Taken by fate

Chapter 17

When I woke up my hand automatically reached up to my neck thinking that while I had been asleep you had come down here and put the collar back on.
Nothing.
My neck was bare, seeing the collar on the floor, same spot as before.
A hint of joy sparking through my system. Thinking that maybe you hadn't come down at all.
Turning to get off the bed, foot hitting something soft.
Told paper, along with the box refilled with tampons.
So you did come down after all.
Picking a wrapper from the box grabbing a roll heading to the bucket. Soaked through, I had been asleep for a while.
Silence.
Irritating, making the atmosphere almost claustrophobic. Wiping my hands and thighs, dropping the trash into the bucket as well before I walked over to the speaker powering on the MP3 player and hitting play.
Lyrics playing through the speaker.
"Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm going to make this place your home."
Hell no.
Hitting the skip button passing on to the next song.
Happy upbeat music playing.
Nope.
Skipping again.
Opera singing filled the space but I didn't want to listen to that either. Scrolling through stopping on one titled Numb. Pressing play and dropping the player onto the floor.
Numb, that's exactly how I felt right now. Words bouncing off the walls around me as I walked in circles. Watching as my feet moved, focusing solely on them. How my toes curled with each step, the length between where my feet separated.
Song after song, continuing on. Not thinking, just moving. As long as I focused on my feet and moving the thoughts went away.
Step, step, right foot moving forward then the left. Step,step.
One foot in front of the other moving, concrete speeding up beneath me. Step, step.
"Sarah."
Barley hearing my name in the distance, only walking, just keep walking. Walking, take a step then another.
"Sarah. Sarah!"
Ground moved underneath me faster than what I was going.
Pressure on my arm, forcing me to stop.
"Sarah, look at me." But I was still moving, mind seeing one foot move past the other.
The room spun around me. Head circling, eyeballs pulsing.
"Sarah, come on."
All of a sudden I was weightless moving again, fast, going up. Floating towards the light as it got brighter. Right arm hanging down, swinging through the air.
Was this what death felt like? No feeling, no thoughts, nothing.
Hearing a slam, something sliding and screeching, rain.
Hearing everything but uncaring. My body, lifeless. A puppet in your arms as you held my chin moving my head side to side. Still seeing my feet moving beneath me.
Almost as if I was separate from my body.
Like I wasn't here at all.
Wasn't here.
I liked that.
"Please Sarah, look at me. Say something."
How could I, if I wasn't here?
Lost in the nothingness.
"Dammit."
Floating as it continued to rain.
"Come on."
Wet, droplets of rain pelting onto my face going up my nose into my mouth, breathing the water into my lungs.
Burning from the inside out. Adrenaline pumping through my veins as fear took over allowing me to come back to the present.
Coughing, jerking my head away from the water.
"That's it, there we go."
Setting me down on the floor leaning over to twist the shower off.
Water dripping out of my mouth, brain on fire, pressing my hands against the sides of my nose. Still coughing.
"Breath, breath in, breath out."
Listening to that voice in the distance. Breathing in, couching, more than forcing air out until my lungs settled and the sensation of pain subsided.
"Sarah, can you hear me?"
Lifting my head up seeing you, completely soaked through, just like I was. Shivering from the cold.
A towel wrapped around my shoulders, rubbing my arms, as I sat there unmoving.
"We need to get you dry but your shirt is soaked."
Lifting me off the ground onto the lid of the toilet.
"Do you understand, I need to take off your shirt so that I can dry you off."
Hand squeezing my knee. "Come on Sarah, don't disappear on me again."
Towel going down my legs, up my arms, drying everything that wasn't covered by the shirt.
Reaching for the bottom button, pausing to look up at me, waiting for a reaction that never came.
Quickly undoing the buttons, lifting one arm then the next pulling the shirt off my body. Pulling out another towel to finish drying me off.
Droplets of water falling onto my legs.
"It's ok to cry, tell me what you need."
Corner of the towel wiping against my face before you wrapped the full length around my body.
Weightless once more as you carried me into the living room placing me on the couch.
Alone.
Limbs sprawled out in every direction, not caring to move them.
"Drink this."
Condensation all round the bottle of cold water. Following the droplets as they slid down some creating even bigger droplets.
Unscrewing the cap slowly moving the water towards my lips, your hand on the back of my head leaning me back.
I didn't want the water, didn't want anything.
Plastic at my mouth, water pouring through my open lips.
Refusing to swallow as the water ran from my open mouth running down my chest soaking into the couch cushion.
"Drink."
Listening to that voice again, not sure why. Swallowing a bit, coughing more as the water went down wrong.
Sitting up, turning my head away.
"Talk to me."
There was no point. I've already said everything. You didn't care.
Moving around to the front of me holding onto my left, lifting my arm up about to kiss my knuckles. Pulling my arm back hiding my hands behind my calves as I brought my knees to my chest.
Ignoring your words as you kept talking, asking me questions, trying to get a response, zoning you out as Istared at the coffee table.
Wood. Stained a medium brown. Like the shelf the tv sat on. Basic. Rectangle with four short posts, smooth but rough. There was no gloss to finish the look. Just wood.
Most furniture that I've seen in stores usually had a gloss finish, especially if the model was mass produced. Cheaply made but add gloss and all of a sudden it's fancy.
Most of the furniture in my house for the most part had been refinished by my mom.
Watching her go through the entire process.
Was it just two ago that I had asked her to repaint all my furniture white tired of the cherry red color? Remembering how my mother jumped at the task excited to be able to put her skills to work.
Not only had she sanded down and repainted my furniture she also changed the color of my walls to a light lavender color that went well with the white. Hugging her so hard, excited and thankful for everything she had done.
The tears had long since stopped.
Shouldn't I be reveling in the fact that I was upstairs, unbound? Isn't that what I've been working towards? Yet I didn't feel much of anything.
You were no longer sitting on the couch though I knew you were still watching me. Listening as rustled around in the kitchen, chopping away, something sizzling on the stove. Stomach rumbling as I smelt the spices.
It wasn't that I couldn't feel anything, I just didn't want to.
Didn't want to feel sorry, or angry, or sad, or happy, angry or confused. Too many feelings.
Too much.
Moving my sight to my legs. Brown hairs sticking up pointing in all different directions. Some curling from the length they had grown. Seeing how pale my skin had gotten from lack of sun. Don't people get sick from lack of sunlight?
Oh well. If I got sick then I got sick. Nothing I could do to stop that.
A plate appeared in front of my face. Chicken covered in some green sauce with steamed broccoli on the side.
"You should eat something."
Hearing your words knowing you were right yet I couldn't get myself to care. It's not like I wanted the food in the first place.
Seeing you pick up the fork stabbing a piece of broccoli holding the vegetable out to me. Sitting there not even acknowledging that the fork was right in front of me.
Calloused palm resting against my knee, thumb rubbing back and forth. 
After a few attempts of trying to get me to take a bite you put the plate down on the table letting out a sad sigh.
Words in the air.
Time passing on.
You got up and paced the floor for a moment before grabbing the plate, taking the uneaten food back to the kitchen.
More noises.
Staring into space.
You came back, this time sliding your arms under me lifting my body up. Head rolling back, not even caring to hold my neck up as you walked me downstairs.
To the darkness.
Laying me on the mattress adjusting something before laying my head down on a soft fluffy pillow.
When did you put this here?
Leaning down, placing a kiss on my forehead. Like my dad always did.
"I'll be back, ok. Get some sleep."
Footsteps getting softer, door closing.
Alone.
Closing my eyes, pitch black.
Shutting out the light, no longer seeing the bed, the concrete walls, the towel that was wrapped around me.
Everything was gone, lost in the darkness.
At that moment, so was I.