

I roll onto my stomach, grabbing at my hair and pushing my face into the messy blankets. I let out an inhuman sound, allowing the mattress to muffle my outburst.

I grab a pillow forcefully, digging my bitten fingernails into the fluff. My emotions taking control as I turn over aggressively, forgetting I was already laying on the edge of the bed. Now finding myself free falling, landing with a painful THUD! Followed by a groan, as I drop the soft cushion on my face. Stray tears escaping from behind its sheild and trickling down the sides of my face with a wet stain.

What am I going to do now? I'm jobless and about to be homeless once again.

And all that's on my foolish teenage mind is a boy who doesn't recuperate any form of positive emotions.

My dry throat burns red raw as I cry out, pawing at my teary eyes.

Why am I acting like this? What is wrong with me?

I am better than this.

I know I am.

I won't allow these stupid emotions to get the better of me.

It's time to get my head back in the game.

I need to figure my life out.

I climb to my feet, wiping my dripping nose on my sleeve leaving a gross, dark trail of mucus along the cuff. I hurl my tear soaked pillow at my beds headboard, letting it fall softly to the pile of pillows.

I head to my bathroom, splashing freezing water over my swollen eyes repeatedly. Battling with my silent tears and wishing the icy liquid will numb my fears. Turning the tap off, I stare up at my dripping reflection. Droplets of water cascading down my puffy expression.

"Baby steps," I inform my reflection, my voice wavering ever so slightly.

"I just need to take it one step at a time," I continue, looking right into my bright blue eyes.

"First, I'll figure out dinner," I pause, taking a long, deep breath. "Then, everything else."

I nod, "it's going to be alright."

I grab a towel, patting my face dry and keeping my breathing steady. I remind myself to focus on one step at a time.

Everything will work out eventually is what I reassure myself, whether or not it's true. It helps somewhat ease my nerves.

I plan on grabbing dinner at the festival to take my mind off things.

I search through my wardrobe, trying to ignore the unusual weight settled in my gut; almost feeling like a warning.