The Wailing Woman

43. Four Haunting Days Pt. 1

TW: Self-harm, swearing, and suicidal thoughts. 

I woke up falling into a pit of darkness until a pair of solid arms swept my entire body, grabbing my arms and legs from underneath. My lungs clenched as I momentarily lost oxygen, I squeezed my eyes only for them to be flooded with tears. 

Barely could I see the blur of blond hair and the contour of spiked feathers, I knew it was Hans holding me. A tidal wave of emotions came crashing and burning, and instinctively my magic rose like armor. Hans tried to land us carefully but I brought my hand toward his chest accidentally plummeting us to the ground. He groaned as I slipped from his hold, I braced myself for the impact but it never came.

Because someone else caught me, and his arms wrapped around my body like a guard. Except he put one of his hands on the top of my head as rolled over the ground. He had me pinned to the ground, his weight crushing my body. The scent of smoke laced with mint invaded my nostrils.

Grimm.

I let out a gasp.

Grimm quickly peeled his body from mine, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He said hurriedly.

Are you hurt? Are you hurt? Are you hurt?

I remember all of it. I remember the night of my mother's death like it happened yesterday. My mother, my mother—my chest constricts—Oh my god, my brother. I had a brother. How could I've forgotten someone who meant the entire world to me? I clamped my hand over my mouth. What I did—what I did was unforgivable. A knot forms in my throat, building as the memory keeps playing over and over again.

The sharp shrieks of my mother fill my head and the freezing skin of my brother wash over my body. I was supposed to apologize to her and I was supposed to protect my brother. I was supposed to be there with them. I never meant to forget my brother or what happened to my mother. I—I—I—

Pluck a feather and it will return to its owner.

Bury a seed, something will bloom.

Remember...

The voices mock me and my heart plunges further. I cannot contain the growing agony and despair viciously spreading inside of me. I can't escape it. Hot and heavy tears sear my cheeks.

A cold hand touches my left hand and I flinch from it and scramble away. Too cold. Too dark.

"Talk to me, raven." His voice sounded strained and miserable. But I couldn't, everything was clawing at my throat and my breaths were coming out short. "You have to let it out, if you don't it will eat you alive. Scream if you must, I promise you're safe here." Darkness clouds his face and everything else. It moves around us like a cyclone.

But I couldn't speak to him. I deserve to feel all the pain in the world, I deserve every single bad thing that has happened to me. The people I loved the most are gone. They're gone and I'm here—I'm not supposed to be here.

My chest heaves at all the disappearing memories I once had of my mother and brother. "I deserve—" I tried swallowing the knot but it cut my voice, making it small. "I deserve punishment." I gripped my coat as if I am holding my heart from breaking more.

Grimm said furiously, "You did nothing wrong." I shake my head, "I forgot. I'm not—I'm not supposed to forget. I'm not supposed to forget anyone." And they didn't deserve to die. I bent over as I began to murmur a thousand apologies as if my mother and brother could hear me.

Pluck a feather...

Bury a seed...

The voices chanted as they overtook my mind as the horrors of my mother and brother's death replayed like a tireless loop. Suddenly something explodes from my chest, I gasp loudly as my spine is straightened like steel and my hands face outwards, a burst of energy pushes out. Pale blue light surrounds my space. My veins pump and bleed as I can almost hear the thrumming in my ears. I continuously unleash my magic without thought, I can't stop it. I can't control it. It's too much.