We both fell asleep facing each other that night but unfortunately this wasn't a regular Occurrence, he continued to run hot and cold, we go weeks without even talking and the next he was bending me over the table.
Now I know I should feel used but I know he was at war with his own mind, I can see he cares for me when we are together but he can't sustain it.
After putting a order into the butcher's one sunny afternoon, I passed by the cemetery that my husbands family vault stands And I wondered if he had been buried there also it was highly likely And my curiosity got the better of me.
The mausoleum is relatively close to the front gates And it's a rather large one you can't miss it.
I see the door the is ajar and i Poke my head around, nobody is inside I step in until and see on far left there it is, his plot!
His name written beautifully on a gold plaque.
"How did this happen?" I ask him "we were happy once"
I place my hand on the cold marble and say my goodbyes.
As I'm stepping out I see my sister headed towards me holding a bunch of flowers, I gasp and dart around the other side of the mausoleum clutching my chest in hope to settle my nerves.
I can hear her rustling around inside so I take my chance to head for the gates.
Just as I step over a nearby grave im haulted by "are you really going to run" I slowly turn around to see her glaring at me with distain.
She's changed a lot over the last few years she was only 11 months younger than I but looks 10 years older.
"How the mighty have fallen" she says as the gestures at me.
"I didn't particularly plan for a disagreement today violet" I snap back.
She huffs and turns to look anywhere but me "I was told you was now working as a maid" her nose turning up into the air.
How dare she look down on me.
"What happend to me, could happen to anyone, you only need to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and you lose everything you hold dear"
I spit back hoping she will see it from my side Although I knew it was a useless attempt.
She scoffs and a smirk creeps on her face.
"You really don't understand what you have done to our family, poor Richard never recovered , mother now does nothing but worry, hoping no one else falls again our brother has had to marry a women he barely knows so our wealth can be sustained.
My eyes roll so far that I fear they may never return.
"Don't be ridiculous!...money isn't everything! If only you cared as much for me as you do for money maybe we could have salvaged our broken lives together".
She storms closer prodding me with her thin finger " why should we fix what you broke!"
I step back out of her reach and shrug not knowing how to make her see, but this doesn't stop her violent words.
"Maybe you should of kept your skirt down and you back off the ground and this sorry mess would of been avoided!...you are never welcome in our family again, my children won't know you even existed...if I see your face again I'll walk on by"
She doesn't even so much as hesitate during her speech And I know my words are never going to make a difference.
I feel my eyes start to sting and turn around and turn my head over my shoulder and almost whisper "I'm sorry I truly am" I head for the exit Without so much as glancing back even though I can feel her eyes upon me, I just have to accept That the rest of my life I won't have a family or anyone to call my own.
I know I'm hunched over walking home but I can't bring myself to walk upright as I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, Once back at scrooge's residence I Just continue with my daily routine.
That is until I see him walk through the door And I never initiate anything I leave that always to him but today was different I needed him I needed a human connection. He Stops dead in his tracks as he sees me hovering in the door way, I walk slower towards him giving him enough time to register my intentions.
I take his hat from his head and pull his coat from his body and place it on the coat rack, along with his jacket he barely moves an inch just watches my movements.
I see prudence leave up the stairs and i turn my head back to scrooge and stare into his blue sparking eyes and I don't brake the contact as I sink to my knees And open his trousers, snaking my hand inside to retrieve his soft member through the opening.
Still he does not move.
