I awoke from his bed the next morning feeling completely satisfied but there was that pull in the pit of my stomach knowing I had turned into the women my family had accused me off.
Scrooge was still fast asleep when I tip toed from the room.
I scooped my clothes up from the floor from the foyer and went to my quarters, had a wash got dressed and headed to the kitchen to start breakfast.
Yet again he didn't acknowledge me all day and to be honest i was pleased as my head was far to busy thinking about what to do next or how my ever growing feelings for scrooge would develop or if he even felt a fraction of what I did.
I decided to not allow last night to happen again and to only focus on work.
And for a few months this worked wonderfully, my anxiety started to relax more with each passing week It was comforting I wasn't bringing drama to my doorstep anymore I was getting better at my work And I even started to make friends especially the bakers wife, when I went to collect the goods I go into their home and have a cup of tea, I'm only there for about half an hour as the rest of my chores wouldn't be complete.
One beautiful morning myself and Joan are chatting and laughing as normal when she asks a rather scandalous question "so who does Mr scrooge keep him warm at night?...an old Bachelor like himself must know a few fallen women"
I snicker trying cover my obvious guilt.
"Well not that I have ever seen" I breath feeling this is an acceptable answer.
But she is relentless "well even women of that kind must refuse him surely, most vile man I've ever met"
I can't help but defend him "he might be mean to most but overall he's been fine with me, just quiet, likes a solitary life" I bring my cup to lips as I eye her waiting for the sarcastic response.
"Well my father told me he was once engaged to the most beautiful woman, they never did marry and noone ever knows why, but that was many years ago...oh are you alright dear?'" She pats my back as I cough and splutter my tea at this new information.
I set my cup back to its saucer and naturally lean in closer" he was engaged?...and you have no idea why it was broken up" she shakes her head "must have realised how rude and Abnoxious he is I suppose" I chuckle in response but the second she looks out the window my smile drops I do hate people talking this way about him but I can't be seen to disagree or I'll be ignored like him.
Later that evening I lay his bed clothes on the bed for him and I shudder at the memories from this bed, I push them back where they belong and go back to the kitchen to finish off the final additions to his dinner and taking it back up stairs to the dinning room.
He of course walks in on time and I nod to leave when he grabs my arm pulling me closer and leans down to kiss my neck but I pull out of his grasp.
"Sorry sir but no" I proclaim.
His eyebrow raised and irritation etched on his face But doesn't utter a word.
I can't help but fill in the silence "we can't keep doing this, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it but I can't be both your house keeper and your wh...." I stop myself before I label myself with such an awful word.
He breaths through his nose as his top lip curvs in annoyance or arrogance I'm not sure.
He turns to the table and seats him self.
Without even so much as glance he demands "GO"! I jump at the raised voice before speeding from the room.
Life became harder after this as he started adding extra work to my already difficult workload.
He would send me on errands to pick up buttons for his jackets that I just don't think exist or make me shine is shoes to point that queen Victoria herself would be amazed at their beauty.
But I completed each task without hesitation to avoid a lecture on how he helped me from living out my days in the asylum, it was his new phrase to reprimand me.
I asked him for a morning off to see the doctor and even this gave him an opportunity "you wouldn't need to request this If i hadn't saved you, you would have doctors on sight"
I Inwardly roll my eyes but he does reluctantly agree.
I have become concerned that I have been having regular headaches recently and I'm getting tired long before I should, so best to safe than sorry.
The doctor came to house and I took him to the my bedroom, I hadn't seen him since the pox but he had been so sweet that I new if I ever needed anything I would return to him.
He checked my temperature and asked about my work load and he couldn't seem to find anything causing these symptoms.
"You seem fighting fit to me dear" he beamed.
I had been anxious As I had wondered if the smallpox had damaged my body in some way but he certainly alleviated my worry.
"Hmm I wonder" he said as he tapped his chin "can you lay on your bed for one moment please" I did as I was told and he pressed on my lower abdomen over my clothes.
He only prodded me twice before his Demina changed and he walked away rubbing his nose.
I bolt upwards and to my feet" what is it sir? Please don't leave me in suspense" I ask anxiously.
Without turning to face me he scribbles in his note book "you are with child"
My eyes nearly pop from their sockets "what!" I start pacing back and forth my hands in my hair, I feel like I may vomit.
"That's not possible, I can't! I can't! They told me I couldn't " I say in my half manic state.
The doctor turns to Me "they?"
I pause trying to gather my wits "my old family Physician, he said If it hasn't happened by now it likely never would" the words tumble from mouth at speed I don't recognise from myself.
"We tried for years and no child ever came"
The doctor eyes me up and down "well clearly he was wrong" all kindness from his voice gone.
"You'll need to find the chap and marry him you are roughly 5 months gone and likely will show soon if not already" he proclaims as he places his hat on his head and leaves without so much as goodbye.
I stumble back onto the bed, I had noticed my belly becoming more rounded recently but thought my original size was returning due to a better diet.
What am I to do ?
I'm already in my 30s most women have their children early.
Then it dawned on me, what about scrooge? how will he take the news?, will he banish me?, he has every legal right to send me back to that hell hole.
I won't tell him right away I still have time, maybe I could save my poor wages and leave before the baby arrives and won't be sent back.
The day continues in a blur and when I return to bed i realise I can't actually remember anything of the past few hours.
3 more months past and I've saved enough that I can get lodgings for about a month but no more.
My belly is huge but luckily my dress covers this and no one is aware least of all him.
Although I think Prudence senses it but I know she'll keep my secret.
Scrooges mood has not improved infact its got worse as the Christmas period approaches.
And I know for certain he will never accept this and must never know.
Tomorrow is Christmas eve and notice he hasn't asked about any decorations or festive food so once he returns for dinner I'll ask him "do you wish for me to collect food for Christmas day and hang any decorations" I ask innocently.
He scoffs as usual "you'll find no decorations for Christmas here and no food, only my usual order"
He clicks his neck as I stare at him confused "none sir"?
"Did I stutter ?...none!"he hisses and I wince.
"Fine what ever you wish" I state blankly
Oh how I miss his tender side my head hangs low I always did enjoy Christmas day, everyone would put aside their differences and just have fun.
I turn when he calls from down the hall asking me to return "my shoulder is playing Havoc today grab those candke sticks from the shelf" he demands and I reluctantly oblige, as I stretch upwards using the side board as Leverage he screeches "what on earth is that?"
I look over my shoulder and see him pointing down I follow his finger and notice my very swollen belly is leaning on the sideboard pushing my skirt inwards revealing my condition.
My eyes bulge and I knock the candle sticks off the shelf sending them tumbling to the ground and snapping in two.
I scramble to the floor to pick them up "I'm sorry sir i didn't mean to break them"
He bounds over to me and yanks me to my feet "ill ask again! What is that" he spits his teeth looking like they may crack.
I whimper in fear "I'm..itsss..I'm with child sir"
His grasp around my wrists starts to tighten and the pain shoots up my arm.
"Please sir you're hurting me" I admit but this doesn't deter him he continues to glare at me before breaking through the sound of his teeth scrapping together " and who. Is .the father?" He insists. My eyes tear up instantly,how could he ask me that!
"You of course"i snap back as I yank my wrists from his grasp and create distance between us.
His face changes into a terrifying grin "and do you have proof of this ?"
A single tear runs down My cheek "of course i don't, how could I?" I proclaim in complete shock.
That same grin remains on his face, "then its not mine, it was easy for me to have you so why would it be so inconceivable for me to guess there were others"
Before I even register what I've done my hand slides from his face leaving in its wake a rather nasty red mark, his own hand replacing mine as he winces in pain.
"Get.out!"He demands.
"You are no longer in my employment"
I step forward to reason with him when his head snaps towards me "if you don't leave now I'll fetch for the asylum And have you returned to your rightful place" he says terrifyingly calm .
My lip quivers and I run to my quarters holding my bump as I go as running as its impossible if I don't.
I grab my bag and shove as much as I can inside my bag including the small amounts of savings I have.
When I turn for the door I'm haulted by Prudence staring at me with her head tilted.
I kneel down with great difficulty " I'm sorry girl, I must leave, look after him for me, you're all he has left" I say as I give her one last head scratch and take my leave.
I didn't see him when I left which was a gift in itself as I didn't want to ever see that look on anyone again.
When I found out I was expecting I had done some research For lodgings in the area I pulled the stray piece of paper from my bag to find the address and headed towards the only plan I had.
The building was run down and tatty and filled with what I can only describe as vagrants and women of the night but it was the cheapest in London and I needed this money to stretch.
The bed looked like it might he infested but I have taken my sheets from scrooges house, I know this would be seen as stealing but I new they would be needed.
I curl up in a ball in the bed and pray for sleep but it never comes.
