"she plays guitar?" wilbur soot x reader

one more chance

tw: sh

Y/n POV

As I clean myself up, I see that my actual "lady days" have started. Fucking perfect, you know? At least Tom won't be suspicious. He's like Sherlock Holmes when it comes to my mental state. I think he actually mentioned it to me once when he was in deep thought.

I exit the bathroom, thigh scars no longer bleeding. I see mum still awake. "Hey, could you buy me some tampons, please? We literally only have like two." I ask and she just nods. I walk upstairs and hear Tom say something.

"Will, I would, but my sister has like JUST came home. I need to keep an eye on her."

Fuck me, man. He says something more and I hear his headset drop on his desk.

I've literally made my 18 year-old brother think he needs to monitor me. I'm a horrible fucking sister and I know it. As I hear him get up from his chair and stretch, I snap out of my thoughts and quietly sneak into my room. As I plop into my bed, I grab my phone.

"Hey, Y/n? You alright? I didn't get to stream cause we literally talked for the whole day, but I did just get a call from Will. He was thinking of having a bunch of streamers meet up in London. I told him that I didn't know if I could go because... well... I'm afraid of losing you, but he offered for you to come with." Tom says staring at his fidgeting fingers.

I get up and walk over to him. I hug him, desperately hug him. Clinging onto him for dear life, as a signal of "I will never leave you." "Tom, I don't know if I'm like... mentally okay? Plus, you need to rest. It looks like you haven't slept since I left." I say and realise... "Have you?" I look up and see him crying his eyes out.

I just sit him down on my bed a comfort him. He has struggled a lot with sleep since he was like 12, but it's obviously turning into insomnia. I'm scared for him, because I know exactly how he feels. It's shit. It's a shitty feeling that makes the rest of the world feel shitty and everything in your life turns into something shitty.

"Go to sleep, now. I'll stream from your room. I know you don't trust me much, but I'll do a stream addressing all the hate I got and I will ignore any hate that comes today, I promise. I'm begging for just one more chance, and if I screw this up, you don't have to forgive me for shit, but please. Just this once. I wanna try."

"Alright, but only because I love you. Also, I locked all the alcohol in a hidden place, so you won't have much of a temptation anyways." he says and completely cocoons himself into my duvet. Adorable child at heart, always. "Thanks, Tom." I say with genuine happiness.

As get up, I spot my guitar. "Your walls are, like, soundproof, right?" I ask looking at the guitar. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can throw a riot in there. It helps with mostly my keyboard playing, not really anything else." he says groggily. "So, guitar?" I ask and I see him look at me. "Yeah, probably..." he says and puts his head back on the pillow.

I grab my guitar and phone. I head to Tom's room and close the door behind me. I haven't played guitar in about 2 years, reason being I didn't succeed at it at first and gave up. I did learn a few songs on Niki's guitar, but I don't count it, since I was hammered every time.

As I sit down at his chair, I feel a familiar nervousness wash over me. I log onto my account, but... What if chat is horrid to me again? What if it all goes horribly? What if they find me even fatter than before? With all these questions racing through my brain, I simply pick up my guitar and start stream.

I close chat before I start tuning my guitar. I don't know what I want to sing today. I might sing a Mitski song, then maybe a Lovejoy song. Maybe we can finish the stream with a YCGMA song. Those are deep as shit. I make a possible list in my mind.

Nobody - Mitski

The Fall - Lovejoy

and... Saline Solution - Wilbur Soot ?

As I've tuned my guitar, I take a deep breath. I know these songs. They're the songs I learned at Niki's and miraculously didn't forget. I look down at my guitar, which I bought at the tender age of 13. This bitch has helped me through my depression for years, let's hope it does the same today.

My god, I'm so lonely
So I open the window
To hear sounds of people
To hear sounds of people
...
(help i cant use italics, help please)

Nobody, nobody
Nobody, nobody, no

As I finish the song, I realise that I'm in tears. This song is too real, it gets me every fucking time. As I feel light-headed, I decide I can only do one more song. Saline solution it is...

I start up the chords, this ones more difficult to play.

One, two, three and four

I think this time I'm dying
I'm not melodramatic
I'm just pragmatic beyond any
Reasoning for thinking I've got fucking rabies or something

I think this time I'm dying
I think this time I'm dying
...
Saline solution to all your
Problems

As soon as I finish this song I know I need to lie down, so without looking at chat I simply end the stream and go to Tom's bed. I assume that some people will be confused, some will call my voice and guitar playing a disaster, and some will comment on my looks, but I'll just check twitter tomorrow. I made sure to delete the VOD.

As I close my eyes, I realise that my tears haven't really stopped falling. I know I'm sad, but c'mon. This is a bit dramatic.

——————

I absolutely love ycgma. its just everything going on in my brain being put in an album. i know will hates it cause he was in a bad place while writing it, but i still absolutely adore it.

also yes, mr. innit is mentally ill in this book.