Taken by fate

Chapter 24

I didn't want to go back inside.
Not after being stuck in the house for so long. Being out here under the sun was like well a breath of fresh air.
Laying by myself since you went inside to make food.
Hovering my hands over the grass, flicking off an ant that had been crawling up my forearm.
You hadn't been gone long, coming out with sandwiches, chips and water's. Sitting up and gratefully taking the plate.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, beautiful."
Still not used to hearing that taking a bite from my sandwich.
"You were right."
"About what?" Confused since we hadn't been talking about anything.
"The world does have its good moments, you just have to look at them the right way." Winking at me as you turned your head to the sky. "Can't tell you the last time I looked up at the clouds for so long. Always on the move. Not even when I lived outside, always trying to find shelter, always focused on my next job."
"Now?"
"Now I'm steady enough to be able to have time, enjoy life and those I keep close."
Giving that side grin that you were so keen on. Reminding me that you brought me here to have someone to connect with. Someone you could come home to and do stuff like this. Though it was nice.
"I know the feeling."
Cocking your head towards me as you took a bite of your own sandwich.
"I was always working, homework, classwork, projects. There was always something that needed to be done with twelve classes. Sometimes it was hard to keep up."
"Why so much I thought for the most part you had the main four, science, math, english, history?"
"Well yeah but I took the advanced levels in all of those as well as some college level extracurricular on the side."
"Wow you must be wicked smart to be doing all that, I got my GED online didn't take long."
"It's not that I'm smart, I was just." I've explained this to Amara so many times so why was it that I couldn't seem to get the words out of my mouth with you.
"Juuusst." You said drawing the word out.
"I guess I just wanted to be prepared, keep my options open, and make sure that I wouldn't have to worry about not having enough money. If I kept my grades up then I could get a scholarship."
"Yeah that's one thing about this world, pretty much everything runs on money. Took me a bit to get this place but I'm proud of it. I worked hard for it too, but I love what I do."
"Building things."
"Yeah but it's not just that, being able to create usable things with my own hands it's also about the satisfaction I get when someone new calls me for a job. Or when I finish up and they already want to give me something else to do."
"I get that, you found the thing that you're good at."
"What about you, what's your thing?"
"I haven't figured that out yet, that thing that's really clicked. Amara always said that it was school for me and I guess that could be kinda true. I did feel better after the work was completed but I just never liked it that much. It always felt as if it was never ending and sometimes useless."
"Well what do you like to do?"
"What do you mean?"
"When you were bored, what did you do for fun?"
"I hung out at the mall, went on walks, the usual."
Scrunching your eyebrows together as you shook your head. "Come on Sarah, there had to be something that you did just for you."
Reaching up to my necklace. "I always loved watching the stars, reading their stories and learning their history. That's not really a job though."
"Isn't that like a star studier person, what are they called?" Snapping your fingers together, face squishing together as you tried to figure out the word. Literally able to see the wheels turning in there.
"An astronomer."
"Yeah that's it. Why don't you be one of those?"
"I don't know, it just never seemed right. A lot of what they do is really sciencey and logical but I've always liked the more mystical side.
"Alright so tell me some."
"Somewhat?"
"Stories of the stars, I'm curious. What's the story behind the Big Dipper?" Wrapping your arm around your bent knee as the other laid out in front leaning forward ready to listen.
"Well there's lots of stories behind the Big Dipper."
"Likeee." Extending the word out as you leaned forward raising your eyebrows ever so slightly.
"Like the Big Dipper is just a smaller part of Ursa Major, also known as the great bear."
"Ok but what about the Big Dipper constellation by itself?"
A small giggle came out randomly as I looked over at your blank face.
"What, what did I say?" Looking at me with that sideways confused smirking face that looked so innocent. A face that I once refused to even look at.
"Technically." I said as I gathered my air back in getting back on subject. "The Big Dipper by itself isn't an actual constellation, it's actually an asterism."
"A what?" You interrupted completely confused.
"Basically it's a distinctive pattern that's formed by more than two stars."
"Oh, so why can't it be its own constellation then?"
"That's definitely on the more scientific side so I don't have an answer for that. Anyways there are multiple stories that go along with it all from different cultures.
Every culture has their own depiction."
Looking up into the sky envisioning that I could see them, each beautiful sphere of light.
"So what are they?" Nudging my shoulder as you asked.
Turning back towards you trying to read your face, trying to figure out whether you were actually interested or if you just wanted to keep me talking.
"Please."
How could I say no to that, huffing my defeat as I settled back onto my elbows processing through all the information that I could talk about.
"Well every culture has different meanings towards the Big Dipper.
The Romanians and Slavic languages referred to the Big Dipper as a wagon.
Germans referred to it as the great cart.
The Italian name for it is grande carro or great wagon.
In Dutch it's a saucepan.
In Ireland it's a plough and in some northern parts of England it's called the butcher's cleaver.
Here it's the Big Dipper.
There's an old Arabic story that says that the four stars creating the bowl represent a coffin and the three stars are mourners following behind.
A Native American story is that the dipper part is actually a bear and the three stars creating the handle are either three cubs following their mom or hunters tracking the bear.
There's even a more recent story from the slave time. They would follow the tail of the great bear, the tip of the Big Dipper, north to find their way to freedom. They called it the drinking gourd.
Though the most known story comes from Greek mythology.
That story states that the great bear was once a beautiful nymph called Callisto. Zeus had pursued her and she bore his child, a son. Though Zeus's wife Hera was jealous of this and turned Callisto into a bear taking away her beauty. Later on the son Arcas grew up becoming a hunter and he came upon the bear, his mother, though he hadn't known that. Taking aim with his bow about to take the killing shot when Zeus sent them both into the sky. Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. Protecting them both."
Stopping realizing I had been talking for a long time. Talking longer than I ever had before losing myself in the familiarity of the stories. You had probably already lost interest half way through.
"Why did you stop?"
"I've just been talking so much I didn't know if." Fidgeting with the bottom corner piece of my shirt.
"Keep going, please."
Nodding my head as I continued shrugging my shoulders.
"Well honestly there's not much more to the Big Dipper specifically. Those were the main stories linked to those stars. Though there are more constellations I could tell you about, if you want."
"Well what about your story about how you named it?"
Scooching forward, getting closer, bringing your hands up next to your ears, flapping them back and forth.
"Come on, I got my listening ears on."
"Ok, ok" I said as I laughed at your childish act.
Stopping to think, glancing down, smiling at the memory. You sat there patiently but I wasn't looking at you or anything really, pressing the pad of my index finger into a diamond feeling the small indent as I rolled my finger around it.
"When I was really little my parents were driving down the road." Scrunching my forehead. "I can't remember if we were coming or going but it was in the middle of the night." Talking slowly still unsure if i really wanted to share.
"We were having car troubles, pulled over on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere waiting for someone to come and help.
My parents were in the front whispering loudly, I guess trying to figure out what to do they sounded worried, frustrated.
I was laying in the backseat looking out the back windshield up at the sky. The stars had been really bright, I know that, so we couldn't have been around a city or anything. No lights or pollution to distort the view.
As I was looking up I saw the shape, at the time I hadn't known its proper name but to me it looked like a spoon scooping parts of the sky like my cereal that I had for breakfast. At least that's what I saw then, maybe I was just hungry but I pointed directly at it and said 'look it's a skyspoon.' My mom looked back confused, head turning to see what I was pointing at.
She asked me what I was looking at and I said the stars.
My dad got out of the car and opened the door for me.
Show me he said.
So my five year old self proudly said 'see, it's a sky spoon.'
He picked me up as I pointed at the sky, my mom joining us outside of the car.
Both of them bursted out laughing as I just stared up at it.
My mom eventually ended up saying that's right honey it does look like a spoon and my dad ruffled my hair.
We stood there until the tow truck came, just staring up at the sky."
Closing my eyes as my chest tightened, missing them even more, regretting that I hadn't left when I had the chance.
Shaking my head wanting to get past the feeling.
"For years that's what I called it even when I went into school."
Chuckling as I spoke.
"There was this one really embarrassing moment in second grade. We were having a lesson about space and the teacher had pointed to the shape and asked if anyone knew what it was called.
Needless to say the teacher had corrected me in front of the entire class and everyone laughed at me.
When I came home all mopey my mom had asked what happened and I told her. Then I asked why they hadn't told me.
My dad piped in by saying that he liked my name for it better then my mom said yeah it's definitely cooler than the Big Dipper.
They had made me feel so much better after that. They always did."
Hugging my knees to my chest as I let my hair fall into my face focusing on how the grass smooshed beneath my toes.
"Well I will tell you one thing if I had been in that class I would not have laughed at you."
Rolling my eyes as I looked over at you, raising one brow. "Yes you would have, everyone did."
"Not me." Sitting up straight with a serious face. "In fact I would have probably jumped up in my chair and have told the whole class to shut their faces."
"What were you like in elementary school?"
My question seemed to have caught you off guard as your smile dimmed down and your heroic stance slumped over. Though I couldn't help being curious.
"Not much to tell. I was the kid with the weird stories that everyone made fun of so I just kind of stopped, became the kid who sat in the back of the class watching as everyone else clumped together in groups. Though I never really cared to pay attention either, I was always getting in trouble for doodling on the desktops."
"So you've always been a drawer."
"It kept me busy besides I liked seeing what I could create, bringing stories to life."
Dropping my shoulders as I let out a puff of air running my hands down my shins.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm just enjoying being outside."
Scooching your body closer as you leaned into me brushing your hand across my cheek. Eyes boring into mine as you parted your lips.
Pulling my lips in licking across them sucking on my bottom lip as I looked at yours stretched in a smile. The pounding of my heart picking up speed, my cheeks heating up though you didn't move any closer, just stayed right there. Eyes on mine as my sight wandered over your strong jawline thinking about how I wanted to kiss you starting at your ear down to your chin then up to your lips.
Parting your lips as I let mine go.
"This is your house too, you can come out here whenever you want. I don't want you to feel trapped."
Surprise hitting me like a slap in the face.
Not expecting those words to come from your mouth.
"Really?!" Smile growing wider, lifting my cheeks as I raised my brows.
"Yes really, I want this to be our home."
Our home, living here with you. Staying. Not leaving. Isn't that what I had just chosen? Just thinking about kissing you. Prolonging the questions. I needed time.
"Ok." The only word that I could think to say.
"Ok?"
"Ok." Smiling as I leaned forward kissing you quickly on your right cheek, causing a look of surprise to end up on your face as I rocked my shoulders giddily. Though I hadn't been able to dance in joy for long.
Time seemed to speed up as you brought your hand behind my head bringing me into you as our lips connected sending bursts of surprise and excitement through my body. Your hand reaching under my hair grabbing it at the base and gripping tighter pulling my head back giving you full access to my neck which you greedily sent trails of kisses down.
I didn't fight back, I wasn't scared of you hurting me, besides it felt so good. The way that you held me, head tilted back, I wanted you to keep going. Pushing my chest to you, giving you permission for more as my hands dug into the ground, shaking arms holding me up.
Your other hand grazed my side, moving higher, circling around my left breast kissing my collar bone as the top button came undone, taking advantage and brushing the skin that was now free.
Pressing your body into mine lowering me onto the ground as another button came open.
Your knee between my legs, your upper body hovering over pinning me down.
Dipping lower, unbuttoning each button one by one, kisses trailing between my boobs down onto my stomach. Shivers erupting at each spot that your lips touched, feeling so different, muscles twitching.
This was so wrong but it felt so right.
No more buttons, fabric sliding down my sides falling onto the grass giving you a full view of me. Suddenly becoming self conscious moving my hands over my chest but you had anticipated grabbing onto my wrist pushing them down.
I let you.
Lying there face burning red, giggling nervously as you leaned back down placing more stomach fluttering kisses right under my rib cage.
Testing your grip wiggling my wrists.
Lips parting on my left hip bone, the tip of your tongue on my skin.
Letting go of my forearms as your rough calloused hands grazed over my thighs down to my knees putting slight pressure, spreading them apart.
Tongue sliding down my inner thigh trailing kisses back up, up, up.
Raising my head just enough to see you, watching as you came down kissing me right on my private part. Feeling your lips part as your tongue slid out. Every one of my muscles tensed in anticipation.
Wet, so wet.
Back arching as I dug my fingernails into the dirt, small sounds of pleasure passing through me out of my mouth.
Feeling, feelings, I couldn't describe but I didn't want them to stop because with each passing second it felt better, stronger. Legs tight, wanting to close them but you wouldn't let me, keeping them open as you continued to kiss and suck and bite.
"Auuhhhhh."
This was so much better than kissing you, this was so much more.
Leaves floating in the breeze over us as the sunlight poured down. Outside, with you.
Limbs shaking uncontrollably as the exploding sensations swept through my entire body.
"You're so beautiful."
Moving my fingers through my own hair as your mouth moved up my stomach over my boobs and onto my neck.
Not wanting to move, not wanting the feeling to go away.
Smiling idiotically at the sky as you looked over me, laying on your side next to my heavy breathing body, propping yourself up on your elbow.
Consciously I knew that I was laying there exposed, outside, in the middle of the day though I couldn't bring myself to care.
Your hand brushing through a strand of my hair twisting it around your finger as my muscles began to loosen the feeling fading away.
Not realizing just how tired I was until I closed my eyes, not wanting to open them, exhausted, wanting to fall asleep right there with you by my side.
Shutting everything out.
Wanting the moment to last for as long as it could.
The wind was barely blowing now, there were no birds chirping, no cars driving down the road, it was peaceful.
This moment was mine because I chose not to go, because I chose to avoid answering questions and dealing with all the stories.
Yet there was this nagging voice in the back of my head that was telling me that something was wrong.
Red flags that I chose to ignore.
Because I knew they were right.
I shouldn't be here, I should be at home with my parents, going to school, getting my work done, making plans with Amara. Anything but what I was doing right now but I didn't want to be doing anything else.
This was where I chose to be.
When I opened my eyes you were still there looking at me with that happy childish grin that you had.
"What?"
"I'm just happy that you're here."
I was here because of you though I guess that wasn't the case at this moment. Giving you a smile as I reached up and held your chin in my palm remembering the first time I had done this. When I was pleading with you to let me go, when I was chained in the basement. You leaned your face into my touch instantly this time, closing your eyes.
We've both come a long way since then.
Thinking about how you flinched when I touched you then, your heart was so filled with abuse, how afraid I was of you and what you would do to me.
Now we are here.
Like this.