Langhua: The Codependence of a Prince and His General

Selfish

By the time Xuanyuan Lang returned to Benevolence Palace, the sun had long since disappeared over the horizon. He only noticed when he set foot into the inner hall and saw a table full of cold food.

Concubine Liang was still sitting at the dinner table, her back straight and her body perfectly poised. Her bowl was untouched in front of her.

"Mother..." Xuanyuan Lang's voice was heavy with guilt. "I'm sorry."

Concubine Liang turned to look at him. Her gaze was even, her expression composed. Xuanyuan Lang almost wished she would yell at him. "Qilang. Take a seat."

Once he did, they began to eat in silence. The food was ice-cold, having sat out for so long in this weather. Concubine Liang ate as though nothing was amiss. On the other hand, Xuanyuan Lang had barely taken two bites of the cold rice before he remembered the equally cold food in that dirty plate on the prison floor. The two stalks of wilted vegetables.

He looked around at the chili oil chicken, pork rib soup, stir-fried lily buds, and five spice beef in front of him. There was a click that echoed through the hall as he set down his bowl and chopsticks.

Concubine Liang continued eating as usual until she finished her rice. Once she had cleared every last grain in her bowl, she gracefully put her cutlery down and wiped her mouth and hands with the silk kerchief she carried with her. Finally, she folded the kerchief neatly, put it away, and rested her hands on her lap. "Now we can talk, Qilang."

She had a rule about not chatting during meals, one she had carried over from her maiden family. Xuanyuan Lang lowered his head. All that time, and he still had not found the words. "Mother, I... I want us to join the Empress' side."

"No, you don't."

Xuanyuan Lang's head whipped up.

"You want to help General Hua and Hua Yuheng." Concubine Liang met her son's eyes. She smiled. "If that's what you truly want, say so. There's no reason for me to disagree."

"But isn't it selfish of me?" Xuanyuan Lang's fists clenched on his lap. "After you worked so hard to stay out of palace politics all these years..."

"That was never a permanent solution anyway," Concubine Liang said with a flippant air that Xuanyuan Lang could barely believe. "I only tried to maintain that balance because you were young, and I was weak. If I had jumped to pick sides, I would have been used and abused without a question. I could only ever be a dog or a pawn to them.

"But things are different now."

Concubine Liang beckoned Xuanyuan Lang to come closer. When he did, out of instinct, she put her hand on his cheek. Her touch was gentle as always. "You've grown, Qilang. You've finally grown old enough to make your own decisions."

"Mother..." Xuanyuan Lang squirmed a little. If he was old enough to decide like she said he was, then he should also be too old for this. At the same time, though... He did not particularly want to leave her touch. "Mother, I saw Ah Heng today."

"The poor boy. Is he okay?"

"No. But I couldn't do anything." Xuanyuan Lang's voice broke. "He wouldn't look at me."

"Do you want him to?"

It was selfish, but he was allowed to be selfish here. "Yes."

"Then make him. Go to him." Concubine Liang caressed his face and suddenly rubbed his head hard. "I may be a coward, but I won't raise my son to be one."

"You're not a coward, Mother. Far from it."

"Mm-hmm. Go on, keep flattering this old woman. If you're so good with words, shouldn't you be trying to win your friend back? Don't waste your breath on me."

"But I'm scared." Concubine Liang just said he was grown up, but now he felt more like a kid than ever. "What if he hates me now? After all, it's my fault that his father—"

"That's what you think. Do you know what he thinks?"

Xuanyuan Lang bit his lip and shook his head. "I'm scared to ask."

There was a brief silence, and then Concubine Liang sighed. "You really are my son."

That comment was so out of place that Xuanyuan Lang did a double take and frowned. "Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?"

"In these circumstances, perhaps it is. Alright, let's try changing things up a bit. Imagine if your positions were reversed. If I were to die, and Yuheng was indirectly at fault—"

"Mother!" Xuanyuan Lang gasped. "Don't even joke about such things!"

"But that's what happened, isn't it? To General Hua and Yuheng. How would you feel if it were you?

"And more importantly, how would you want Yuheng to face you?"

***

Concubine Liang's questions hung over his head all night. Xuanyuan Lang could not get a wink of sleep.

The next morning, at the crack of dawn, he was facing down the guards at the prison door.

"I am the Seventh Imperial Prince, Xuanyuan Lang. I wish to meet the prisoner Hua Yuheng." There was a calm confidence in his voice that he did not feel as he showed them his imperial jade insignia. It had his name, "Lang", carved onto it, a symbol of his identity.

For the other princes, their insignia represented their power and authority. It was Xuanyuan Lang's first time using his. He was not even sure it would work.

The two guards looked at the insignia, at him, and at each other. Finally, they bowed in unison, holding their hands in salute. "We humbly greet you, Your Highness the Seventh Prince."

While they could not see him, Xuanyuan Lang swallowed silently. With a terse nod and a voice that suddenly sounded unfamiliar to his ears, he said, "You may rise." The words he had heard so often felt clumsy on his tongue.

The guards straightened up and opened the doors for him without waiting for him to repeat his request. They then returned to their stations on either side of the entrance, standing still as statues. Neither of them made a move to accompany Xuanyuan Lang inside.

The prince braced himself and walked down the stairs into the prison.

It was even colder at dawn than it had been when he came here yesterday. This time, he was alone.

He had spent all night thinking about Concubine Liang's questions, and in the end he could not come up with an answer. He could not imagine how he would feel in Hua Yuheng's position, simply because he was not in Hua Yuheng's position. He could not begin to understand how Hua Yuheng felt right now.

After staying up overnight, all he understood was how he felt. What he wanted.

"Ah Heng."

He wanted to see Hua Yuheng.