Every one here is celebrating I can't remember why until one of the staff remind me it is infact new years day the year of our Lord 1843.
I didn't see much use for celebrating considering where I had been for the last 2 years And with no end date in sight Why would I Consider celebrating.
My thoughts were cemented more by the "oi back to ya cell! Doctors orders. All of you!" a gruff thick London accent screeched from somewhere In the great hall.
I Inwardly groan as I try to stand, my legs are weak from lack of nutrition and exercise although they were stronger than usual due to not having so many treatments recently the only perk of the festive period, doctors and Higher members of staff seem to not be around as much.
I hobble through the already open doors using the thick stone walls to steady myself.
I see myself in the reflection, im a shadow of my former self, I used to have chubby cheeks and long think brown hair, my cheeks are hollow and my hair is thin and limp.
I reach my room and close the heavy door behind and before I even have time to turn around I hear the click of the lock being bolted shut and jingle of keys moving further away down the hall.
My room is damp and cold, a thin mattress and metal cot making most nights sleepless, although exhaustion normally takes over.
I shouldn't complain as I'm lucky to have a room for myself as most share atleast six to a room.
But being the only woman of the ward I get certain privileges.
The voice of a doctor rings through my head!
"We don't Fraternise with other patients I'm aware of your indiscretions Which brought To our humble asylum But we don't ! and won't! have that kind of behaviour here, do you understand?" I shudder at the memory.
I can almost still feel his long thin finger jabbing my chest just to add extra Emphasis on his point.
He has always treated me far worse than the other doctors, However Because Of his morality complex I have been granted my own room and I will be forever grateful for that.
I lay myself down hearing my bones crack and click no amount of rest will ease it, they are quick to give medication and treatments to fix my delicate Predicament But never to ease pain, If anything it comes as a comfort it reminds me that I'm still alive.
.........
I'm not Sure when I fell asleep but it felt like a mere blink When I was awoken to the sound of Keys jingling once more and that all Familiar click of the door.
But before I have time to register The time of day I'm dragged from my only Safe place And into the hallway The bright lights of the morning sun hitting my face through the large windows.
One of the porters is dragging me Towards the great hall I try to rub my eyes to clear my vision but my arm is pulled back into his tight grip.
This isn't an abnormal event Most days I'm dragged from my slumber but there was a slight urgency today, I say nothing as I've learnt over the last few years asking questions rarely leads to answers.
I'm marched through the great hall to the other side Into what they call the treatment wing
Here we go again what now!.
However before I'm escorted into the normal room that I get swung as we take a sharp turn to the left to a part of the hospital I've never been before and into a room where there are approximately another 20 women from other wards.
His hand releases my arm leaving a bright raw red mark and Slams the door shut.
I turn to face the other equally confused women.
Normally when they have group therapies we are all of similar status And behaviours but this was a mixed bag!.
There was 2 women that clearly had a learning impairment As they danced in a circles at the back of the room although I say women they can be no more than 14 or 15.
Another woman on the opposite corner Is staring off into the distance With a vacant expression that makes me shudder I dread to think what kind of treatment she has had to look like that.
The woman closest to me that is sat on the floor Legs crossed with her eyes closed I kneel down to her "do you know why we have been brought here"? I whisper.
Her shoulders dropped and squints one eye open at me "why on earff would I know anyfing?" She waved me away For which I obediently complied.
I decided I wouldn't push my luck and retreated to a near by wall.
